Thread: Mom is really annoying me....please help?!

Originally Posted by jns

Public impression is still very important to your mother's generation and to traditional Indian society. It sounds like you have a good mother. Does she have any objections to him as a person? Is a stronger relationship possible?

Actually, the answer to your question is Yes and No. As in, she says that she'd be against going to a restaurant and stuff with ANY GUY, i.e., any guy that is just a "friend" and not somebody I'm committed to, i.e., boyfriend.
I tried to talk to her again after that, and she said that I can meet the guy and chat with him, but NOT ENTER ANY RESTAURANTS, COFFEE SHOPS or stuff (like I always do when I meet him, since we live away from each other). Sounds retarded, but acc to her, it looks more inappropriate to be "sitting" somewhere with a guy. Now what would you say to this?

As for the kind of person he is, she says she's not much concerned with it, because she's certain that I wouldn't go around with him as he's a flirty sorta guy. As far as I could gather, its mostly about "public impression". Ridiculous, since nobody cares about such things in today's urban society, but I can't seem to get that across to her.

Perhaps she thinks you might be unintentionally ruining your chances with someone else since you may be perceived to be his girlfriend. Not sure where you stand on dating. I think you may also be enjoying the kind of attention he is giving you without the commitment or other things that come with a relationship.

I can understand your mother's point of view. Another possibility for your mother's opposition to your friendship is that she doesn't approve of him if the relationship escalated to another level. I wonder what her feelings would be if the guy was an ideal suitor?

If niether is the case then don't let it get you down. Sometimes you have to challenge people who come from a different social norm to accept or at the very least understand and not judge or stigmatize your behavior.

Orchiddreams: What you suggest might be the truth. She's let out stuff like "..not that he's a good guy to begin with" on more than one occasion when we were having these arguments. She says this since, like I said, he's a flirty kinda guy. When I enquire my mom on whether she'd be alright with my going around with a "good guy", a "suitor" like you said, she responds with, "let's see such a guy come along in your life first".

What do you deduce from that?

Since you say your relationship with him is Friendly only, Maybe you can tell your mom, he's more like a Brother or Cousin and you feel safer going places with him.

Also that you may meet someone she approves of ( and you approve of also) by meeting new people and going places that have groups of people, easier than sitting home or waiting for Mr. Right to knock on your door selling Subscriptions.. lol

Of Course let her know you have heeded her instilled values and teachings and you trust yourself to make safe and good decisions and she should trust in that fact too.

LOL BabyGirl, he ain't like my brother LOL. Besides, not that she minds my being friends with him...it's more of "what peeps will think".

I think we can conclude that your mother isn't even acknowledging him to be in the realm of "suitor" haha. I don't know, I think family can have these ideals that are very draining. Some heed their advice- end up happy and in the ideal marriage (on the surface anyway) others listen and end up getting screwed and resenting the family.

My advice do what makes you happy. They'll come around eventually. Just keep chipping away.