Mixed Signals w/ Mother-Wedding Dress Shopping

**lizzardb63** · 11-01-2011 09:36 AM

I just need your opinions.

I am going dress shopping for my wedding gown on Saturday Nov 12th and obviously made first arrangements with my mom, because I wouldn't go without her. Plans are all set and appointments are made so I sent a message to all my bridemaids via facebook that I am going on such and such day, you're more than welcome to join, if you can't it's not a big deal, etc.

My mom and I e-mail a few times a week and so I e-mailed her yesterday and said "I invited my bridesmaids to either come with or meet us for dress shopping that Saturday, hope you don't mind. I just wanted to put it out there if they wanted to come, if they didn't no biggie." She never replied to that, which I thought was weird.

I e-mailed her this morning and said "Never heard from you about my e-mail yesterday, what's up?" and she replied with "I will call you later. I just don't want to hang around little kids. Maybe I will let you shop with your friends and when you have it narrowed down I can come then."

I am confused by this because my youngest bridesmaid is 24 years old and I don't believe any of them would be bringing their children. What the heck do I do? I am really hurt and confused by this. I just wrote her an e-mail back saying that I can reschedule with my bridesmaids to go a seperate time when I get it narrowed down if she just wants it to be us. I am just so confused and hurt...what the heck?!

**KMonte85** · 11-01-2011 10:06 AM

Sounds like Mom was looking forward to some private mother-daughter time and is sulking now that she knows you invited your bridesmaids along. The "little kids" comment was most likely just a jab because she was upset.

It would have been nice if she had let you know upfront she just wanted it to be the two of you, but it is what it is! I think you did the right thing by letting her know you would reschedule with the girls if she wanted it to be just you two. Then talk to her on the phone and smooth it over. No harm, no foul

**lizzardb63** · 11-01-2011 12:36 PM

She wrote me another e-mail that said "You might as well stick to your original plan because it doesn't matter if I go or not."

Obviously it does because I asked her first! Ugh... sometimes I just don't get her. I shouldn't feel guilty about this because she was the first person I talked to about it, scheduled it around HER schedule...it's not like I didn't invite her at all!

**KMonte85** · 11-01-2011 02:14 PM

Is your mother the passive aggressive type? Because this response from her has "pouty" written allllllll over it.

Don't feel guilty. You were completely within reason, and even tried to change things to her liking. And she's right, you don't need her there.

**lizzardb63** · 11-01-2011 02:16 PM

Right, I don't NEED her there...but it's still important to me that she is. I don't know. I am calling her tonight so we will see how well it goes over. She is very much the passive aggresive type.

**KMonte85** · 11-01-2011 02:23 PM

Well hopefully a phonecall will help smooth over the attitude you're getting. Sometimes P-A people are a lot more bold via email than they are on the phone or in person. You know your mom best and how she will react if you call her and talk to her. I hope it works out for you and she does decide to come with you. Having Mom there for wedding dress shopping is kind of a "tradition" for many women, so I can see why you'd like her to be there.

But if she doesn't come around, please don't let it ruin your day! Trying on dresses is one of the MOST FUN parts of wedding planning! (at least it is for me) And you will have some of your best friends there to cheer you on, it can be a phenomenal day, with or without her, if you let it be!