Family Wants Me To Disown Cousin

**Larvae** · 04-08-2011 11:24 AM

I have a cousin (V) who has managed to greatly upset and alienate several family members. She has always had psych. problems and has had drug problems for many years. She seriously betrayed another family member (C). C's mother- my aunt- has serious anger issues and now cannot stand V. This event happened a few years ago, but C's mom has not spoken to V since. I believe that having anything to do with V would make C's mother extremely angry with me. I realize this is unfair, but it is simply how she is and she is unlikely to change. C's mom- my aunt- will hold it against me if I associate- even lightly- with V and might cut me out of her life. C's mom is one of the aunts that I am closest to, as I have been lifelong close friends with her grandaughter, R who is C's child. I am afraid that if I associate with V, C and R might also be hurt and angry with me. I don't want to lose one of my best friends since childhood, who is also a cousin, to associate with V. I no longer trust V. Still, she is my cousin and I love her. I have been disowned by my father's family and don't want to do that to someone else. V has turned so many of my mom's side against her, that I feel sorry for her even though she caused her own troubles. She has asked me to add her on a social networking sight. I have added two of her kids, but have not added V because C and R are on my friends' list and will know if I do. Recently V messaged me and asked if I did not love her anymore. I don't know what to do.

**D.D** · 04-11-2011 05:38 PM

there's a reason why your aunt would be mad at you if you speak with V, try to really understand her point of view, try to figure out why is V pushing people away, and how would that affect you if you get closer to her, maybe she is too dangerous for you to hang out with.
after giving that a lot of thought, if you're worried about her being in your life, its probably best to stay far from her so that she wouldn't betray you like she did with C.
but if you were 100 % sure she wont hurt you in any way, and assuming that your aunt will never tolerate your friendship with her, you should explain to V the situation your in, how you're afraid if by speaking to her you will lose your aunt, and try together to figure out how maintain this friendship. i don't know which social network you're on, but on my site i can fix my privacy settings and control if i wanted my aunt to see who i'm friends with.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 04-11-2011 05:57 PM

Be honest with your Aunt.

Call her and tell her the situation and exactly what you told us, given you have been through it, and it's only a social page, not "hanging out with her" and because you are your own person, with a heart, you want to make your own decision with their blessing on this and simply and purely not push her over the edge by rejecting that.

You have a choice to always say you are busy if she wants to hang out...And, if she is into drugs etc, you have a good reason not to ever hang out....

But, also ask your self, is, will she be a positive thing in your life? Or a negative....Because negative people bring you down and you can't change the world or her...

CW

**Schroeder** · 04-25-2011 08:26 PM

(a) Get some decent friends, so that you are not emotionally dependent on these volatile people.

(b) Don't disown anybody. Don't take a side.

(c) If one side asks you to support their side, say "I would appreciate it if you would leave me out of your bullsh!t".

Personally if I were in this position I would refuse to hear another word on the topic.

Life is too valuable to waste.

**Schroeder** · 04-25-2011 08:44 PM

Or you could just tell V "I am here for you but if I add you on Facebook I will hear no end of bullsh!t from the people you screwed over, so kindly do not ask me to add you on Facebook, in fact you should know better than to have asked me that to begin with."

I still say get some new friends that are not going to bully you or emotionally hijack your life.

Loving someone does not mean accepting their bags of .

Once they realize they can't manipulate you, they will stick to those they can manipulate.