Thread: Hate my family

Had social problems when younger and now I know whose fault it is. I have always felt lonely and depressed and never had many friends. I even married someone I didn't like. I don't like any of the friends I have now either. I act to fit in with them but I have my own fantasies in my head of what kind of friends I want. I don't agree with anything they say, but I shake my head yes and pretend I do.

If I actually stated how I truly feel, I would probably be outcast. I am shy, lonely, have anxiety, depression, sometimes panic attack disorder, have a bad anger problem. I live with my parents now. I have no money to move out- my job does not pay enough and I feel as if I am going insane. I hate walking by them and try to avoid it as much as I can. I will stay in my bedroom for hours without eating just so I don't have to walk by them. I wait until they are in bed and then I get up and do errands around the house. I only clean when they leave to go somewhere which is hardly ever!

When they are home all I want to do is sleep, I won't wear makeup around them or nice clothes because it puts attention on me. If I go out dancing at night with friends -first of all my parents give me dirty looks if I walk by them and leave to go out at night. They think going out is stupid and people should be in bed and just stay home all day. I walk by them all plain, and when I get into my car, I drive down the street and change into sexy clothes and high heels. I come home late at night and the next day they give me more dirty looks and act weird around me. They dont swear, drink, etc. which is fine- I don't believe in it either. One time my mother was talking about one of my kid's friends mother's- she said the mother was nice but says words like "" and that the women looks like she smokes too.

I literally have trash piled up in my bedroom closet because I can't throw it away- I have to walk by them, so what I do is when they leave the house, I put all my trash in my car trunk and then throw it away some where else. They are really nosy ,and my mother goes thru my stuff too when I am at work

I am 40 and have kids! They tell my kids what to do and if I yell at my kids, I get yelled at by them! I hate pulling into their driveway when I come home- i just get a sick feeling. they are miserable, depressing, boring. I was never allowed to do anything as a child. everything was "bad".

I am 40 and still afraid to do things. I have never felt normal and I look at everyone else and want to be them . I am trying to better my life but am too depressed to even move. I have gained weight, and am afraid to even go out with my friends because I will have to walk by them and they will KNOW that I went out! I have no interest in anything anymore, I don't exercise anymore, I stay in bed all day in the summer and won't go swimming because it is "their" pool. I feel like I am in and am frantically trying to get out.

If I drive down the street, I am afraid they will pass by me in their car! the only time I feel somewhat comfortable is when they go out of town- then I know I cant' run into them--but I still look for them! I even keep my bedroom door locked so they won't come in--I know they won't but if it's not locked I don't feel right.

I don't remember ever hugging, kissing, or saying i love you to my parents and I also remember never wanting too either!! I always thought my mother was gross and I couldn't stand it if her skin rubbed against mine. I don't understand it when people say they love their parents! In fact, I hate when i HEAR that because it makes me wish I had parents. They are so uncomfortable to be around and you feel awkward. I feel that my social problems when I was younger are coming back. I didn't talk to anyone as a child, even if I was threatened to talk, or hit, I wouldn't talk in school. I am even afraid to talk to my kids when they are around because I don't want them to hear me talking to them. I can't even talk on the phone and people get mad at me why I don't call them. I only make phone calls when they are gone. They also told me that if I am on my phone, they can hear me talking thru theirs- a bad connection. I even have a lock and key and hide some of my stuff.

I swear under my breath all day long about them and how I can't wait until they are dead.

Wow.... you and your parents have some serious issues. I can imagine that it must be difficult to be 40 yrs old and have to move back home giving up any resemblance of freedom that you had. It sounds to me like your parents still see and treat you like a child. You said that you have children... how old are they? Are they also living with you at your parents house? If so it has to be a very difficult situation for them as well and I'm sure they are aware of the tension between you and your parents. You need to find a way to get out of there if not for your own sanity, then for the sake of your kids (if they are in fact living there as well) I realize with todays economical hardships (the way the economy is and lack of job openings) that is probably easier said than done... have you ever considered moving into a place that is shared with someone other than a relative? Or maybe with a relative that doesn't instill such strong negative feelings in you? Did you have the same depression prior to moving back with your parents or is it because you are living with them? You may want to go to a doctor (they have ones that work on a sliding scale fee if cost is an issue) and see about getting some counseling and a counselor may even be able to assist you in finding proper accomodations so you aren't stuck in your current living situation.