Thread: My Father Jumped on me and my mom...

Originally Posted by collegegirl2010

I'm not saying our life isn't important. I feel people are saying me going to school isn't important. Like I should just throw that away because my father is abusive, when in the end I'll only feel like I lived up to the "retard" he supposedly thinks I am. It just bothers me how I can tell people how verbally abusive he is and they say "just ignore it." but when I say he's physically abusive, I need to get help and leave. In my opinion, the stuff he has said to me is a lot worse than what he has ever physically done to me. Yes, he has hit my a couple times, but I can count on one hand. He doesn't hit me as much as he says hurtful things to me.

People are saying school is less important than your safety, so if escaping sooner than later means having to forget about school for a while, then that's what you should do.

Who says you should ignore him when he is verbally abusive? No, that and the physical abuse combine to just make a very abusive environment in general, and that's why you should get out.

It's not even so much about what he has done to you in the past as what he could do to you in the future. He's a violent and misogynistic man, and the next time he gets frustrated and beats you, especially if your mother tries to intervene again, one of you could easily end up in the hospital this way. Furthermore, he doesn't even have to pick up a knife or a gun, but if an attack where to cause you to fall and hit your head hard enough, a hospital stay could easily make way for a funeral.

When I said that supporting yourself isn't as hard as you think, I said it from experience. Two weeks before my 21st birthday, I graduated with a BA that I financed without a penny of support from my parents or anybody else. I financed my education with scholarships, loans, and piddly little fast food jobs. I've been supporting myself since I was 18, and paying for everything but shelter since 16. You can do a LOT on very little if you are committed to it!
As far as taking out the loans, you don't get them from your college. You choose a creditor. So, my payments don't go to University of ThisState at ThisLocation, they go to Fannie Mae. They have very low interest in most cases, and can have payback terms ranging from 10 to 30 years after you stop going to school full-time. Regardless of WHERE you go full-time.
You might also look for scholarships. When you have more financial aid (from the government, scholarships, loans, etc) than your school costs, you get a payout of the remainder. You can use this for whatever you want - books, rent, cellphone bill, utilities - whatever!
If your school is already 100% taken care of, I don't see why you should have to stop going even if you move out. It seems you have a very easygoing and friendly personality, so I'm sure you could get a part-time job at a restaurant, hotel, retail store, or other customer service job.

At the end of the day, if you stay in your current home, it's because you've chosen to. If you "rely on a man" in the future, it's because you've chosen to. You're an adult now, and you can choose to better your station. Anything less is allowing life to happen to you.

Originally Posted by collegegirl2010

I get financial aid, so the government is paying for my schooling. I'm on my sister's cell phone plan. But I'm not saying I can't make it. Most college students I know have a job and transportation. I just feel it's unrealistic for me to think I can make it by myself (with no help from anyone)at the age 19, considering I don't have a career. And I'm at a community college first because I know I'm not the brightest kid, so I feel it'll get me on the right track starting there first plus it helps me to learn good study habits. At a university, right now, I'd be way behind.

If you keep believing that, you'll make it true. I'm telling you, you CAN be on your own, and put yourself through school. There are a handful on this forum who have done it, I have done it. I had no help, my mother jobless and my father deceased, no help from grandparents or any other family. I had no choice. I also went to a community college first, for financial reasons... and let me tell you that it's really not much different from a 4-year school. The "difficulty" level and workload depends on the teacher, just like at any University. The school's policies may be a bit more lenient, but that's about it. It's less about intelligence and more about self-discipline... if you can do well at community college, you can do well at a 4-year school.

Point being, do what you need to do. Just get out of your situation. If that means you have to go right to University so you can live on campus, and get a work-study or part-time job, do it. If you have to stop going to school for a little while and work to save some money, do it. You might have more loans than you planned on, but your school will probably assign you a financial adviser to help you figure out something that would be manageable. Don't assume that what you're doing now is your only option. Consider what everyone here is saying, think about what would be in your best interest. Yes, school is important, but nothing is more important than your safety and well-being. Is there a counselor at your school you can talk to?