Thread: when is "im not sure if i want kids" not acceptable anymore?

I'm dealing with the same thing, and I'm 23 (24 next month) and he's 26 (27 in January) and we've been married for over a year and he keeps saying the same. I'm having problems convincing him to say yes. I do agree you should live your life a little more, and just give it time. If in 2 years he is still saying no, then have a serious talk.

Obviously, marriage is probably a while away, but I have to tell you a rule I've learned. You can only based relationship decisions on what you know now. He may change his mind or he may not. If that is a dealbreaker for you then you know it won't work longterm if he decides to *not* have the kiddos. At this point, you're young, you could just keep dating, and then have the discussion, but you are going to get more and more emotionally attached to this man, and one day you're going to wake up at the point where you have to decide if you might want to marry him. I don't think you want to get all the way to that point and not know if you all agree about something like having children.

I'm a firm believer that if you don't agree on Kids, Finances, and Religion/Spirituality, then eventually you will have issues. You have to separate yourself from the situation and weigh out how important these things are to you. It may not matter as much when you're 21, but when you decide you really want to settle down, you're going to have to know where you stand.

Good luck

I have 4 adult Kids, ages 36/31/25/21. Boy, Girl, Boy. Girl.
Not one of them have or want Kids at this time.

Oldest son is Sterile from Severe case of Chicken Pox at age 14. Oldest Daughters Hubby was Fixed at time of Marriage and if she gets Preggers , There's Trouble brewing in their Marriage for Sure .They are 9 years and going Strong , though he has 2 from previous marriage ( 16 & 20 ).

Youngest son, says No Way, at least none of his own until he can afford a wife and 2.5 kids and Not have to support or have them , just be able to afford them when or if ... But still wants None of his own, says if he chooses to marry he might possibly, date or have a wife that already has a (meaning 1) child over age 6 .
He abhors Screaming/ Crying, Spoiled uncontrolled Kids. Will even leave a restaurant or store if ones starts at it, or parents smack or yell at their kid.

Youngest Daughter also says No Way Not Now. Or even in near future, she wants her Career Settled and be able to also Afford kids and not have to Struggle to give them a Good Life. But Possibly may have or want one in her early 30's. So she is not to old or young to be able to raise to 18 and still have the Empty Nest Syndrome and have a Life of her own .

Me , "Done My Crime, Still Doing My Time "

Trust me It doesn't stop at 18 ..

Love all my kids and it's their Choice to have or not to have Kids. Grandma for me may be Never or very Later on. I'm ok with that .

One of the worst " Crimes of Life " is to have one Parent not want to be a Parent and all that it entails and for one Sex not to respect and protect that " Tragedy " from happening.

" Actual" Rape is an Exclusion to that.
Meaning that Where you are and What you are Choosing to do or be subjected to.

If you are Drunk and partying then and grinding or dancing on a person trying to sexually arouse them or yourself .
It is not in my Book an (Actual Rape) even if you say No, in the Middle of getting Jiggy with him/ her and you have or are not on some sort of Birth Control or Self Control. You do have some Responsibility.

Birth Control and Behavior Control can Prevent unwanted kids. Never Force someone to " Love or Want or even be Responsible for a Child " !!!

It doesn't work ,doesn't for the Parents and doesn't for the Child.
Finding someone that wants to have kids, Raise a Family, share and give into a Family. Is part of Loving.

If you want kids and he is not Sure .. Just let him know .
In 5 years I want a Child of my own Body. Do you think we can plan for this ?

He will have a

1) Yes we can plan, lets stick to the schedule and work on it together ( add year as
2017 )

2) No, it's not in my plans, but yeah just to shut you up. OK

3) 5 plus 18 = 23 years more with You ????


Now look at you and yourself 5 years from now.

1) He didn't want this child. left and is now with another that has a child.
2) We are only together because of this Child
3) This is the happiest child, as we both Love ( him/her) and the best Choice we ever made .
4) I wish I had thought 5 years ago about my Choices .

You are young, and while people can change, but be prepared if they don't.
My husband and I met nine years ago. One of the things I told him on our first date was that I didn't want children, and he said it was funny, because he didn't either. We are married now, and still...don't want children.

I think it is mature on his part to say that he isn't in the right place to determine when in his life he will be able to support another person like a child, if he isn't currently.

When I first started dating my ex he said he didn't want kids (I was 19-almost 20 and he was 19 at the time) so I thought "ahhh, we're young, that could change"...well 4 years later and I am 24 he is 23...he still doesn't want kids and I am at the point where it's like "hey seriously what do you want in life" and he came out and said "No kids and no marriage"...I hit the road. It was the best decision I ever made because I was able to find someone who wants to get married and start a family and takes into consideration what I want and wants to share it with me. I cannot say "I wish I didn't waste those 4 years" because I did learn from it, but I wish I would have been wiser and realized that usually on subjects like that people say what they mean and you can't change someone. Don't wait and hope that he will "Change" because most people dont just change. and don't think anything you will do or say will make him change either. Its been proven over and over, you can't change someone.