Thread: What to do?

Seriously, I could use some help on this. We haven't had to deal with this before. If it were drugs, smoking or alcohol we would have an idea as to what to do. I really don't know where this has come from. We are both attentive and loving, plus what my wife and I do in the bedroom has always stayed there. She hasent been abused or anything. If she were older I'm not so sure it would upset us as much. Just at a loss.

This is fairly common behavior. It probably doesn't have anything to do with how loving or attentive you were. I have not been through this as a parent, but I suggest you take away her cell phone privileges (or purchase her a very simple and cheap phone without a camera or texting privileges) until she proves she can be trusted to use them correctly. Photos of her in her underwear could be considered child porn, and she needs to understand that! There are serious consequences to this reckless behavior, no matter how common it is with the current technology.

You should address with her why she feels she needs to get a boy's attention in this way. Especially one who is not attached to her in any way - instead being attached to someone who is supposed to be her best friend. If she feels it isn't a big deal, remind her about it being child porn, as well as the possibility that this photo could go ANYWHERE after it leaves her phone.

Best wishes; this is a hard topic.

EDIT: Just adding that my origin of expertise is that I was a teenager when picture messaging and camera phones became popular.

I agree with Little on this.. I would also recommend going through her Computer if she has one. She needs to earn your trust again and realize the Dangers out there.

On the Comp ( if one ) you can Download something like KidWatch which is $50 well spent.

Parental Control Software

KidsWatch Family Protection Suite is your fastest and easiest solution to safeguard your children's Internet experience and maximize the efficiency of the time they spend on the computer.


Parents can set computer usage time limits, by child; ensuring homework is a priority over:

Internet Chatting and Online Gaming
Social networking sites such as YouTube, facebook, adult sites and more

With the knowledge and confidence that KidsWatch is protecting their children from the dangers of the Internet by…

Blocking access to dangerous and inappropriate web sites.
Alerting the parent immediately when a child steps outside the boundaries of safe surfing. KidsWatch™ will automatically send you e-mail alerts when your child enters or receives a suspect phrase or keyword from any chat conversation. You are alerted to inappropriate conversations, risky situations, child predators, conversations containing sex, suicide, drugs, guns and more.
Monitoring and reporting on chat activity

KidsWatch™ is much more than the best-rated Parental Controls solution. It is loaded and preloaded with many optional benefits and features that improve the security and the quality of the Internet your children see. Installing KidsWatch™ on your computer is customizing the Internet, by child, the way you want your kids to experience and use it.


Also ..
Most of the Cell phone carriers, AT&T, Verizon, T Mobil, Sprint, also have Parental Controls, usually around $5 a month extra.

Parental controls for cell phones fall into three distinct categories:

Content filters
These allow parents to set filters for what multimedia content their children can download to their phones. While content filters are more important for smartphones with full web access and video download capability, most cell phones now have some kind of browser. However, parents should be aware that content filters are not foolproof and inappropriate content can also be received via text, IM or e-mail.

Usage controls
Usage controls put the parent in charge of a child’s cell phone usage, regulating the number of calls and text messages. They can also block certain numbers or restrict outgoing calls to a pre-approved list, and even disable the phone during certain times of day, like school hours or after 9 pm.

Location and monitoring controls
These can be used to monitor a child’s whereabouts through built-in GPS systems. Some systems can even send alerts when a child’s cell phone moves out of a pre-agreed zone or range.

Thank you for the input ladies. Cell phones weren't an issues with my 2 oldest, as the weren't that affordable when they were this age, and I grew up when there were no cell phones. I think I was like 16 when we got our first cordless. My wife was thinking of notifing the school, but was afraid of legal consequences. We also thought of taking her to a clinic and have them explain STD's to her as they don't cover those in school any more. So different from when I was a kid. Just don't know why she feels the need to do this. We have taken the phone away and will probably do so with the computer as well. We have given more to her, not just in things but of ourselves as well, than we did to her siblings. Not out of favoritism though it seems that way. This weekend is going to be hard.

Oh Ska ,

Please don't take them all away from her, she will probably rebel even more and in the Long Run, you will have more trouble than you can Imagine ..

You should Limit her use. have her Earn them and the Time on them back.
Sit her down and have a Calm, Family Talk. in a PARENT Voice .

Explain this is Consequences, Not Punishment. This is the same as if you do this, this will or May happen. You can use School issues, If you do Not Study and follow procedure, you will Fail the class, or get Suspended ( Behavior things ) , You get in a fight, you are Suspended.

This is what I found , these are the Rules, list what is acceptable behavior for her or anyone in your care, what is Not Acceptable.

Go over the Dangers, With her, don't just Tell her . Get the Computer ( after doing so yourself with wife to set proper non Porn sites to share with her )

And sit with her, have her Search in Google or bing or whichever you use.
" Teen Abductions, Teen Rape, Teens and Predators. What is Child Porn, what can Happen to you if " fill in Blank ".

Doing this will show her, You are Concerned, You Love her, you are Protecting her . Ask her to read , talk, explain how she see's it .

But letting her Read for her own, this is what Can happen .. And it's not Just you and Mom, that are saying what has happened or Can.

She will then be able to focus on the Point, not just the Parents saying NO.
It may help her make reasonable semi Adult Decisions for herself and also learn responsibility, following rules, which we all have to do.

I'm sure you will get the " Invading My Privacy " attitude and concern .

There is a Simple answer to that. " I should never have to even think about trusting your Decisions again, or Should I " ?

And the very " Legally Responsible " Reply is , I ( we ) are Responsible for You until you turn of legal age, therefore we will do what we feel best and to not endanger your life, while in our Custody, as deemed by Law".

You can say "After legal age you may be Responsible for yourself, though when in our home, You will Still Follow the Rules for Yours and Our Protection and Contentment as a Family .

I sometimes wonder how I have an almost 25 year old son and a 21 year old Daughter, Both Virgins, Real and True Virgins and still living at home with me , One employed over 4 years , same and Only Job, other studying for her Graphic Arts and communication degree ?

I think it was the "Teachings " that were deep seeded from my Gram, meaning the subtle and not so subtle one,s like grounding and earning privileges and also the Realizing that She was Right ( in the Long Run ) lol



I would Not call or Contact the School, Her Best Friend, Her Best Friends Boyfriend... just yet.

I would however take her Phone, Text all of her Friends, Notify them .it is Now in Your " Possession " and ask them if it is ok to Contact their Parents with the Photo's and Conversations that are on your Daughters phone ?

I will bet, that you get no replies back that say Yes .. Go ahead..

Expect your Daughter to hate you for a Bit. but.. she will Love you Later, for the Care and Love you have now to help her make Wise Choices.