Boyfriend's Sister Engaged- Jealousy...

**lizzardb63** · 07-08-2011 08:03 AM

Hello,

My boyfriend's sister got engaged last night. I knew it was gonna happen for the last 2 weeks, just didn't know which day. My boyfriend and I have a ring picked out, and its more or less a waiting game for me now. I am happy for her, but I can't help this feeling of being bummed out or sad about it. I will admit, yes I am a little jealous (who wouldn't be?), but it makes me a little depressed. Here's a little background on her.

She isn't really the nicest person to me. We were out at the bar one night and playing a game of pool. She was my partner and my boyfriend and their cousin were partners against us. Well, it was nearing the end of the game and she went to the bathroom. By the time she came back, they beat us. She walks up to me and goes "What did you do? Did you skip my turn? Why did you make us lose?" and i pretty much stood there speechless thinking to myself 'Really???'...so okay whatever. Well, my boyfriend and I live together and she asks "So how do you like living with your boyfriend?" and I said "Its good! You learn a lot about each other. Do you think you and Mark will move in with each other?" and she goes "OMG no! We're WAY too religious for that!"...which felt like a slap in the face. Even their cousin mentioned something to me and her aunts have said stuff that she isn't very nice to me.

OKay...so after that is said and how she's been in the past, if my boyfriend and I get engaged soon I KNOW she will say "But we were engaged first" or "You only got engaged because Mark and I got engaged"...getting engaged is something a girl dreams of her whole life and I feel it's going to be a little...idk...disappointing. I feel I will just be in her shadow.

Am I wrong for feeling this? Am I being crazy? I am happy for her, don't get me wrong. They love each other and deserve to start a life together just as much as the next couple...but I can't help feeling a little bummed about it.

**lizzardb63** · 07-08-2011 08:06 AM

I should also mention...her ring looks VERY similar to the one I picked out...which just makes it worse.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 07-08-2011 08:43 AM

Jealousy may be normal (and in some cases a twinge of it is), but it most of the time has to do with what's going on inside of you, not the other person. So she's engaged? Big whoop.....

So she's a rude person...... that has nothing do with why you're jealous. You're jealous because you want to be engaged, you want the ring, etc. Let it be what is, Jealousy....then shoo it away and move on with your life.

I was in a similar situation, except on the other side. My boyfriend and I of 5 years got engaged. His cousin who we were both very close with had been dating her boyfriend for less than a year. She didn't seem overly happy for us....because she was jealous. She wanted a ring, she wanted an engagement. So, two weeks later when we were still in our "Yeah we're engaged!" phase, we went out to eat with his family after church and guess what? Boom, they are engaged and her ring is EXACTLY like mine except BIGGER. lol. Needless to say, they stole our thunder BIG time.

Your time will come if it's right. Don't get too hung up the actual engagement, the ring, the hooplah......it really doesn't mean much in the scheme of things. What does? True love.

**KMonte85** · 07-08-2011 09:09 AM

It's understandable you're feeling envious of her. You want to be engaged and she is. We're human and that is a human emotion... but you need to recognize it for what it is and stop comparing, stop letting it bother you.

You and your bf's sister walk two completely different paths. She isn't you, and you are not her - so you must stop comparing. And furthermore, you already know as far as an engagement to your boyfriend goes, it isn't a matter of "if" it is a matter of "when" - be patient and know that the path you walk is with your boyfriend - his sister has nothing to do with it.

You will not be in her shadow. You're happy news when the time comes will not be any less happy because she got to show her ring off first. Everyone will be ecstatic for you, whether or not she is engaged. And I would hope that as a mature adult, she would refrain from the snide comments, but if she doesn't, just turn the other cheek, ignore her, and act happy for both you and her. She's just going to make herself look like a fool in front of everybody if she makes any rude comments.

**lizzardb63** · 07-08-2011 09:13 AM

It's not a matter of showing off a ring, I just fear she's going to be nasty towards me and make me feel bad once it does happen. She has a way of doing that. I guess you're right though, just as her family has noticed her immature side in the past, if she decides to act childish they will notice it again.

Thanks for the advice. And of course, I would be getting engaged because I want to spend the rest of my life with the wonderful man I love so dearly--not to show off a ring.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 07-08-2011 09:52 AM

And of course, I would be getting engaged because I want to spend the rest of my life with the wonderful man I love so dearly--not to show off a ring.

Exactly!!!!

You're going to have an awesome engagement. And it will happen in due time.

I was thinking about this earlier... jealousy gets such a bad wrap.... but it's one of those things that we ALL experience at times. And sometimes it teaches us valuable lessons about ourselves. There are times I find myself feeling jealous over something and have absolutely NO idea why. Takes some self reflection to figure it out sometimes.

Don't worry about her rude hiney. And no matter what ugly things she says or does when you get engaged, don't let it steal your happiness.

**lizzardb63** · 07-08-2011 10:10 AM

Thanks BD!!

**lizzardb63** · 07-11-2011 01:34 PM

So, I guess it only took me a couple days to get over it. LOL...I am not feeling the jealousy anymore. I will just plan my wedding and enjoy it when the time comes and be happy for his sister and her fiance.

**KMonte85** · 07-11-2011 02:47 PM

good for you liz! Sometimes it takes just a day or two to really realize you've got nothing to be upset about. Just getting over that initial "WTH!!" feeling can be a big relief for sure!

Now on to focusing on bigger and better things

**Beautiful Disaster** · 07-11-2011 05:50 PM

Hehe. Happens to the best of us. The good part is the ability to get over it so quickly and make a choice not to let it negatively affect another second of your precious time. You go girl.