Thread: My mother-in-law

Chaya,
Are you Happy ? Really Happy ?

You are still a Newlywed and it seems the more you are Growing Up and Finding yourself, finding your Independence as a young Adult, that you are growing more Unhappy day by day.

I am wondering if maybe you and Hubby had the " White Knight Syndrome " when you decided to Marry ?
Meaning he " Rescued " you and You let him "Rescue" you and the Admiration and Protective feelings, the Security, the feelings of both of you, may have gotten carried away ?

I am sure there is Love and respect between you two, but is that enough for you two to go on as a couple ?

I, through reading many of your Posts, feel that you are not as well adjusted to each other as should be in a Life Long Relationship. That you did not/ do not know each other as well as you should.

You have two different backgrounds, not only with the Locality and Religions, but with the Family Environment and Raising.

Yourself being raised one way as a Buddhist and traditional parents and with Hubby being Christian and having different Traditions,.
Add Your "Tragedy " of what happened in Hawaii, your having to move to Cali with the Aunt.

Toss in his Police Officer Morals of "To Protect and To Serve ". And a Short " Engagement or Dating Time " Not getting to know each other well, have the Families meet and get to know each other.

Ask yourself, where this is going , can you be happy and work on this marriage Together ? As you Mature and he also, can you see yourself 5 years down the road... Together, maybe Adopt a child or Rescue one from a Foster Care type thing ?

Will Yours and His Parents ever become at least " Friends", ? Or Will You or he always have to Defend your marriage or Love for each other ? Will it last, will it be " Forever ", will it just become a Daily chore to keep each other and the families " Happy " ?

Chaya, it is time you sit down with Yourself. Think deep, Think Hard, do the " List " put in the Good and Bad, put in the " I Want's" put in the I Don't Wants."

Make it for 5 years from Now..

Buddhism is an Honorable " Faith ", one you have chosen to follow. It is No Less or No More Honorable than any Other Faith. You can adjust and Join his and your Faiths together., It is done around the World, Daily.

In both Faiths (yours and his ) they require to Understand and be Generous and Loving to each other. But to me the most Important thing is you Both have Faith in Each Other.

And it seems Un~Equal at this time. You are trying to Please him, His Family, Your Family and have Yet to Please yourself. To become Whole on your own, to become the Not Needed to Be Rescued Woman.


I so Wish you the Best. I am not Wise or Anything, but am here if you wish to chat. I have my Own Stories, But Really, I learned to be ME !!

I'm a bit " Strange " or Different, sometimes a bit Brash, outspoken and yes opinionated. Mostly because I have been Through ( like many others here on WH ) and we learn,on our own and from others, That We Deserve to be Happy. We do Not as People ( Women & Men & Kids Alike ) to be Unhappy.

We still love each other as much as ever but there is friction between us because of my MIL. We are going to have a weekend to ourselves, no one will know where we are so they can't disturb us.

We are going to a bed & breakfast in Idyllwild for the weekend. The bed & breakfast is in the mountains near the Yokoji Zen Center. He drove me to school today and will be picking me up so we can leave right after school. Sunday morning we're going to the Yokoji Zen Center for the Sunday morning meditation, dharma talk and lunch. I'm not trying to convert him to Buddhism but we both want him to understand more about my beliefs.

I want him to learn a little about Zen Buddhism before I tell him I want to build a sacred space for meditation in our house. We have a small den that is almost never used. It would be perfect for me to set up an alter. This alter would have a statue of Buddha, and objects that signify the four elements: Fire - a candle, Air - an incense burner, Water - a bowl of water, Earth - flowers. I hope he don't object because this means a lot to me.

I am Glad you are still in Love and hopefully this issue with your MIL will ease off to at least Tolerance and Respect of each other.

What a Great Idea to go together to one of your Religious Places, so he can Learn about what beliefs you have, Maybe the Next Weekend away you can go to one of His Christian functions or places of Worship.

Neither have to convert , but it will help to understand what guides the others Morals and Beliefs.

On the Shrine.

There should be no reason not to have one in your home. It doesn't have to be Extravagant , which is really not what Buddhists believe as Opulence and Waste is frowned upon. As long as you have the 4 needed "ingredients" for your Meditation and Worship to Your Higher Power.

It is no Different than Hubby having a Cross or picture of Jesus or Mother Mary in the home. Or a Christmas Tree with an Angel on top. It just signifies his Traditions and Faith to His Higher Power.

The Rarely used Den, seems a Great Place to put your Shine and to also portray any of his Religious Items, That way there will be a blend of Both Faiths.

Though try and make sure your Shrine has Buddha Facing East & try to have the 3 Tier, so it is not an Insult to Buddha by sitting on the floor or at a lower level.

There are very Simple Shrines that you can make with Little Cost. I particularly like the ones who have the " Seasonal " Shrines.

Here is a Pic of one who did theirs in the All Hallows Eve (Halloween Theme).




And of course there are the Traditional Simple ones you can do like this one. Which are the basics for Just starting out and you can Add to.



Either Way, they are Shines or Alter that you can Find your own Daily Reflection or Peace in. Worship or Just get ready for the day, or end the Night.


Some devote Christians that cannot go to Church Services, have also their own Alters or Shrines in their home. Some as simple as This one.




As you may learn as your marriage grows, You can Have his love and belief in you and you in him. The key is to Blend. Blend the two Humans from Different " Worlds " into one New kind of Human Love.