Need advice about my wife-

**MarkT** · 04-14-2011 06:58 AM

Seeker_Advice, I feel a moral obligation to my family. I can't give up on my marriage, I took my vows very seriously.
I had a new discovery this morning- Normally I don't make the bed, she does. I guess over the years I've just expected her to do it. While she was showering, I got dressed quickly and I made the bed. I used the same care as she would, making it look just so so. I paid particular attention to the way she puts the sheet and blanket under the pillows and tucks the comforter under the pillows then puts the comforter over the top of the pillow. I quickly rushed out to the kitchen to make breakfast and make her strength of coffee. She also got a non sexual back rub this morning. She came out to the kitchen and Boom, I got another one of those kisses! 3 of those kisses in 2 days has my head reeling. So I made her breakfast and I got the "eye"- that good kind of "eye".
On another note... I had to get my mind off the other for a bit... My son seems much more happy now. He is gaining his confidence back as he sees me gaining mine. Things are definately looking up around here.
I'm glad I stuck it out and did the hard thing. I had to swallow my pride, admit I was wrong and move on with my wonderful family. This is so great! I wish I could write a book about my life lessons and experiences. I'm no author or poet for sure. My grammer is terrible, but I'd like to do something positive with my experiences. If it helps one marriage, one guy understand how to make things better, it would be worth it. Most of us guys are lazy and will seek out the easy way, but that's not always in the best interest of all involved. This site made me look at things differently. That's what forced me to do what I knew I had to do, and that's what kept my family together. I'll be recommending this site to other clueless guys like I have been.

**Seeker_Advice** · 04-14-2011 07:24 AM

Awesome!

I think you'd be amazed what you could find if you kicked over a few stones. Ask your pastor at your church. If you don't have a church, call the office of the biggest church you can find and ask them. Whether you are spiritual or not, churches generally have ties/familiarity to all kinds of organizations that help others.

There is one national organization that I can think of, it's called Celebrate Recovery and was started by Rick Warren, the author of The Purpose Driven Life. Chapters of the group are popping up everywhere as people seek outside support for all types of things. It might be a place to start.
I've been involved in a chapter where I live for a few years now.

Something to think about...

Keep making the bed, coffee, breakfast, doing the dishes, laundry, etc. As it's the little things that make a difference.

**Seeker_Advice** · 04-14-2011 07:32 AM

Another group just popped into my head. It's called Retrouvaille (pronounced retro - vigh as in "high"). It's also a national organization that deals only with couples considering divorce. Not nearly as many chapters as CR but growing every year too.

I am not as familiar with Retrouvaille as I am with CR because my marriage ended in divorce. Retrouvaille is not for people going through or have gone through a divorce...only for people near the end and considering divorce. I do know that it was brought to this country from Quebec by the Catholic church. So if that interests you at all, check with your local parrish.

Just another thought on how you may be able to help others...

**WildChild** · 04-14-2011 07:56 AM

Mark a couple things you can do, one would be to write Pam an email about your experiences with her book. If that encourages some other men to read it and give it serious consideration, that could help people. Another would be to stick around here, we get men reading without posting and posting problems similar to your own all the time. Maybe you could encourage them to some of the same self examination and makes changes. That would help make a lot of men, women and children happier in this world.

**MarkT** · 04-14-2011 08:43 AM

Believe me, I'll stick around as long as I'm welcome. I sure wouldn't want to intrude or make anyone uncomfortable. Instead of an email, I'd like to call her and tell her personally about my situation. Her phone # is in the front of her book. More men need to know this information about women in general. It sure would make for a baby boom, I'd bet! hahaha-
All joking aside though, most men don't have a clue and their wifes/girlfriends are truly miserable just waiting for the right time to get rid of the schlub. If said "schlub", would just read and try to understand her, things would be much better for both.
All of this said, Who truly suffers in all of this? It's the children who never asked for this to be put on them. That's the cold, sad, hard truth. I looked at this through my son's eyes and it wasn't a very good sight. I wasn't the role model I should have been to him. That is one thing I have to live with.
I used to tell him that women were only after money and love wasn't their main goal, that's the way I thought it was. I had a bleak outlook on women in general. After all, I used to make very good paychecks and she wanted me. Now I'm disabled and she wanted to get rid of me. This is the way I used to think, the book and this site made me realize how wrong I was on the subject of women. I also thought, "Women want money and men want sex, okay, fair trade." But I was SO wrong, it was so far from reality. I can't even believe I thought that way. And still, so many men think along those lines and are missing the whole point of a healthy, productive and nuturing relationship.
Again, sorry for the long posts. I just can't believe I thought that way now. In the words of Ricky, "Lucy, you got some splaining to do." Now I need to teach my son about a healthy marriage and a healthy relationship.
Like I said before, this is just my view and thought someone might read it and it might help them in their struggles in a relationship.
So tonight, she comes home to a hot bath, candles and an ice cold beer on the side of the tub. Hey, I'm trying extremely hard to please the woman of my dreams.

**WildChild** · 04-14-2011 08:53 AM

You delight me!
Just remember that all things need balance. Let her give to you as well.
It sounds like you are creating a love affair in your marriage and that is a wonderful thing.

**Seeker_Advice** · 04-14-2011 09:16 AM

I assume the book you two are talking about is: How To Please A Woman by Pam Babbitt ??

As that was the only book by Babbitt that I could find on the Books on Sex thread.

**MarkT** · 04-14-2011 09:38 AM

It is Seeker. I just can't put that book down, it's so intriguing.

WC, I want my wife to know that I'm 100% committed to her. I hide nothing from her. I showed her all my posts on here, at first she was shocked that I felt the way I do about her. I told her, but she had to understand that it was open for everyone to see. My love for her is endless, life has no meaning without her. I do what I do to show her my love is real and never wavering. After she read my posts, she could see that I was reaching for any bit of knowledge to help me understand what she was missing and what I just didn't "get" about her. Now everything has turned 180* for the better. My heart cries for the lost time, my heart is heavy from the way I acted. I know now what kind of impact I had on her and don't blame her for wanting a divorce. If the roles were reversed, I'd do the same. Now that I know, it won't ever happen again. I won't allow myself to be that man anymore. My wonderful wife- she has put with more than I ever would. Looking ahead at life in front of us, I look forward to being her Man instead of her "child-like" husband she would just as soon leave.
This woman that God has given me and the new man she has been given, is hopefully going to make her a happy woman once more. I know how happy I am and just how lucky I am to be beside her. Life is once again Good.

**MarkT** · 04-14-2011 01:11 PM

Originally Posted by WildChild

Mark a couple things you can do, one would be to write Pam an email about your experiences with her book. If that encourages some other men to read it and give it serious consideration, that could help people. Another would be to stick around here, we get men reading without posting and posting problems similar to your own all the time. Maybe you could encourage them to some of the same self examination and makes changes. That would help make a lot of men, women and children happier in this world.

I called her phone number on her book- She just called me back! She asked if I would let her put my testomonial on her book! Of course I wouldn't mind! I'd like to get an autographed copy of her book. I'm hoping that happens! I'm just so excited about all the good things that have come from this experience. It's kind of overwhelming when I try to take it all in at once. I went from a guy who didn't have a clue about women and my wife ready to divorce me to my wife looking forward to coming home after work. She is excited to see me at night after work. My main reason for any of this was to keep my wife happy and to help her. Things are coming around and the future with my wife looks very bright once more. I've got to get off of this computer and get dinner ready for her and my son.

WildChild, Thank You so much from the bottom of my heart. This has definately saved my marriage.