Thread: sisters (in law) issues

Originally Posted by nomads

I marry hubby for 6 years. We both coming from different part of the world. I never see or heard my hubby talking with his sisters. Many time I ask him to call his sisters the answer either 'what for' or 'nothing to say'. I confuse though never brought up as big issue. I heard him call his daddy (mom hardly) or cousin at leasts once/month. He seems happy after talking with them and I'm thrill. One time his mom email me why her son hardly call him and I was right away asked my hubby to contact his mom. I don't want them to think I'm the one who ask him not to call or in touch with the girls. I remind him every weekend as matter of fact to call his family. Either he calls or not isn't my call, right?

Couple months ago, we got invited to attend hubby's baby sister wedding. We said we'll come. She asked hubby to be an usher pair with 17 years old nephew which make him unhappy. He almost cancel the trip though I encourage him not to. I told him, it is ok if he doesn't want to be usher though make sure he come. I told him, if it isn't for the sister than it is for his dad and mom. I arrange all travelling arrangements, from hotel to flight etc. to make sure we are going.

day 1, just right after we landed we told by parent in law that they will pick us up around 6 for dinner. We slept for 4 hours only and still had jet lag after 17 hours flight. We still came to respect bride and groom. We reach the restaurant to find out we had no table and chair. We had to arrange our own table and chair and seated next to distance family. I was shocked though didn't say thing as I don't want to offend hubby. In my culture it is beyond rude especially in big occasion to guest not ready for them, especially family member we always seated together. Isn't this western culture as well?

day 2, having dinner rehearsal. Mom dad in law picked us up and found out we didn't have chair (again). We got chair since the Priest didn't come. OMG!
It's kind of weird to find out I'm the only member of family which the picture wasn't displayed. Kind of sad though I think positively, perhaps she forgot or I'm not her blood family any way, right? Though I found all her in laws were displayed. It isn't we never took pictures together. Once she visited us, I show her around, took her to another country and paid for some expenses, i.e flight, hotels etc. We took lots lots of pictures during the trip. Any way, I feel sad though keep thinking positively that night. FYI, I'm the only Asian in the family, is that the problem? If it is, I can't do anything about it, right? LOL. I was born like this I can't choose my race, right?

day 3, on the wedding day my parent in law pick us up 4 hours before the ceremony. They took us to the bride's room. She was getting ready and looks pretty. They seems unhappy though when we entered the room. Hubby and dad in law left the room. I was asked to stay by mom in law and can't say no. It is rude if I said no. I sit quietly. I notice the big sister helping her to get ready for almost 30 - 40 minutes but can't be done. Bride suddenly yelled my name and asked me to help her. In 5 minutes it's done, she left the room without say thank you to me. It is rude though I stay positive, she might be stressing out. I left the room and right away join hubby and dad in law in the ground fl. We had no food and drink while waiting for them. OMG! On wedding preparation, it is common to distribute foods and drinks to all people showing up, family members, friends, from make up artist up to security. I saw she offer food and drink to her bridesmaid etc etc though, I should just ask perhaps? Not because I want to be one of them just because I was thirsty , is it ok in western culture if I do that? Or is it rude?

Pass 12 and they hadn't ready. My parent in law keep asking when we can take family picture and got no answer. I and hubby actually it's ok if we aren't in any. As long as the bride happy. She is the most spoiled one in the family according to my hubby. The church ceremony is started and I was relieve as it is most important part in a wedding from my point of view. Right after the ceremony, she took so many pictures. It is her day, I understand though my parent in law wants to have family pictures. Suddenly the raining came and the group got separated. We were left behind without knowing where they went or what will be the schedule after that. My mom in law keep calling the photographer but no luck and they almost gave up. She manage to contact brother in law who gave her direction. After 1 hour got lost we arrived. They keep taking pictures no matter older people waiting. It is rude in my culture though I can't say thing, it isn't my wedding too. It would be nice to see older people get 1st opportunity especially on wedding pictures. Looking at the weather, winter time etc. I didn't see older people being respected by youngster at that time.

Finally she yelled, family time! We gathered and heard some say 'finally', only took us 5 minutes as she only want 1 family picture. She finally said 'family time is over!' OMG! At this point all I was asking 'What did your family do to you dear?' or she just spoiled like her brother told me.

On the reception, my hubby found out that we were seated away from family. He finally bit screaming 'THANK YOU VERY MUCH! I FLY MORE THAN 17 HOURS AND PAID 5000 USD JUST TO BE SEPARATED FROM MY FAMILY!' I was shocked though relieve 'it's about time'. He left his family member and went out. All I did that night was cheer him up. His aunt notice the situation and said sorry what just happen. She said it's must been hard for me and tell me that it isn't my fault and nothing I can do as they have been picking each other since they were children. The sisters ganged up on my hubby and vice versa. OMG! What a drama and I can't believe they can't get over it. They all are old (I don't know about mature, I guess not).

A day before we left the country. Bride and groom invited us to their house. She cooks and served the dinner to all of the guests including drinks but me. I got 1/2 piece of chicken but others got full one. I didn't say thing as I didn't even like the food. It didn't offend me at all even if she tries at that night. If it isn't for my hubby I already left as none of her treatment to me (us) were kind but I had to be there for my hubby. I got confuse and the question what did I do to her so she treat me like that? What should I do? I always discuss problem with my family member, it is ok not to like other though never abuse or mean to each other. I never treat others like the way sisters in law treat me or vice versa. Others, friends, family, colleagues from my side of world never treat me like that. It is brand new and want them to stop. Please help ,,,,

My wife of 21 years is Thai and I am an American of Hungarian, German, English and Dutch descent. We were married in Thailand.

If I had gotten such treatment from my family members, I would have disowned them. I have seen racism toward my wife at a restaurant in Florida. I see the actions of some of his family as bigoted, if not downright racist. Sorry you had to go through this. Maybe this is the reason your husband is distant from his family.