Thread: Needs some sort of feedback please on this situation.

This is a long one, im going to try and make it as clear and understandable as i can.

When my husband and i met 6 years ago his family didnt approve, particularly his aunt. His aunt and my mother are friends, they have been friends for over 17 years. They share an apt before i moved to in this state. When hubby and i met and began dating the aunt started creating alot of problems for us, she hired girls to call my husband (at that time bf) phone, she would go through my backpack (at this time i was staying at the apt with mom and her) she stopped talking to me, she tried to fight with my husband when he got out of the train asking him why is he with me, she told his family lies about me so they would turn on me and created this bad profile in their eyes about me. All of this and more was while we dated. When we got married she never came to our wedding(we invited her despite of everything) after i had my daughter 2 years into the marriage my mother found that she tapped their phones and was recording all the convos i had with my mom over the phone. She then decided to call my house despite not talking to me and barely my hubby and tell him that she has proof that me and mom was talking bad about his family and that she would be waiting on him infront of our apt for him. He met her there and she had nothing. All this time my mother is renting with her despite of everything she has done to me .
Last year we got a visit from some friends which are pastors they were staying at my mothers and hubbys aunt place. The pastor came and had a talk with my husband and i telling us to go ask hubby aunt forgivness even though we did nothing to her, we would be doing our part to make peace . So we went and asked for forgivness and she said she forgave us with a look of disinterest, i started crying becuase i felt like she hurt me so much and she was just standing there playing the victim and never said sorry for the things she did to us. After that i guess pastor and my mother and everyone else expected things to be perfect and for us to be talking to eachother, it was not like that(let me add i use to say goodmorning to her and make an attempt to talk to her) . No one talked, she would talk to hubby if she sees him but when she sees me she looks at me as though shes looking at poop. I came home that day i cried telling hubby no one understand al the pain she caused and did to me. My mother tells everyone to talk to me about the aunt and that i need to talk to her. How can i do that when i dont trust someone? Someone who i know without a doubt does not like me?
My mother is always pressuring me to talk to her i dont know why , and telling all my family to talk to me about it constantly. Sunday was my mothers bday, everyone was over at their place and at the end of the day the aunt called her pastor of the church, my mother her sister and my husband and i in the room and she said, she wants to say something in front of the pastor her sister, hubby my mother and i. She she wants to move up with the lord spiritually and all this needs to stop and that she forgives us and apologize...for what? she didnt say. I said that i am willing to forgive you if u dont do anything to my marriage and she says whatever im hearing is wrong , i said im not hearing anything from anyone im talking about what u actaully said like the time u called my home , she said well it was true. Pastor told me to forget the past and move on that god will forgive the aunt because she choosed to do this and if i dont forgive her i wont be forgiven by god. Then her sis said that it looks bad when they have family get togethers and my hubby is not there when his aunt is there and vice versa with her.
I dont feel like she did this becuase she wanted to she did this for my mother becuase shes always pressuring us to talk to eachother. Now im having a hard time again like last year, everyone thinks that shes the good one becuase she came to make peace, but i dont belive thats what she was doing i feel like she was trying to paint a good girl picture to show the pastor and her sis. I dont trust her, she dont show no interest in mending things with us, her actions are different from her words, im scared of her...i feel like she would eventually do something again to mess with my marriage...
I invited mom over to talk to her yesterday about some childhood problems i recently realized and that its making this thing with the aunt even harder. When i told her how i never felt the unconditonal love from anyone growing up and how its hard when someone hurt me to forgive and just move on she told me i need to just deal with my problems, she totally blanked my childhood probs that was so hard to bring out in the open. I told her she always puts the aunt first and not me or my family, she says i think that becuase i dont have god in me. All shes saying is that i need to turn to god without understanding me and listening to what i have been through and how hard it is for me to deal with people who hurt me. She blew me off.
This is a mess. This was the first big argument me and mom ever had becuase of the aunt. let me mention that a few years ago the aunt told mom that since i moved in she(mom) forgot her (aunt). Im trying to think in reality here, im not sure if she and my mother had some sort of relationship or what. What i wanted to do was ask the pastor mom the aunt my husabnd and his other aunt to come over so i can finally let out how i feel, cause no one gave me that chance to do so. Im not sure if i should though, would i make things worse? I wanted to say something like this, to the aunt....you have hurt me so much and did so many things to break up my marriage and it is very hard for me to trust you around us again, how would i know u wont try one of your schemes again? I will forgive you for the past things but its going to take a while before i can trust u and for me to recover. If you can show me and my family that you really want to work things out i will feel better towards you.
As for my mother, she needs to put us first, if not i dont want to have anythng personal do with her. If my mother is in my life so is the aunt , it sucks but it is that way....i dont know what to do its causing alot of problems and sleepless nights for me . Its easy for the aunt to move on but i am the one who was hurt not her and no one except my husband understands that.
Any feedback...feel free to asks questions.