to send parents invitation or not...

**asiangrace** · 02-05-2012 08:43 AM

I've posted on here before regarding my estranged relationship with my parents. Nothing has changed, except it has gotten worse. About a month ago, my 27 year old brother had a heart-attack. My parents did not feel the need to notify me of this significant news, however, they did tell everyone else. I found out on Facebook two days later.

They have really reached a new low in my mind. I know we're not on good terms, but good grief...when my 27 year old brother has a heart attack, I think that's worth sending AT LEAST a text - especially when I know they notified everyone else.

With that being said, there are some really good things going on in my life. I'm about to graduate in the Spring with high honors with my associates degree. I will be going to the University in the fall pursuing a BA in Psychology and then a Masters in counselig. I'm also getting married in about a year. My question is - do I send them invitations?

The last thing they told me in December 2010 was to, "do not contact us until you're ready to 'repent' for your lifestyle" (my life style they don't agree is is with me living with my fiance before marriage....and I put my college/education above going to church).

I'm not ready to apologize nor change my "terrible" lifestyle for them.

However, I feel the mature/right thing to do is mail them an invitation anyway. Even though we are estranged and don't see eye-to-eye on anything, I still love them. They're still the only parents I've ever known (I was adopted as a baby).

What would you do? In my head, I don't want to send them anything. but in my heart, I have a feeling I will regret it down the road.

**Claret** · 02-05-2012 10:23 AM

I think you can choose to go in two directions. In the one direction, you increase the animosity they feel by excluding them from a significant life event, and would maybe be a bit of a retaliation for them not telling you of your brother. The second road would be the high road. You could send them an invitation, inclose a short note, tell them you would really like to have them to your graduation, BUT be prepared in your head and heart for the rejection if it comes. You will then at least know in your own heart that you've made the attempt. You cannot do more. Go for it, and congratulations on your graduation.

**jns** · 02-05-2012 01:30 PM

In matters such as these, I would take the high road per Claret's description and invite them no matter what they said. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Prepared to be lectured if they come.

**acerousme** · 02-05-2012 05:26 PM

oo this is a tough one!!

I would go with the high road as well. Claret, and JNS are right. It will show them that you are an adult, and deal with things like an adult. Then not telling you about your brothers heart attack was SO very wrong on their part. Would I "repent" for your lifestyle? NO! Youre living your life the way you see fit. If they dont like it, they can continue to stay out of YOUR life (not the other way around). But send the invitation and a note about your graduation. That way you can at least say you tried.

**Seeker_Advice** · 02-06-2012 07:32 AM

Mail them an invitation...

Why?

Because it's the right thing to do. They are your parents.

And it takes the stress, strain, worry and ultimately regret of not doing so off of you.

You can't control the actions, opinions or responses of others. What you can do is control your own.

**Little** · 02-06-2012 11:08 AM

Don't mail them an invitation "just because they're your parents." Mail them one because, if you don't, you'll always wonder what might have happened if you had. If it were the other way around and you were shutting your parents out, I wouldn't recommend it, but since you would still like to have some kind of a relationship with them, as well as courtesy calls for important events in your family's life, I definitely recommend inviting them.