Sister problems

**LittleBigsis32** · 12-24-2010 11:01 PM

ok,so this christmas eve i opened up our presents and there were really cool.
i got money from my uncle and told me to get this to her.so my uncle tells her if i gave her the money and i said "o,i forgot." and then in the car i was thinking about,why should i give her money if she says she will pay me back but she never does? i got money alot of times and she begs for it and say she will pay me back.but she never does.its been months and she never pays me back.then when i told her im keepin it cuz she owes me lots of money,she gets mad and cussing and yells at me.(texts me on phone) she says i never give respect and apprecation but i always say thank you and it makes me angry to know she made doesnt do the same for me. then on facebook,she posted she hates me then i reply

"dude,yes im sorry for defining you,but if you were in my shoes,you would have know how i felt.You sayl u gonna pay me back,but its been months and i get no money from you.You said u were gonna pay me back when i gave you money to go to the stupid club.U SAY I NEVER RESPECT AND APPRECIATION YOU BUT YOU NEVER GIVE ME ANY RESPECT AND APPRECIATION. SO WHY SHOULD I GIVE THE MONEY? IM TIRED OF U USING ME TO GIVE MONEY. GET UR OWN JOB.IM SICK AND TIRED."

wat should i do?

**BabyGirl** · 12-26-2010 11:31 AM

Sweetie ..

Your Uncle gave you money to give to your sister that since she owed you money you did not, nor will you give that gift to her and you 2 are at odds over loans and paybacks ?
And you are " Fighting on Face book about it for all the world to see ?'

I'm thinking you should both calm down, take a break from confronting each other.
Both Grow up a lil and take your Squabbles OFF of Face Book.

Start the New Year with Forgiveness

The Money issue should be a lesson Learned. . Start the New Year with a " Don't worry about paying me back this time, consider it a Gift. I don't want to fight over something like this. "
And offer a Truce.. and of course explain why you won't loan Money again. Then Start Over. Never bring it up again.

And Hope that nothing happens to her.. that would have you saying as your first thought at a Funeral " Dayum, She Owed me Money " Or " She was an Ungrateful Biach ". Your first thoughts should be of how much you miss her and loved her.

I'm sorry if I sound tough or condescending about your problem. But 3 years ago on Tuesday, My Brother took his life.. He was almost 50, we had years of "tussles" when Younger, times we never talked, times we were unforgiving and thinking Only We were "Right".
Did I ever loan him Money & not get it back ? Yes, Did I learn from it ? Yes, though it took awhile.. Did I explain I wasn't going to loan again without some sort of Security ( car title ) .. Yes !!

Die He Die " Owing me Money " ?
Yes!!

Do I care about that Money Now ?
NO !!!!

I'd rather he owe me a Million Dollars and have had him here these past 3 Christmas's .. Then to sit and think of him and missing what he was and wishing he would have Turned to me for help. even if it was for money to help him not be Depressed and get some medical help.
That would have been a Gift from me to him, or even a Loan.. If I could have paid for some treatment it would have possibly " Bought" him his life back. His will to Live..

What Do I have of Him ? Memories and a 1966 Mostly Restored " Tang " (Mustang) that I hold title to from the last loan, which was why he borrowed the money to start with.
That was His Dream Car.

What will I do with it ?
Right now, Nothing.. It sits in Storage, unfinished, just like his life. Though I am considering Donating it to a Charity that can finish restoring it and using it for auction to give money to Mental Health and Job Services for people who feel like they have nothing to live for, nothing to give to others.
But. That would be a Loan and a Gift that the only Expectation of being " Paid Back" is that someone feel they are Loved or Love enough to Not Take the "Chicken shyt" Cowardly way out.

I Apologize for going on and on,... I just don't want you or others to take some Sibling Distention or a few Dollars Loaned & Owed. To become a Monetary Value of each others lives and the loving and losing of a Family member.

Can I forgive him ? I'm Trying to. This New Year is my next Years Resolution to try to hold on to the Good, see what can be Positive and to Try my Best to Forgive Him, the money he " Borrowed " and the " Love " that was given out of Love, that He still " Owes " those that Love him .

Am I Trivializing your Problem ?

I hope so..
Meaning I hope that one day you will see that owing a few dollars and fighting over them are So far Less Important than Building a Love of Family Vault.

One where you all can Borrow and Payback in ways you can or are able to.

**asiangrace** · 01-01-2011 11:44 AM

Sweetie, if your uncle gave the money to you to GIVE to your sister, then you should have. I can imagine it would be hard since she owes you money, but since your uncle is the one who said to give her the money, it should have been done with no question.

My brother owes me $2000 from four years ago but I have not seen a dime of it. However, we still have a great relationship and I can either choose to hate him and "hold it over his head" or forgive it and get on with our relationship. We have a close relationship now and I do not bring up the money he owes me. I do not expect to see that money any time soon, but that is okay because I would much rather have a good family relationship with him.

What I suggest to your sister and you is to, #1 (I agree with Hisbabygirl) is to take the fight off of Facebook. You do not need to publicize this fight for everyone to see. It should be discussed in private. If this continues to bother you - which it would bother me too! - I would arrange a private discussion between you two and a mediator. Someone who can see from both sides and prevent fights breaking out.

When you get older, you will see that a relationship and FRIENDSHIP with your sister is going to far outweigh any money that she owes you.

Meanwhile, just don't give her money anymore if she asks. Be polite but firm about it.

**WildChild** · 01-01-2011 11:58 AM

Best not to lend anything you can't afford to let go of forever.
If you are making a loan that Must be repaid, no matter to whom, put it in writing as an agreement, signed and witnessed.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 01-01-2011 02:41 PM

I do understand, your logic, but it's not your money to keep, it's a gift from someone else. Give it to her, take your message off facebook, stand tall, what comes around goes around, don't lower yourself to other people's standards, family or not..

Don't lone her any more money and remember, after she didn't pay you back the first time, second time, you choose to keep loaning her money....so you have to take responsibility that you made an error of judgement...

The world is filled with anger, why add that into your life? When you give her the money and take that message down, tell her, your my sister I love you, but don't ask me for any more loans, I don't want us to argue and when you can, start paying me back even if it's $10 a week...

If she never does, wear it...you chose to help her, she's bad with money, but it's only money, don't allow that to ruin your relationship, just stop doing it...

CW