dad just left to rehab ):

**cristy** · 04-03-2011 01:26 PM

My dad has been drinking for about 20 years and yesterday my family brought in a counselor to talk to all of us and convince my dad to get help . I'm glad he did but I feel like it tore me apart from my family . I love my dad and I hated hearing everything people said to my dad . Even my cousin got up and screamed saying he wished my dad was dead . That moment I couldn't take it . I got up and hugged my dad crying hoping he'd take the help . He did but now I don't even want to go around my family . They made my dad feel like he was the lowest of the lowest and I don't appreciate that . Idk what to do this counseling was supposed to help my family .

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 04-03-2011 01:58 PM

Why don't you ask them invividually, why they said what they did?

The shock factor of those words, obviously helped him decide to try rehab, maybe that was their intention, although I do not agree with anyone wishing anyone dead...

If their words were for that exact reason, I would be ensuring once it's safe that he won't sign himself out that they tell him that...so he realises it was tough love...

If that's not the case, I would still wait until he has undergone cold turkey long enough and I would ask them to apologise for those words....

CW

**jns** · 04-03-2011 02:32 PM

Originally Posted by cristy

My dad has been drinking for about 20 years and yesterday my family brought in a counselor to talk to all of us and convince my dad to get help . I'm glad he did but I feel like it tore me apart from my family . I love my dad and I hated hearing everything people said to my dad . Even my cousin got up and screamed saying he wished my dad was dead . That moment I couldn't take it . I got up and hugged my dad crying hoping he'd take the help . He did but now I don't even want to go around my family . They made my dad feel like he was the lowest of the lowest and I don't appreciate that . Idk what to do this counseling was supposed to help my family .

So your dad was a happy drunk for all of those years, he never said anything unkind and never did anything that hurt any family members. Is that true? If it is, then they shouldn't have been so mean and should take it back. However, in most cases that is simply not true. In most cases he would have hurt each and every one of them. I understand you are defending your dad, that is admirable. However if he was truly hurting them, that defense of him is misplaced. It ends up being a factor in his not admitting he has a problem. In psychology it is called being an enabler. Enablers allow an out-of-control person to continue to exist by supporting the person who is out of control. Over time the person who is out of control gets worse and also increases the damage to their body, risking dying at a younger age. Does any of this fit your situation? The fact that everybody got together and aired their grievances together made your dad realize the magnitude of what he had been doing and made him understand what he has now become. Then he was open to making a change. Continue to support him as he follows through on the help.

**Seeker_Advice** · 04-03-2011 07:19 PM

What type of "rehab" is he involved in? How long will he be gone? Can he check himself out if he wants to? Can he walk away at any time?

You can't talk a drunk into going to rehab any more than you can lead a horse to water and make it drink.

He's really only going to get better when he realizes that HE has a problem with alcohol abuse, that HE cannot control HIS drinking and that IT controls him.