Verbally abusive father...

**collegegirl2010** · 01-28-2011 02:27 PM

I forgot to get to clothes out of the dryer and start another load, and my dad came home fussing. These are the exact words he told me," You think a man gone want you, and you can't do no work. You'll be by yourself." He feels that women should work around the house and the man should be treated like a king. I'm sorry but if any man feel this way about me, I don't want him because all he wants is a maid. Like sometimes he'll sit down and eat out of a plate, then I can be in my room and he'll call me all the way in the living room to take the plate in the kitchen. He does this all the time, like he can never do anything for himself. He just leaves stuff laying around just for the fun of it. It just gets on my nerves. Him and my mom act like my life should revolve around them. They know I'm in school and never one day do they leave me alone to deal with school work. Plus, I'm trying to stay in shape, so I walk and its like they want me to work to please them instead. I also walk because they don't want me to go anywhere with my friends and have fun, it kind of helps clear my mind and get away from reality. They feel that my life should be at home and church and that's it. And what makes me angry the most with my dad, is that he'll mistreat me and act like nothing ever happened and expect me to be all friendly with him. I hate my life here. I don't know what to do.

**Maximus** · 03-25-2011 03:24 AM

Not sure whether you have "family meetings", where everyone gets to express themselves and share about how they feel, or what is bothering them.
It might be something you want to try. Or at least propose.

It's healthy, plus you don't have to build resentment. (unhealthy stuff, that is).

You have already done great by acknowledging the limiting paradigms in which they live.
So, that belongs to them alone.

The abuser only abuses himself, through sheer Ignorance.

**WildChild** · 03-25-2011 07:54 AM

Sweetie you have to keep your focus on what you are working toward. You are in college. You are working toward a different kind of future and lifestyle. But for right now you are doing what takes to reach that goal.
Did either of your parents go to college? I'm betting they didn't?
Looking into additional grants and scholarships, maybe next year you could live on campus? That would make it easier to really immerse yourself in the full college academic experience.
No matter what you find difficult about your parents, they raised wonderful you, so in amongst all the misguided things they might have done or do, they must have done something right!

**pretzel** · 03-25-2011 08:15 AM

Originally Posted by WildChild

Sweetie you have to keep your focus on what you are working toward. You are in college. You are working toward a different kind of future and lifestyle. But for right now you are doing what takes to reach that goal.
Did either of your parents go to college? I'm betting they didn't?
Looking into additional grants and scholarships, maybe next year you could live on campus? That would make it easier to really immerse yourself in the full college academic experience.
No matter what you find difficult about your parents, they raised wonderful you, so in amongst all the misguided things they might have done or do, they must have done something right!

Couldn't have said it better,

**Seeker_Advice** · 03-25-2011 01:35 PM

I thought you were going to start looking at your life and all things that are part of it in a more positive manner?

Didn't someone suggest that to you a few weeks back in a post?

You are either contributing to or contaminating your life and others around you. Which do you believe being negative and thinking negative thoughts frequently is? Contributing or contaminating?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-25-2011 03:17 PM

Little daughter............

Parents "always" irritate us when we are young, especially if we have our own dreams, goals and they don't exactly match theirs.

Here's the thing... You won't always be living at home...

It's easier to just grab the plate acknowledge this is the way "they are" and not take it as the way you do, just in the knowing that that is the way that they are....

Your Dad's comments are his belief, that a woman should tend to the man...that's okay, that's his belief....smile

In the very near future, you will pass college, have your eating pattern where you want it, your walks for you, further study even whilst you are working, friends that are yours all sorts of things and you will live your life for you

You'll take the advise you believe in, from your parents in the way in which they bought you up, as WC stated, look at you, you are a smart girl whom wants things out of life

So yes, they must have done something right and you will not take the opinions or advice that does not suit how you see you wish to live your life.

Whilst we live under their roof, we live under their rules...It's not for life though is it

**collegegirl2010** · 03-25-2011 08:06 PM

Originally Posted by CHANDLERS WISH

Little daughter............

Parents "always" irritate us when we are young, especially if we have our own dreams, goals and they don't exactly match theirs.

Here's the thing... You won't always be living at home...

It's easier to just grab the plate acknowledge this is the way "they are" and not take it as the way you do, just in the knowing that that is the way that they are....

Your Dad's comments are his belief, that a woman should tend to the man...that's okay, that's his belief....smile

In the very near future, you will pass college, have your eating pattern where you want it, your walks for you, further study even whilst you are working, friends that are yours all sorts of things and you will live your life for you

You'll take the advise you believe in, from your parents in the way in which they bought you up, as WC stated, look at you, you are a smart girl whom wants things out of life

So yes, they must have done something right and you will not take the opinions or advice that does not suit how you see you wish to live your life.

Whilst we live under their roof, we live under their rules...It's not for life though is it

Thanks Mommy!

And I try to deal with it, though sometimes I want to curse him out, lol...

**collegegirl2010** · 03-25-2011 08:09 PM

Originally Posted by Seeker_Advice

I thought you were going to start looking at your life and all things that are part of it in a more positive manner?

Didn't someone suggest that to you a few weeks back in a post?

You are either contributing to or contaminating your life and others around you. Which do you believe being negative and thinking negative thoughts frequently is? Contributing or contaminating?

I try to think positive but because I'm so use to bringing myself down and dealing with a father that hates women, its hard to stay positive. So I'd have to admit, I am negative most of the time even when I want to be positive. I guess its just something I have to work on.

**collegegirl2010** · 03-25-2011 08:12 PM

Originally Posted by WildChild

Sweetie you have to keep your focus on what you are working toward. You are in college. You are working toward a different kind of future and lifestyle. But for right now you are doing what takes to reach that goal.
Did either of your parents go to college? I'm betting they didn't?
Looking into additional grants and scholarships, maybe next year you could live on campus? That would make it easier to really immerse yourself in the full college academic experience.
No matter what you find difficult about your parents, they raised wonderful you, so in amongst all the misguided things they might have done or do, they must have done something right!

My father dropped out in 12th grade and my mother graduated from college and went to vocational school. And thanks!

**collegegirl2010** · 03-25-2011 08:16 PM

Originally Posted by Virgile

Not sure whether you have "family meetings", where everyone gets to express themselves and share about how they feel, or what is bothering them.
It might be something you want to try. Or at least propose.

It's healthy, plus you don't have to build resentment. (unhealthy stuff, that is).

You have already done great by acknowledging the limiting paradigms in which they live.
So, that belongs to them alone.

The abuser only abuses himself, through sheer Ignorance.

I'd like to do that, but my family isn't open to stuff like that. My parents are the type that don't like change, and they think they know everything. My mother thinks she knows everything about computers, and when we try to educate her on it she gets angry and acts like she knows more than we do. So I just try not to talk to them about stuff. Its like they hate the fact that I'm young and young people can know some things.