My family want nothing to do with me, please help

**LifeGoesOn** · 05-09-2011 09:54 PM

Hi everyone. Well I'm 17 and a few weeks ago I was kicked out of home because I told my parents I am pregnant. I am now staying with my father's uncle. It is good here because I work weekends & can help him with bills etc as he is very old. Then during the week I am at University. My dad is a very strict man. I have tried ringing him to apologize but he continues to hang up the phone straight away. My mother is too scared to come near me because he might find out & get very mad. I am also too scared of him to go around and apologize to his face. I do not have friends that I can turn to for support. Also the baby's father has stopped talking to me as I told him I won't get an abortion. I always put my family first but now everyone has left me. I do not blame them for hating me because I know I am an idiot for getting myself into this but I don't know what I can do to make them forgive me? I need them back, I really need their help. As I am getting further into the pregnancy I am getting more sad & stressed as I just want someone to be near me. Please advise me what I should do or just how to feel better. & please no negative comments, thanks

**WildChild** · 05-09-2011 10:06 PM

There is little sense at this point in coulda, woulda, shoulda, you've made your choices and now you have to determine how to make the best of things.

It is good that you have someone in your family who is willing to be there for you. What do you see yourself doing in the future? Are you planning to put the baby up for adoption? Are you currently getting health care?

You cannot make your family come round. They have to reach a point on their own where they are willing to do that. You might try contacting your mother through a neighbor or something but it doesn't sound like you can count on any of them for support emotional or physical. I think all you can do is what you are doing - move forward on your own. I really encourage you to stay in school if at all possible, a good education will serve you well in the future no matter what happens.

**Mes T** · 05-09-2011 10:07 PM

Hi LifeGoes on,

I'm glad you've found this forum - there are many helpful and supportive people here.

How long has it been since you've moved out?

Do you have any plans for after the baby is born, as in do you plan to adopt it out or keep it?

Your father is probably so angry because he feels you've "screwed" your life up, however... If you can communicate to him your future plans, for example if you are planning to adopt the baby out to someone who is financially and emotionally ready for a child, and if you can demonstrate you've learned from your "mistakes" about birth control, relationships, etc, then maybe he would be more willing to forgive.

If he won't answer the phone write a letter. Or call your mother. Or communicate something to them through a relative like your dad's uncle.

Are your folks very religious? What were your reasons for foregoing abortion?

Edit: Didn't see the above poster's reply before posting this, WC and I seem to have similar questions.

**LifeGoesOn** · 05-09-2011 10:22 PM

Thanks for a quick reply guys. Well I am planning to keep the baby. I thought about adoption but I don't think I would be able let baby go when he's here. I wanted to take a year off school and I would return when baby is old enough to go to day care? At the moment I want to work full time so I can save up for everything the baby will need, I already have quite a bit saved up so far.
And my parents, they don't go to church or anything but I heard that my dad was a rebel back in his days. My brothers are also a lot of trouble and my dad just probably didn't want me to turn out like everyone else in my family.

**Mes T** · 05-09-2011 10:28 PM

Hon I don't want to make you feel bad, but... How do you plan on having enough money for a baby? Do you know how much day care costs in your area? How about diapers, emergency trips to doctor if anything happens, and then later school bills, new clothes that he will grow out of seemingly a day after you buy them, shoes, toys? A baby is the most expensive thing... in the world, I'd wager.

You're only 17... I don't know where you're from but in the states hardly any kind of job above minimum wage is available to teenagers, or to people who haven't completed school.

I know this is coming from a complete stranger, but I think that you should think a bit more about adoption. There are couples out there who are in stable relationships, have a nice home and live in a good neighborhood, who have all the right financies, who YEARN for a baby to call their own but maybe can't have one naturally.

Please put the needs of your child first, and not your own.

I hope you don't forego adoption JUST because you think it would be hard on YOU. This is a future human being we're talking about. I hope you consider his needs, and what kind of life he may have in these two different situations.

**LifeGoesOn** · 05-09-2011 10:36 PM

Yes your right. I am from New Zealand. But yes I understand and totally agree with what you said. I don't want baby to suffer because of me. I will consider open adoption as I can still see the baby right?

**Mes T** · 05-10-2011 02:27 PM

I'm in New Zealand too!

I'm from the States but just on a working holiday visa here.

I don't know what the specific adoption rules are. Why don't you make an appointment with an agency, and just go in there and have a chat with someone who can explain the entire process. You wouldn't need to make any decisions on the spot, but it would be nice to have a full understanding of the process.

Have a google search of agencies closest to your area, see what you come up with.

Before the baby is born is precious time to gain as much information about different options as possible.

**Maximus** · 05-10-2011 03:54 PM

Hello LifeGoesOn,

I am deeply touched by your story for many reasons.
What you express about wanting your family around you, is normal and legitimate.
You should have never been in position to have to ask for them to be near you.
I guess they are also making their internal journeys and coming to terms.
I do hope they don't take too long,i.e., they contact you and actually stand by you as a buffalo herd stand by their little ones.

About the baby.
The most important thing is for you to focus on him.
You are already doing great given the circumstances.
If I may I would also add that you focus on having positive thoughts, in a very honest way.
Speak to him, re-assure him.
He may be small but he is totally tuned up with you.
He will make his your fears, your joys, everything about life, plus what he came up with.
So it's a paramount importance for you to surround yourself within an environment where he feels welcomed and re-assured.
Again given your situation this may seem difficult since you are reaching out to the only people you know and trust.

As the pregnancy progresses, contact any organization that provides psychological, and financial support for young mothers.

If this can serve as an example...my mother had me when she was 17 too.
And today we both turned out just fine. As matter of fact we greatly over-achieved given the circumstances...

Good luck to both of you.
V.

**LifeGoesOn** · 05-10-2011 08:05 PM

Thanks everyone. I am following all your advice. Thanks for getting back so quick

**jns** · 05-10-2011 08:20 PM

Good luck with everything. Don't let people influence you too much about the decisions, but consider good advice. You may be able to continue your education by taking classes that are mostly online. That way you would not have to use daycare very much. Continuing education is much easier to do these days because of the choices you have.