Dealing with perfect sister-in-law

**thepinkelephant** · 12-30-2010 09:27 PM

Hello, everyone! I've been reading for a few months but this is my first post. I wanted to ask for some advice. I am an only child, so family and in-law relationships are totally new to me.

I love my husband very much. He is 33 and I am 30 and we have been married for 1.5 years (together for about 4.)

His parents are very nice to me and I cannot complain. However, he has a younger sister who is 29 whom they worship. Everything she does is golden. The parents had money problems when my husband and his sister were growing up and it seems to me that she got a disproportionate amount of attention and stuff when they were kids (trip to Paris, lessons, etc.). In their eyes, she can do no wrong. Also, she just had a baby. (We have no kids.) She is good-looking and has an ok job. Her husband also does pretty well for himself. I think my husband and I make more money and live in a big city whereas they live in the smaller metropolitan area in Virginia where he grew up. I think we overall make more money, but we are not as close distance-wise to the family.

Anyhow, I need help. My sister-in-law has never been rude to me, but is always spoiled by the family and worshipped overall. It kind of makes me sick. I feel like her parents are always talking about how great they are, and literally worship them.

My husband and I are going to meet our new nephew who will be one month old when we visit. I am trying to mentally prepare myself for meeting the nest Messiah, in the parents' eyes.

Are they fawning over the new baby and are they equally in love with both their children, or am I being overly critical since I am an only child and just don't get it? I can get into details, but from my perspective they spend more time with the sister, visit her more (even though she is closer) and overall try to stay in touch more with her.

**WildChild** · 12-30-2010 09:40 PM

Family dynamics can be hard to figure out. New babies and expectant mothers are always attention drawers and rightly so.
I don't understand what the repeated statements about you making more money are about but taht shouldn't really be an issue.
Does your husband feel slighted?
If not, leave it alone and enjoy the visit.

**mrsent** · 12-31-2010 04:03 AM

You obviously feel ignored and uncared for because the center of attention is your sister in law. well thats normal but just think again . . . . have you ever thought what your husband would say about your feeling towards her if you told him?
maybe you should just stop minding whatever attention she is getting from everyone and think about how much attention you are getting from your husband. isn't that what matters more.

**asiangrace** · 01-01-2011 11:36 AM

I totally understand how you fee, thepinkelephant. My parents favor my older brother and sister-in-law, though they would never admit it. They take them on elaborate vacations, buy them beautiful gifts for no reason, help them out financially whenever they need it, and brag about them 24/7. My brother does not even have a college education and he works a mediocre job and my sister-in-law is on disability. I have been more "successful" than they have. However, what I have learned over the years is that I cannot let it 'get to me.' Yes, it's frustrating. Yes, it is sickening BUT I have to CHOOSE not to et it get to me personally.

If you are happy with your life and your husband, then they way his parents treat your sister-in-law should not bother you so much. Not to say that your situations is easy at all! I do understand where you are coming from. But if you make that your focus, you are just going to live in bitterness and it is NOT worth it. Trust me, I know.

You and your husband need to focus on each other and not on the attention your sister-in-law is getting. Does your husband get bothered by it? Maybe it is something you two need to talk about one-on-one.

I understand how are you feeling, but please don't let it overrule you!! It is not worth it!

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 01-01-2011 02:47 PM

I personally think when someone writes like this, they have a desperate need to feel loved...

The way in which you described the parents struggle, to give their children everything, to visit their daughter often, as she lives close, to love, basically - what a great family, don't you think?

4 years verses 30 years, I'm sure they have welcomed you into the family but they have had 30 years,with their children, there's a bond, called blood in addition...

It's difficult when you didn't receive such warmth love, but now you have a chance to grow, learn and take and give yourself...

I'ts simply called love...

If you don't feel loved? Then start with yourself, because it's a great thing to give and receive...

CW