My Sister's "wedding"--REALLY need advice...

**kygirl** · 04-22-2011 08:38 AM

Okay I have to vent because I am going CRAZY. My sister got married 3 years ago. She went to the courthouse and didn't even worry about the fact that no one could come... I was livid and didn't agree with the marriage, but would have attended the ceremony because she's my sister.

Fast Forward. She told me that they were going to have a ceremony so it'd be like a real wedding. Well they decided to do it this year for the 3rd anniversary. Kind of odd, but okay. She scheduled it the weekend before my last law school exam and she didn't set a date till 8 weeks before. I already knew what day my exam was and could have told her. But whatever. I still planned to go. Well at first, she didn't have anything organized (still doesn't much and the thing is tomorrow). I wasn't supposed to have to be there till 1:00. Then when I asked about photos she said 12.

Today I am on FB just checking around and happen to notice that her FB says something about us being there at 9 am now for rehearsal...First of all, I am driving home tonight and that's 2 hours from where I am not. (if not longer due to weather and construction) and then where she lives is another hour away.... I have been planning to take my car to the shop in the morning for 2 weeks because it's been acting up. She hasn't even called or texted to tell me to be there in the morning but there is no way I can because I have to get my car looked at....

I don't know what to do. I am about at my limit with this whole situation. It's been unorganized the entire time and I feel like my sister does not respect at all the fact that I am trying to do this for her even though I should be at home studying instead of driving all over the place. I don't know if I should say something to her or not... I don't want to ruin her day, but I find it rude to find out that I'm *now* supposed to be there at 9 am less than 24 hours before....

Thoughts??

**KMonte85** · 04-22-2011 08:43 AM

ky are you IN the wedding? If not, I would say "see you at 12!" and leave it at that... actually, even if you ARE in the wedding, obviously your roll isn't so crucial as she can't even call or shoot you a quick text, so still show up when you were planning to. You can always say you've been so preoccupied with your exam and her wedding, that you didn't look on facebook.

**kygirl** · 04-22-2011 08:50 AM

KM, That's what I was thinking. I mean, it's a pretty small affair still. I think there are maybe 30-40 people attending. I want her day to be special but it is soo aggravating to me that she can't be a bit more respectful of those of us trying to help her out. I've had to ask her what kind of dress to buy, I'd had to ask her what time to be there, and It's not my wedding?! She's a stay at home mom, and I know that keeps her busy, but I'm trying to make sure I don't fail my last exam

I just think it's rude to be so inconsiderate. Most of the other people involved live really close (like 5-10 minutes away) and I'm driving 6 hours roundtrip to be there. A little notice and a little bit of organization would be appreciated.

I'm just afraid she finally will text (probably at 8 or 9 tonight) and then I'll have to tell I'm not coming early and it's going to be an issue.

**KMonte85** · 04-22-2011 09:26 AM

Any mention WHY she's making people show up hours earlier than what was originally communicated? If pictures aren't until the afternoon, why should you have to be there so early? Especially considering it is a smaller event... I'm wondering if she's expecting everyone to show up early just in case there's stuff/tasks that need to be done? She should be able to ask one of those people who live closer to come early and help her out with whatever...

**Beautiful Disaster** · 04-22-2011 09:33 AM

Whats up with deciding to have "your big day" 3 years after you made it very clear you didn't care if anyone else was involved? And whats the deal with 3 years? I have pairs of underwear older than that. Forgive me, but it just all seems really selfish to me. I mean, if you want to "publicly profess your love" (which I think is total garrbaaaaj!) then STAY married, SHOW people by your actions and by your relationship what love is and be an inspiration for others. Don't ask people to put themselves out both physically AND financially (cause you sure as heck know they'll be getting gifts *rolling eyes*) THREE years after you've been married. Give me a flippin break. You decide 3 years after the fact you want to randomly pick a day to be "your big day", be center of attention, have everyone oh and ah over you and bring you gifts? Umm....too late IMO. Gah! If you can't tell, this really irks me. lol

Now....you are putting forth an effort by even involving yourself. They are already married, already said the vows, before God, you may kiss the bride, yadda yadda yadda. This is not their "special day". If it were, then any married couple could then every other year say "That wasn't really what I wanted, I'd like to have the ceremony of my dreams this year". Pfffft. She should be grateful ANYone even wants to be involved. You have a life, a busy one, a fulfilled one, a happy one, *wink wink* and if it is going to seriously inconvenience you to be a captive audience for her on her "BIG DAY" *rolling eyes AGAIN*, I'd simply be : supportive but firm in what I can and cannot do. If 12 is when you can reasonably be there, then say 12, no sooner. Stick to your guns girl. Be present to the extent you can be without feeling resentment about it. That's the key.

**kygirl** · 04-22-2011 09:36 AM

KM...well upon further view of the comments on her page, apparently there was going to be a rehearsal tonight (which I never heard about) and now she decided to do it tomorrow at 9:00 am instead. I'm not sure when the message was posted about having a rehearsal. I'm also thinking a rehearsal is hardly going to take 3 hours for a ceremony that is probably going to last 20 minutes. I bet you are right on the setting up. I just have this horrible feeling that the whole thing is going to be a cluster and it's sad to say but I really kind of wish I'd just told her I'd come but not be in the ceremony. I have to leave to head back home early, the weather is going to be crazy and who knows what tomorrow is going to be like as far as actually having anything organized at all.

I really figured that she would be a bit more concerned about making sure this was nice, but she didn't even mail out invitations till last Friday. Yes, as in, a week ago. Obviously family knows about it, but as far as everyone else, who knows.

**kygirl** · 04-22-2011 09:42 AM

Thanks BD! I think that is what is frustrating me a little. I'm already freaking out about not having adequate time to study and get things done that I really need to this weekend and the plans just keep changing. She also knows I can't stay for the entire reception, and now I'm paranoid that the ceremony won't start on time and I won't end up getting home till 9 or 10 tomorrow night and I'm just going to be a nervous wreck about everything else I needed to do this weekend. I am basically giving up tonight and all day tomorrow as it is and I don't mind because she's my sister, but at the same time, I just keep thinking that this is sooo freaking disrespectful.

If she wants to have a wedding vow renewal (which to me would have made more sense maybe at 5 or 10 years) then fine... But this is what happens when things get planned by her and her husband. Everyone else is practically already there and those of us who have to travel to try to be there for her get screwed over because she changes the plans 15 times and doesn't tell anyone.

Grrr... as you can tell...I too am irked

But yes... I am going to just tell her I can't be there till 12, put on my happy face, hope for the best, leave when I have to leave and hope that all goes well. I have too many *good* things right now to let this bring me down