Thread: exhausted

*Note* I'm sorry that I seem to have written a book again. When I start typing this stuff out it just pours out so quickly I don't realize just how long it is.

I'm sure some of you have seen my posts about family stuff. It always seems to calm down for awhile, then picks back up.

Tonight I went off on my husband's uncle. His uncle has informed my husband that he is disappointed in him, compares him to Hitler (they are Jewish btw) among other awful people because my husband is a democrat, and constantly verbally attacks him when there is no need. Tonight his uncle posted something was a liberal cause and liberals are awful and would ever donate their money, then went into some freak out about how wonderful he is. I posted, because my husband never does, and said to him that he was never being attacked and what my husband wrote never applied to him anyway, i've had it with everything being a liberal/conservative issue, and that instead of attacking my husband he could have said it was a good job or something. This isn't the first time I've done this and defended my husband against this person.

Second, my MIL has stopped just showing up because I've resorted to almost just ignoring her when she starts talking about her marriage, and because my husband really isn't interested any longer either. Instead, she's just being manipulative via text now to him.

His family is driving me crazy. They've never bothered with him, his mother certainly never bothered with him until we moved here, and now they are being annoying instead of loving in any way. It pisses me off because my husband is a phenomenal human being. I've spent the last few years working my rear off to be included...and now....I just don't care. My husband says all the stupid stuff just rolls off of his back because he's dealt with it for so long...but it seems so wrong to stand by and let him be insulted and treated the way they do.

Third, my complaint about my phenomenal human being of a husband. He is great...the problem is he's brilliant. It sounds great to be married to a genius, but there are days when I could just scream. Today, all I wanted to do was send two small books (religious books) to my niece and nephew. Not because I'm religious, or my niece and nephew are, not because I want to to sway them in any way....but because my siblings and I have these books ourselves and I thought it would be nice for them to have them and look back fondly on them as well. Instead, he was irritable and we argued in a Christian book store about how I was swaying them one way or another and I can't just send a book for the sake of it being a book, and how it wasn't really tradition if it started with just me. Why can't he just set aside being logical and his personal religious views for one minute? He still doesn't get it. It's not like our niece and nephew can even read yet!

We had this same argument yesterday as well. He received a message from a girl he had an emotional online thing with. He told me, and asked if he could reply. I told him no, no way could he reply to the girl he was going to sneak off and meet and signed off with "love ya". We argued about it until he threw my screw-up that I had 7 years ago in my face and said "You did that and I still moved in with you" meaning he still trusted me enough to move. So that makes it better? I've worked my rear off for 7 years to inform him of every male I've ever talked to, written, chatted with, worked with and so on so he knew he didn't have to worry. I cut off contact with plenty of men because it made him uncomfortable....and he can't just delete this stupid email and not respond to it for me? No, because he is being logical and saying I should trust him, he's done nothing wrong, he was open about it and wanted to congratulate her about her pregnancy.

He can't just turn off being the way he is, but I'm tired of constantly feeling like I'm always on the losing end of arguments because he is clearly thinking logically about it. Why can't some things just be off of emotion? They don't have to be logical. There doesn't need to be science and statistics behind it. Can't I just feel upset and have him just say "Okay, this really upsets her I'm just going to delete the email and completely ignore this other woman." I don't get it. It was awful having my sin completely thrown in my face when I punish myself for it still, and it was awful that it was used against me so he could email this other woman who I cannot stand.

I'm sick again. Whooping cough this time. WTF. It's probably due to stress, stress makes you more susceptible to illnesses. I did get vaccinated but the vaccine only protects you up to 85%.

This isn't everything. Let me also say there is some insane stuff going on right now in my own family. Every time I get off the phone with one of them I'm left stunned and just sitting on the couch thinking "there is no way I can help". It's such a bad situation I can't actually post it online. I sit here thinking there must be some hotline I can call, someone to talk to who would understand....but I'm terrified if I did that things would get worse. I mean, what do you choose....a bad situation or an even worse situation. That's rather vague....but I can't be anything more than that about it.

I'm exhausted. I don't feel anxious, or depressed about any of it like I did before. Overall I feel like I'm managing about half of it well. The other half makes me feel like I need a vacation by myself , that my marriage is in trouble, and I have no control.

Goodness, it seems every time I post I write a book. I just don't get it. I think that sums it all up. I don't get it at all. It makes me want to curl up in bed and stay there for awhile....or at least locked in the bedroom away from everything with just my books.

It feels like things went really well for a few years, and we've hit this year and all heck has broken loose. I feel like I'm just struggling to hang on until things level out an start to go well again. It feels like it will take years to get there after just this one year.

Goodness... it seems all of this stuff has just piled up on you, and now you have reached your breaking point. That happens to the best of us. Have you been able to talk to your husband at all about how all of this is affecting you? He's your husband, and aside from the arguments, you should be able to go to him for support. How about other family members or close friends? Can you talk with them? It's important to have an outlet and to feel like there's someone in your corner to listen to you and support you, it can really help to take some of this burden off your shoulders.

Take a breather when you can... go for a walk, visit with a friend, do something you enjoy, just to clear your head and help you put these issues into perspective so you're better prepared to deal with them. It can be hard sometimes, but just take it one day at a time. Try to have a calm, rational discussion with your husband about all of this and how you two can deal with it together. Don't put things on the back-burner, because then it will just build up on you again and it will become too much to deal with all at once. Good luck.