terrified about the future

**Melephant** · 07-27-2011 12:27 PM

just about everybody is having this worry at the minute so i'm hoping someone will have some advice or tips or anything to help, as i'm really scared about what is going to happen with my family...

i'll try to keep this post as short as possible but i have a sneaky suspicion it'll be another long one -apologies in advance.

two years ago i moved from the isle of wight to South yorkshire, quitting my job, to live with my boyfriend. i only got that job on the island because i knew the people who were taking over the new management at a holiday park there, i have no qualifications, no GCSEs -nothing. My mother severely neglected us as children, never even bothering to enrol me in secondary school -hence the lack of 'skills'. Anyway, since moving here i have managed to get exactly two jobs -both bar work, both filling in for sick employees. the second one -as both jobs were cash-in-hand kinda deals- i didn't get paid for and having signed no contract etc, there was nothing i could've done to get the money i earned.
nobody else is looking for people to work for them, especially not someone with no experience etc so my bf and i have been living off his wages. i couldn't get help from the government as his pay is above the maximum allowance for Job Seekers, eventhough it was all going on bills, mortgage and paying off his hefty loans..
we've recently had a gorgeous baby girl, but she's ill and is having a major operation on monday in Leeds.. My bf has been on sick leave from work for the past maybe two months roughly so his next pay check (due tomorrow) will be half pay -around £750, for the month. £450 has to go on rent, then there's bills: water, gas, electric, phone bills x2.... our daughter will be in hospital for at least a week and only one of us can stay with her. that means my bf (C) will be driving back and forth everyday from Leeds to Doncaster, that adds to petrol costs. Leaving the petrol aside for a minute, all in all for the next month the three of us have around £10 a week to survive on, after bills. Bearing in mind, formula costs nearly £10, then there's nappies, wipes etc..

i'm still looking for jobs, nobody wants me. If C doesn't go back to work, his pay will stop completely -we will be getting nothing. If he does go back to work, both of us will be ready to crack as he has to drive all the way across yorkshire -south to north- for twelve hour shifts at a job where he is treated like dirt and is literally putting his life at risk -every day he spends at work he ALWAYS comes back with injuries: burns, sprains, bruises, cuts... then of course we'd still have to wait another month for his next pay cheque before we'd see any of the money he's earned.

we have no-one we can turn to for help -i have no income, he has immensely bad credit rating, he has a lovely but small family who have already helped us today, paying nearly £200 for his MOT. now that's another debt. the majority of my family are horrible and i'm no longer in coontact with them, most other -decent- family members are struggling too. the only people who WOULD help us are my grandparents.. my grandad has just had his THIRD heart attack and is suffering unexplained siezures around the clock so, on top of all that, after Grandad had his fourth stroke, she Nana is now saving money for his funeral...

We have absolutely no money, no way out, no hope.

My mother was in the same situation when we were growing up, except she was living off Tax-payers money.. we always had to dive on the floor whenever there were knocks at the door incase they were bailiffs, sometimes people would park outside our house and watch us all day so we'd have to keep the curtains shut, lights off, whisper all day and not even be allowed to cook incase we made any noise or any firelight shone through the curtains.. sometimes we were so poor we literally didn't eat for DAYS. All i can think now is 'what if this is the kind of life my daughter will have?'

i am absolutely terrified and on the edge of a breakdown because i'm so scared that she will grow up like i did and i have no idea what to do, i can't see a way out. most of all, C says he's not worried. he tells me to have faith in him, but as far as i'm concerned, it's not about faith, it's about logic.. HOW DO WE GET OUT OF THIS MESS?? he doesn't even want to talk about it but it's coming across like he's in a flipping dream world and doesn't want to face facts, which we have to..

Can someone please help? any different ideas or suggestions or anything??

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 07-27-2011 03:49 PM

You don't seem to know if he intends to go back to work? Surely, he can communicate that to you and surely he understands that he has a child now and whilst it is a horrible, using job from the sounds of it, maybe he can keep applying for another one, until he finds something better?

Are you obligated to live in the home that you are at, can you move closer to his job in something perhaps that is less weekly expenses?

I'm sorry that you had to go through that type of up-bringing but obviously your Mum couldn't afford to do anything more, including school.

Can you keep trying for part time work? Offer a week's trial for nothing for instance or more, to learn the skills?

**Melephant** · 07-29-2011 01:27 PM

It took us a long time to get this house and relatives of C's actually bought it for us, we're paying the mortgage through the rent. C doesn't have much qualifications either really, his job -when he's there- pays fantastically so a different job isn't so easy to find.. I know he doesn't want to go back and he communicates better than any man i've ever known (on most things, anyway), i don't want him to go back either cos i just worry about him.. his co-workers and bosses are horrible and it is a very demeaning job, to say the least. but we're in a tough situation...

On another note (and i honestly don't mean this to sound like i'm being arsey or anything), in England enrolling in secondary school is free and easy... she had no money but when she did it all went on cigarettes and little gadgety-things for herself.. i remember once eating moldy bread cos there was nothing else in the house -she used to get takeaways and stuff for herself, we just had to make do with whatever was left over... anyway, post isn't about that woman..

but thanks for replying, didn't think anyone would

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 07-29-2011 03:20 PM

Well "Mummy dearest" comes to mind there

No wonder you worry for your little one.

You are lucky then that you have a safety net, a home.. I know that you have to pay the rent in order for the mortgage to be paid, and so, you need a plan huh.

It's a catch 22, he can do that job all be it, he comes home with cuts and bruises and bad backs, at least for now, but yes, he has to get out of that job as it's not good for him mentally or physically..

You would be suprised how smart we all are when we know what it is that we don't want

Can you help, can you obtain a part time job somewhere where they do pay you, instead of using you? I am shocked that that happened to you, in England, what about training as a waitress, for nothing for a couple of weeks so you can use that in your resume?

And, start searching the papers for all jobs for him and send of his resumes, or drop them off to as many places as possible...

I don't know what else to suggest sweet.

**orchiddreams** · 08-26-2011 12:50 PM

Don't lose hope. Keep trying and while your bf has a job he should do whatever it takes for his baby. That means driving and going to work until there is something better available. Check the papers, and ask around if anyone knows of something, sometimes if you explain your situation someone might create an opening just for you even if it's temporary it can help.

Worrying will not get you anywhere, you have to take action. Is there an employment assistance in your country? A women's help center?