Thread: how to deal with inlaws????

Oh, by the way the previous response is a reply to this.....
imported_kaylar
Guest
Posts: n/a The Saint
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, I was a daughter in law, (who got custody of the relatives
on divorce) and am now a mother in law.

And let me tell you my side...

Before they were engaged; my son's sister and brother, cut him
off because they couldn't stand Her. Let me tell you about Her.

From the day Her came into my son's life she has completely
dominated him, and has custody of his brain.

His older brother was so angry....

Imagine, my son married a 1/2 french 1/2 Cameroonian girl and
they went to France where her parents were, but decided to
go to America...(my son lives in Florida) where they had met
at University.

My mother in law owned the house where the Middle son,
Dumbo was living, and the big son contacted Dumbo and
asked if it was alirght for he and his wife to come with
their furniture and things, for the last he'd seen of the house
it was fairly empty.

"Of course!" goes Dumbo.

Now the house, (I've stayed there) has a great master
bedroom with bathroom and lead to pool. Way down
the hall are two tiny rooms for like I don't know what
as they seem too small and badly appointed to be
for children...(I've seen better maid's rooms).

Big Son and wife assume they would be in Master
Bedroom and Dumbo take a small room.

What?

Her had moved in, (first as a tenant, paying rent
for the Master bedroom) and now was living rent
free as Dumbo's gal.

So they come all the way from France and guess
what? have no space for their furniture, are
expected to go into the tiny room, and all
the Big One could ask, "Why didn't you tell me?"

If Dumbo had told his brother that Her was now
ruling the house, they'd have made other plans.

Well, after that, Big One stopped speaking to
Dumbo.

When the Baby, went up from Jamaica, (we lived
in Jamaica) and wanted to see Dumbo, the Big
One, who hadn't spoken to him for a year, said
okay.

They went over there, but Dumbo and Her was
in the bedroom, and didn't come out for a while
and so Baby got up, just as Dumbo and Her were
emerging, and Left with Big One.

Baby and Big One ceased to speak to Dumbo
after that.

Then Dumbo decides to marry Her, and comes
to Jamaica for the wedding, in which I took
absolutely no part except came.

Big One and Baby did not come. Ignored the
whole thing.

Dumbo started emailing me, and I posted back,
but initiated nothing.

I could tell you from two thousand miles away
that Her had a ring on her finger, Dumbo has
one in the nose, so I was not going to be any
where in that diorama...

Then Her gets preggers, and his father, my
Ex, (known hereafter as The Titanic) goes
to the engagement party...(I didn't, I live
2k away)...and he starts to communicate
with me from that moment, after like twenty
years of silence.

His view is that we should play an active
role in the grandchild's life.

Oh.

I warn him, stay out of it, but he, oh no...
he gets deep into the situation.

The doctor's talk about C section, he contacts
me about it,and I tell him, 90% of all C sections
are unnecessary...
he replies that the doctor wants her to have a
C, he thinks it is because as far as the medical
scene is concerned, they are just two losers and
no one wants to waste time with them.

(We know a lot about baby birthing, cause I
was set on a home delivery, but that didn't
work out, but he was there from the beginning,
in the labour room, with me every single meeting
I had with the pre natal staff...etc. etc. and
we knew all about C section, Inducement etc.
and I had two absolutely natural births, not even
an aspirin...)

So the poor fool is trying to convince them that
a C section is not the first choice...and Her is
certain she is going to have a C section, and
Dumbo agrees with her.

The Titanic goes away, very upset, sends me
emails, and I'm telling him; "Stay out of it."

The birthday is set, and he is there at the
hospital, (I'm not) her mother is there, in charge
of the Earth, and of course, the C section goes
as planned, and the baby enters our lineage.

Now Her decides to breast feed.

I didn't breast feed, I was bottle, measure,
start food on spoon at 28 days, so that
there would be a seamless 'weaning'...
(at six months my daughter threw her bottle
out of the window, and drank from a cup and
ate out of the family pot, and fed herself,
etc. etc.)

All three of my children had a similar history,
fully weaned before their first birth day with
no crying for the bottle, etc.

Her decides to breast feed only.

The baby wakes up every hour on the hour
and cries for food.

Obviously Her is not producing enough milk
but the doctor tells them it's normal.

Child was three months old, waking up every
hour, crying for food, skinny as a rake,
The Titanic is going bananas demanding
I do something.

Me?

No.
I'm a completely hands off, need me call
me, mother in law.

Originally Posted by imported_sweetie11

Yes my husband is a big baby. Thats all he wants to do is cry to mommy when ever he gets a chance. I am just ignored most of the time. Since I have kids I can't just pick up and leave but just like you say use this as a stepping stone to get back on my feet then leave when I get the chance. Nothing is working anymore. I see the signs of a failing marriage right before my eyes and I try to work it out but my husband always blames me. Hes not willing to make a change. I don't think he even sees it needs changing. I will try not worry anymore......

I do not beleive that the advice given to you was encoureging.

Have you addressed this issue with your husband? Have you told him how you feel? A marriage is a partnership you cannot expect your Husband to automatically know how you are feeling... I do not believe that the way he is handing things are right... , but I am sure if you let him know how you feel he will make an efford to reslove your proplems.

You have married each other for a reason and I suggest that you sit and right the reasons down why you married your husband and try and work on the positive avenues in your marraige.