crazy mother

**brunettebabe** · 01-01-2012 02:30 PM

My mom constantly nags me and constantly complains about the things I do. She can't be happy or content about anything that I do or about anything that goes on in my life. She is negative and puts me down. Last time she came to visit she complained about how I put up the Christmas decorations, about the dress that I wore, about how I was too fat ( I weigh 130 lbs ), and about my hair ( My hair is a little thin in the back so she constantly complains about how it looks bad and tries to restyle it ). She had bought me some blinds and when we were trying to hang them up she was yelling complaining, and arguing so I told her she needed to leave and that my husband and I would finish the job. She didn't trust us to do it. She thought we would procratinate and not get it done right away. The other day when we were talking on the phone she was complaining about how I clean my house. She doesn't do any of this to my older sister because she lives all the way in California, because she thinks she is smarter and better equipped to make good decisions, and because she thinks she is more responsible. How would you deal with this?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 01-01-2012 02:43 PM

Is there a large age gap between you and your sister?

You are the youngest one right?

Give us a run down briefly on her life, and where she is at, verses your life

Might help further in the answer.

Also how you got on with your Mother as a child. If that's ok

**brunettebabe** · 01-01-2012 03:41 PM

I am 27 and my sister is 30. She has a really good job at some kind of design company. I am unemployed. My husband and I are struggling financially. She has a really good education from a top university. I just have a high school degree. I have always been really close to my mom through out my life.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 01-01-2012 03:48 PM

What are you doing in your life to try to better it? In other words, what are you doing to try to get a job? Get financially stable? What are your goals for your future and how do you intend to achieve them? Are you depending upon her in any way? When a parent sees their child (adult or not) struggling but not pulling their own head out of the fire (not saying this is what you're doing) then it's very common for them to go back into PARENT mode which includes: worrying about everything, nagging about things, being critical at times.

There is no excuse for her criticizing your appearance. That is unacceptable and she needs to be told that.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 01-01-2012 04:50 PM

I know it's tough when one gets something the other one doesn't.. I have an older brother, 2 years and I got his left overs, whilst he got new things for a while, it was called survival...

But, your Mother, if you always got along well with her, is besides herself with worry. She is taking that worry out on you. She brought you the blinds, to help out but is angry at the situation you both have gotten yourself into..

Education doesn't exactly make the man.. Sure, it may get you higher paid jobs but it doesn't make you.. I'm self employed I only completed High School what ever I earn in reality is completely now up to me...

Your Mother wants you to make a stand in this world and be happy... I don't know if your husband is also out of work, but you both need to look at 2012 as a fresh start and take what ever jobs there are, and get out there and make something of your lives....

No, I agree with BD, you don't put someone down but you need to see that she is worried, concerned and can't provide for you...

She's not crazy... she's a Mother.

**brunettebabe** · 01-01-2012 06:06 PM

my husband is a heating and air technician. his dad owns the business. i have been trying as best as i can to find work, but its been real hard due to the economy and plus i haven't been looking in the last few months because i don't have my car. my husband uses it everyday to go to his heating and air job because his truck broke down. he and his dad are in the process of trying to fix it. i am not going to work if i don't have a car because i don't want to have to walk on the side of a busy road in order to get there. i will resume my job hunt as soon as i get my car back.

**acerousme** · 01-10-2012 02:38 PM

Hello BB,

Okay...i must admit, i giggled a bit when I read your initial post about your mom. My birth mother sounds JUST LIKE THAT! and how did I deal?...this is going to sound horrible, but i gave it back to her. One day i couldnt take the hate vibes anymore, so I asked her if she could kindly remove the stick up her bottom before conversing with me. She of course got offended, and then i followed with

"I feel ________ because _________." If she tries to talk and defend herself, ask her politely and in your calmest voice to just listen until you are done.

I think they do it because they love us SO much, that their frustrations get in the way of the loving words. For instance, your mom is saying "well that doesnt look clean", she more than likely means "Im worried about you, honey. You dont seem to be yourself lately"...in her MIND shes going "Oh my kid seems so upset lately. I wonder if there are marriage issues, or health issues...what if what if what if". She could be going through a bit of an empty nest sort of thing. her kids are all grown up, and she no longer feels like she is needed.

Just stay calm and ask her why she has to be so negative towards you. What is the worst that could happen?

P.S- If you need someone to vent to, PM me...ive been in your shoes, and i know that sometimes, you just need a stranger to listen

**NOTE FOR CW**....I said MOM...YOU are my mum...HUGE difference xx

**lizzardb63** · 01-10-2012 03:14 PM

It sounds like she is just worried about you. Motherly instincts are kicking in. Have a serious talk with her about how her words are affecting you. She might open up and express why she's been so negative and naggy lately.

**Little** · 01-10-2012 05:48 PM

Considering you had a close (and I assume healthy) relationship with her in your childhood, I can only assume that something is going on with her. It may not even be something very big, considering the spin previous posters have put on it earlier concerning her trying to express her concern for you.

But she is definitely crossing boundaries. There is no shame in telling her so. It seems you need to let her know how her statements are making you feel (with the "I" statements that Acerousme suggested) and ask that she find another, less hurtful, way to express her concern.

**orchiddreams** · 01-10-2012 06:15 PM

I don't know sometimes people need to know where there boundaries end. She's in your home, your a grown woman with a husband and she can relax the reigns. I think you should talk to her about it, or in a joking way go through similar motions in her home and when she gets her knickers in a bunch you can tell her your only joking- followed by the reason for your joke. It might relax things a bit and remove the serious talk tension.