Dad's girlfriend is the devil...

**AshB$** · 12-01-2011 09:59 PM

Sounds like the typical story, huh.

Well...First of all I don't know where to begin. I don't know what to write... I just want to scream into my pillow nonstop til I die. I seriously can't go on living in this hole.

Just so you know:
Dad and her got together like like 9 years ago. She was like 19 and he was 31. :| Ummm. Growing up, she treating me, my brother, and sister like . Made us clean EVERYTHING. While her two boys sat their and ed and made messes.
Constant insults.
She's cheated on my dad more than 5 times (that I can count)..
We've moved out before because of their fighting....only to move back in two years later (Still currently there) >:/
There is constant yelling in this house..... I can't stand it... To tell you the truth, I've wanted to take a whole bottle of pills! I can't stand it!!!!!
She leaves stupid signs all over the house... here's some examples:
"KEEP THE DOOR SHUT!"
"DO THE DISHES"
THESE CHORES BETTER BE DONE BEFORE I GET HOME:
----loooooong list------
CLEAN THIS ING BATHROOM OR I'M THROWING ALL YOUR AWAY (I had mouthwash and mascara on the counter).
NEXT TIME YOU LET THE CAT IN YOUR ROOM I'LL CUT IT'S ING HEAD OFF

Things like that. She used to give us hugeeee lectures about keeping HER house clean. I remember she was yelling at me and my brother while we were raking leaves last year, and when she walked about she kicked one of the cats across the drive way.

She's a ....... Like 1/3 of the time, she'll be ok.... But honestly, I want to ing stab her... And I'm not the type of person to feel that way.

After all this, I don't understand why the my dead is still with her.... That's the reason my brother ran away. We're poor, I know my dad can't afford to get an apartment, but honestly I'd rather be living on the streets.
Recently he knocked her up and they had a baby boy...He's 5 months now and I adore him with all my heart............but that's just another tie to her. I feel bad he has her as a mother. Gross.
I want to leave. I really do want to die.

I don't think I can say I believe and trust in God anymore. Tonight I realized all that faith is gone. It's not that I don't want to believe.....I just can't.
No one has to reply to this. I feel like I needed to vent because I'm so tempted to slit my wrists.

Here goes another night of me crying myself to sleep. This isn't even half of it.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 12-02-2011 02:21 AM

Ash, ...

She was 19, has two kids, before Dad? So, like was really young when she had her first.

Then she is demanding, controlling, don't you wonder what her Mother was like to her?

Then Dad accepts it, her over his kids, because he needs "someone".

This is not you sweetheart, this is her life, what ever she went through, she is just living.

And, Dad, he feels what? He doesn't deserve better?

Have you sat down and talked to your Father, she's 27 now, he's what 40, keep assuring him he is worth something and you love him...

How old are you now hun?

She rules, so you have to find your life outside of this.

Vent away

x

**AshB$** · 12-02-2011 10:07 PM

Yeah, she had her first kid at 14.... Crazy huh..
I know my dad most of the time can't stand her...So I don't know.
I'll be 17 in January. I can't wait til I'm able to move away. I don't know if I can live like this much longer. I'd rather be dead.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 12-03-2011 03:48 AM

Ash don't talk carp, geez you are a youngy

He to me, has not much self worth not sure what happened before her, like with your Mother?

What I do know is you have a life ahead of you, you didn't get pregnant at 14, 15, 16 or 17 she taught you something whether you realise that or not

Hang in there kiddo not long before you can breathe and be you x

**Darling** · 12-03-2011 06:21 AM

Venting is the best way of handling this situation. Please don't keep it built up inside. Right now it seems like you have no control but you have control of yourself and that's what counts. The next year will go by and just knowing you can leave will change everything. you can do it, be strong show love to the ones you love and this time in your life will pass and all will be different

**caterpillar79** · 12-03-2011 11:17 AM

How are you today, Ash? I hope you're feeling okay.

I didn't experience having a step-parent but I sure experienced hard labor in the hands of Aunts and cousins when I was living with them. It is not fun, but those things honed me to be me right now.

I feel your pain and I know, it's very difficult, especially in your situation, you do not have an "out" just yet. Don't give up on life. Vent away. In fact, you can start writing about it in the BLOG section. You can treat it as your journal, set it where we all can read or select preferred viewers or even set it on private (just for your own eyes). If you need a response ASAP, wanting to cry for "HELP", send a private message to any of the mods here, okay.

Hang in there, babe, you'll make it through. Finish school and get that job, then, you'll be set to find your destiny. The only one you can help is yourself. Your dad and his wife need to sort their own.

**BabyGirl** · 12-03-2011 02:15 PM

Originally Posted by AshB$

Yeah, she had her first kid at 14.... Crazy huh..
I know my dad most of the time can't stand her...So I don't know.
I'll be 17 in January. I can't wait til I'm able to move away. I don't know if I can live like this much longer. I'd rather be dead.

Welcome to our Forum.

You are only 3 years older than when your Step Mom had her first child that she was Responsible for ..

Can you Imagine what she went through, being a " Mom " at 15 . having a baby and being Responsible for it. Maybe making the same " Mistake " more than once . Having another Child ?

Finding a guy like your Dad, that seems to care about her & You & Brother and now the New one.

Can be sooo very Stressful. To someone just starting out in their ( Almost ) Adult life.

* Notes are Reminders , Reminders teach " Habits " She was probably taught Extreme Habits, possibly an OCD Where Nothing can be " not " in it's Proper Place ..

So at almost Legal age to get out and Be on your Own.. Can you say that ..

All children that eat must be able to pick up a " spoon, fork, chopsticks or have the hands to eat it " this includes those that cannot feed themselves.

Can you say that you can stay long enough to make sure that your Dad and baby half Brother is ok ?

Are you in High School or College ?

If not, are you working and helping to support the family .

If you have no $$$$, it is a respect to help catch up and continue the flow of a peaceful Home.

But some are Fanatic, Get in the habit , Use your makeup, put it back. Put the cap back on tooth paste, use a new toothbrush every few months,

It is a Habit or " Teachings of/ for life " and it can be or seem very hard. You are 1 year from saying " I don't Give frick " You are one Minute from taking the way out that most of us call Chicken shyt.

So Why not just teach yourself and all others . That you Can go thru this, You Can become a Strong Woman.

That maybe you will allow someone to Not have a Perfect Home, that they can leave some make up or tooth brush on a counter, or a Dish in the sink.

You .. Right now are being " Raised or Taught " things that we were Taught in my day...but I tend to go either extremes. It's you home, Slob or Mob ..

You have 1 year to graduate, be on your own, Move away and be Independent.. Of the home you are in Now..

**LonelyWife** · 12-03-2011 05:49 PM

I can totally understand your situation. In my case the "devil" was my adopted father. I have vivid memories of very public lectures, extreme rules that were impossible to follow, cursing, threats and violence towards my pets, and being made to feel inferior every ssecond of every day. Living in a house with a miserable person who's main goal in life seems to be your misery is really hard.
But it gets better. Your almost there. Soon you will be able to have your own place and do things your way. Hang in there. *hug*

**Lady In Red** · 12-03-2011 05:51 PM

Oh how I remember that age, I too had a step father! You know it's ok to scream into you pillow!! I remember how sad and desperate I felt at times. I found hanging with my friends to help a lot, Going to school gave me 8 hours away from home, and then I found a job working eve and weekends. Then I had even less time at home and was making MY OWN money,or valunteer somewhere,Help coach softball,basketball,or a shelter. The better you feel about yourself the better things seem. As hard as it is there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Hang in there. Blogging would be a great way to keep thoughts from consuming your mind. Honey we really care and are always here to listen. You have a bright furture and you can be anything you want.

**Little** · 12-04-2011 04:52 PM

NEXT TIME YOU LET THE CAT IN YOUR ROOM I'LL CUT IT'S ING HEAD OFF

This is the part that alarmed me the most. I assume this is an empty threat, considering the worst you said she'd done is kick the cat. But the kind of exaggerated violence she's threatening here is enough to turn my stomach, and file your whole situation under "ABUSE." Rules and rules and chores are chores, no matter how the pie is divided up between you and any siblings or step-siblings. But when she insults you, screams at you all the time, and makes you feel like you want to kill yourself, something is wrong.
So she had a difficult life? So what? She knowingly became parent to her children, and knowingly became a surrogate parent to you when she and your father moved in together. She is an adult, and it's up to HER to own it, not bestow her insecurities and shortcomings on you.
I suggest you contact your school's guidance counselor. I do NOT suggest telling him/her that you feel like you might kill yourself - if you do, s/he will have to tell your father. But let him/her know what is going on at home and that you feel terribly desperate because of it. S/he should present some solutions, maybe including getting emancipated.
Good luck. Nobody should have to live in an abusive home.