Thread: How bad would it be if we forced...

...his dad to go in to a nursing home? My boyfriend and I have been together for two and a half years. Two of those years, I have lived with him and his dad. His dad suffers from psychosis and depression. He had a stroke a few years ago and he has just been going down hill and detoriating both mentally and physically. My boyfriend and I live with him to help keep and eye on him in exchange for free rent. However, it is getting the point where his dad needs more help than what we can give him. My boyfriend's grandmother is his dad's legal caretaker. It takes the three of us to keep him in order. She refuses to put him in a nursing home. It is not like they cannot afford it. My boyfriend said his dad was in the nursing home after he first had his stroke and was happy and healthy to be around people his own age and have activities. His dad is 60, looks like he could be 85. He won't let us take care of him anymore. He eats food out of the trash can, digs through people's trash, steals other people's things when he's out in public, he steals our things, he's thrown out all of our dog's toys, brings trash home from public places and places it on the counter, he doesn't lock doors, one time I happened to walk in the kitchen and the dishwasher was leaking all over the floor and he was just standing in the water just watching it leak, he doesn't bathe or shower. Out of the two years I have lived here, I have only heard him shower once, he won't change his clothes. He wears the same clothes for months and months. If either of us tries to say something to him, he yells at us or becomes defensive and tells us "If we don't like it, we can move out." He follows us everywhere. If I'm cooking in the kitchen, he'll come in and just stand in the entry way just staring in to space. A couple of minutes later, he'll go back to the couch and then fifteen seconds later, he's back in the door way just staring. One time I locked my keys in the house and I rang the doorbell for him to let me in. He just stared at me through the window and walked away, leaving me outside. I had to wait on the front porch until my boyfriend got hom.

My boyfriend has tries talking to his grandmother about it and his grandmother won't heardof the idea. She thinks her son is fine (She doesn't seem him at home like we do). He is getting to be too much for either of us to take care of. No one can reason with his grandmother. If we move out, he will be forced to go in to a nursing home... Unless she wants to drive across town 2-3 times a day to check on him.

We can't do this for much longer. He won't let us help him anymore. What can we do? How awful would it be for us to tell his grandmother we're moving out? (We're not yet, but talking about this summer.)

Advice, please!