Thread: Never seen my brother act this way before

I don’t really know where to start with this because this is the first time I have had an issue like this with my brother. The reason I’m writing here is because I need advice and to vent. I’m eight months pregnant and am really over stressing myself over this.

I am the youngest of my five siblings and this brother is about 19 years older than me. He is married, has three step children who are older than me (late 20’s), and five grandchildren. He supports two of his step children along with the five grandchildren. He is the only one in the family that works out of his wife, two step children, and five grandchildren. My brother has a drinking problem and has for some time. I have always pushed it aside and kept my mouth shut however my youngest brother was at one time close to this brother says he can’t have a relationship anymore because his drinking is so bad.

He divorced about twelve years ago and married this woman. His wife’s children have stolen from him, wrecked his cars, and did drugs within his home (in which they have spent time in prison for). His wife just makes them apologize and my brother just buries himself with his alcohol. He has confined in my husband and I about how his step children abuse the nice things he does for them. His wife however has never been part of our big family. Every family function she has not come to and has been in the family for eleven and half years. I continue to invite her and try to make her welcome however I don’t get any response.

Last night my brother calls me out of the blue yelling at me. Telling me he is mad that I didn’t give his wife a birthday present but he always gives my husband and children birthday presents. I told him I don’t know anything about her and didn’t know it was her birthday and I was sorry. He then continues his yelling to how I hurt her feelings many years ago and our sister did as well. I than asked what I did to hurt her feelings and he says he doesn’t know because she won’t tell him. Getting really upset by that time I asked him how and why he would call and yell at me when he doesn’t even know what her issue is with me or what I did to hurt her feelings. He then continued in on me about how I spent this previous Thanksgiving around my table with my family talking bad about him, which we didn’t nor did he attend our gathering because he never does. Her family to me is always more important.

By this point I was very mad because this all came out of left field. I told him all we knew about his family was the bad because we have never been around them (this includes my three other siblings, my husband and my mother), I told him I didn’t think it was good that he has a convicted felon living under his roof and allows her to drink in front of her children. I told him I felt bad for him because he continues to drink himself to death because of the stress this family brings and it makes me very sad.

After him yelling at me some more I told him I have open arms for his wife and her family but I can only reach so far. I told him I felt like his wife and her children has consumed his life not for the better. I told him my frustration with the fact he was at the birth of all five grandchildren but when his only sister (myself) who is capable of having children has a child he chose to plan his vacation with his step children than come see his only nephew. In fact, he was the only one out of our entire family who didn’t come see my son and he lives not far from the hospital. He didn’t see my son till he was two months old. I told him it really hurt my feelings that his blood is always being pushed aside.

Then he went as far as telling me I was jealous of his step daughter who I personally believe has nothing going for her till she lays off the drugs (she never graduated high school, lives with him, he supports her children, unemployed, has never had a job in her life, etc.). That hurt even more to hear he would believe his sister would be jealous of someone he complains about all the time. By this point, I had being yelled at because of hurting his wife’s feelings in which he had no idea what I did to hurt her feelings, nor do I. So I hung up on him.

After calling my other brother to tell him just what happened I was informed he was drunk and had called our mother as well to yell at her for buying his grandchildren Christmas gifts instead of giving them money. My mother later called me crying because she felt like she has gone above and beyond to make his wife and family welcome and has been buying his step grandchildren gifts since they were born, treating them just like she would my son.

I was in rather shock and very upset emotionally so I tried to get my mind off it and decided to check my email. What a bad idea I had several emails from his wife along with his step daughter basically yelling at me about the same thing and calling my husband and mother bad things. I read them in disbelief not even being able to finish them I get a call from his wife which I didn’t answer she then left me a mean message. Then my brother continued to call me till one a.m. when his first call was at 5 that evening. He kept calling so I turned my phone off. Than this morning I had seven messages from him yelling at me and he calling me names.

I am so hurt and confused it’s unreal. I have done nothing to him and feel like I have a target on my back. Not only that but I’m confused, I know he has a drinking problem but why would he go as far as to have his wife and step daughter yell at me as well. I am assuming he was drunk when he called but I’m not for sure. I want to cut him out of my life after the horrible things that were said to me and about my husband and son. Being eight months pregnant this has caused me to start having contractions which I’m high risk since I was twenty weeks, he knows this too. I don’t know how to deal…I guess what would you guys do? I have never had an issue with my brother before like this. I keep my mouth shut when he calls me crabbing about his step children for the reason I don’t want to be involved with the drama.

Is it a wrong move to not want anything to do with him any further? It’s not just me who received a call it was my mother and sister. They just have a higher tolerance with his behavior…I just don’t know how to deal after being told in not so many words that he doesn’t care about his nephew, my son (my son is the only child of all five of my siblings..the rest do not have children other than step).