Thread: how to deal with inlaws????

Hi
please help me...mine was arranged marrige at that time i we were not known that our marriage was against my in-law's wish.Now me and my husband are in USA and my in-laws are in India they are blaming me for so many things which i didnot done.My fother in-law keep on critisising me and making false statements in front of others.Even my daughter in-law and brother in-law also doing the same.My mother in-law mentally not well before marriage they hide it from us and now to all our relatives my fother in-law telling that becoz of me she becoming mad.I was pregnent lost month (8th month) and fother in-law and bother in-law so much frustrated me which resulted high BP and Premetured baby and he born with low thyroid problem now my In-laws and my brother in-law are coming to see the baby how should i behave with them? my husband is a silent man and he don't want to take any one's support regarding this.Which hurting me alot as he is not protecting me from them.
Please advice me what i have to do

Originally Posted by Meena G

Hi
please help me...mine was arranged marrige at that time i we were not known that our marriage was against my in-law's wish.Now me and my husband are in USA and my in-laws are in India they are blaming me for so many things which i didnot done.My fother in-law keep on critisising me and making false statements in front of others.Even my daughter in-law and brother in-law also doing the same.My mother in-law mentally not well before marriage they hide it from us and now to all our relatives my fother in-law telling that becoz of me she becoming mad.I was pregnent lost month (8th month) and fother in-law and bother in-law so much frustrated me which resulted high BP and Premetured baby and he born with low thyroid problem now my In-laws and my brother in-law are coming to see the baby how should i behave with them? my husband is a silent man and he don't want to take any one's support regarding this.Which hurting me alot as he is not protecting me from them.
Please advice me what i have to do

Hello Meena
I Know some of the marriages in India are arranged but arent both sides of the family have to agree for the man and woman to get married before they actually do or the parents usually find a girl for the man to get married too? Im not sure how it really goes, but your husband should stand up for you because if he dont that gives the in laws more authority to tell you and do whatever they want to you. You need to talk to your husband about this and tell him how you feel.

I will be married for 2yrs Dec. 31st. I have been trying so hard to make our marriage work. The conflict is that my husband's sisters have to call him constantly all day long. And it's like he has to tell them everything that's going with his life and his household. I have 2 brothers and we do not talk 24hrs a day. He always make plans with them and comes to me later with it and expects me to want to go along with everything they want to do. AND I DON'T! I just want us to have our own life and be happy. I am tired of this situation. I am not use to this kind of situation. And when I confront him, he always say, Well it's always been just me and my sisters. Well, he is a grown man now and they are grown women with husbands, it's time for him to stand on his own 2 feet and handle his own life and marriage. His mother is always telling him things that she's heard about me, knowing that will cause arguments between us. We are married now and she should not be telling him things that are in the past. I am struggling to make it with him and it's about to get the best of me. Please someone help with some advice. Somebody!

meena, in this case you are making yourself vulnerable.
Let me give you an image...

imagine you are on a message board, and there are
a few people who only attack you. They have nothing
you need to read, so you stop reading, and as soon
as you see their nick, you scroll past.

You don't know what they have posted, because you
don't read their posts.

Treat your inlaws the same way. Ignore them. Shut
your ears to their voices. Evenutally they might
realise you are ignoring them.

And say nothing.
They don't exist.

NicoleG...
this is the standard game relatives play to PROVE
who is 'Important'. The sisters continue to prove
that they own and operate your husband.

Since he will always be owned and operated by them,
there is no sense in one person working at a marriage.

This marriage was doomed from the start.

I'm sure he won't notice if you leave him.

I would show them and you and your husband are united and they should respect that. It is your life and home that you and your husband invite them into. it is functional for you and your hubby. I fthey cannot repect the structure thaey should be at an arm's distance for a while until they can eventually accept/respect your marriage.

hello everyone
umm this is my first time but i have some problems, i know that they are not major but i would really like some advice. I am 19 years old and my boyfriend and i have been going out for a little over a year. i know you are all thinking girl your too young or something like that. but my boyfriends parents are really mean to me. they treat me like a nobody and hardly acknowledge me. They have uninvited me to a birthday. They consistently give me dirty looks. and i feel they do not treat my boyfriend very well. they do not apperciate him they way he should be. The other day the mother called me munipulative because i told my boyfriend that is phone number made me a bit uncomfortable. his number has 666 in it and it makes me uncomfortable because i always dial out the number, i don't have a cell phone. that hurt me so bad. the brother talks bad about me at the family functions and we always fight because of his family. I have tried with them but it has only gotten worse. They will not let him grow up, and blame me for actions that are part of growing up. I don't know what to do. i found this sight, i just need to vent. He is my best friend and i love him so much, he consistently tells me, he will never leave them, which i never want him to but i can not take the abuse. today is christmas eve. I had worked so hard on his gift and planned and thought it out perfectly and he was supposed to come over my house to spend christmas eve, we were gonna have dinner with my family and spend the day, having fun. but again his family is so selfish and are spending christmas day and eve 2hrs away were i can not even call him because his phone gets no reception. i was so upset, but i hate taking it out on him, its not his fault. he says that it will get better when we get married, but i don't think so. I always notice that the family has everyone of there kids togther on the holidays its like the husband or wife never get to see there side. i just don't know what to do, i love him but i can't stand by and have them hurt me like this. He tells me he is tore, i know he is, but i just don't know how to act. i have never had a family that never liked me. but they are a real challenge. The consistently cancel are plans with no care about us. i mean should i go through this, is it worth it? Will it get better? Do i confront them? i just don't know what to do? I would really appericate some input. Thanks so much!

Originally Posted by lost14

hello everyone
umm this is my first time but i have some problems, i know that they are not major but i would really like some advice. I am 19 years old and my boyfriend and i have been going out for a little over a year. i know you are all thinking girl your too young or something like that. but my boyfriends parents are really mean to me. they treat me like a nobody and hardly acknowledge me. They have uninvited me to a birthday. They consistently give me dirty looks.


You can pretty much see, from this first para that
they are going out of their way to be unpleasant.
If your boyfriend doesn't notice what is being
done to you by his family; do you think you
should trust your life to him?



and i feel they do not treat my boyfriend very well. they do not apperciate him they way he should be. The other day the mother called me munipulative because i told my boyfriend that is phone number made me a bit uncomfortable. his number has 666 in it and it makes me uncomfortable because i always dial out the number, i don't have a cell phone. that hurt me so bad. the brother talks bad about me at the family functions and we always fight because of his family.


So he's made his choice; his family over you


I have tried with them but it has only gotten worse. They will not let him grow up, and blame me for actions that are part of growing up. I don't know what to do. i found this sight, i just need to vent. He is my best friend and i love him so much, he consistently tells me, he will never leave them,

So this is your future, being treated as something
your boyfriend picked up in a sewer. Do you want
this?


which i never want him to but i can not take the abuse. today is christmas eve. I had worked so hard on his gift and planned and thought it out perfectly and he was supposed to come over my house to spend christmas eve, we were gonna have dinner with my family and spend the day, having fun. but again his family is so selfish and are spending christmas day and eve 2hrs away were i can not even call him because his phone gets no reception. i was so upset, but i hate taking it out on him, its not his fault.

HERE IS WHERE YOU ARE WRONG.

its not his fault.


He chose not to come to your house.
He decided to go to his parent's house.
He has made it clear to every eye who
reads your post that HIS FAMILY COMES
FIRST, TODAY AND TOMORROW, and if
he has time he'll waste it with you.

The slap in your face of him not standing up
to them on Xmas Eve is not something you
should excuse.

He has made his choice.


he says that it will get better when we get married, but i don't think so. I always notice that the family has everyone of there kids togther on the holidays its like the husband or wife never get to see there side. i just don't know what to do, i love him but i can't stand by and have them hurt me like this. He tells me he is tore,


He is not torn.
He is with them.
He is just telling you that to keep you around.
Since you put up with the bad treatement, and
no doubt every other girlfriend he have had wouldn't
it's a matter of convenience.

IT WILL NEVER GET BETTER ONCE YOU ARE MARRIED.
IT WILL GET WORSE.

His family will call him at all hours of the day and
night, and he will abandon you to be with them.

I can think of one woman who went into labour
while her husband was with his family, and of
course, she couldn't contact him.

A neighbor she scarcely knew took her to the
hospital and everyone assumed she had no
husband.

Hours later he sauntered in.

Is this what you want?
For this is what you will get.


i know he is, but i just don't know how to act. i have never had a family that never liked me. but they are a real challenge. The consistently cancel are plans with no care about us. i mean should i go through this, is it worth it? Will it get better? Do i confront them? i just don't know what to do? I would really appericate some input. Thanks so much!

End the relationship now.
Leave.

It will never get better.
If anything happens to any of his relatives...
it will be 'your fault' and he will abandon you
no matter where or when to be with them.