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Thread: Husband and Daughters don't get along

  1. #1
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    Default Husband and Daughters don't get along


    I am struggling with a similar situation to this thread: http://www.womens-health.com/boards/...get-along.html

    I/we've been to counseling and I've tried to talk to my husband and my girls with no good results so I hope talking to all of you will help, so here goes!! My husband and I got together when my oldest daughter was 4.(her dad commited suicide when she was 2) she has no contact with her bio father's family(their choice). And my younger daughter was 1. At first, their relationship was good although she never called him "dad" but I was ok with that. Btw my younger daughter has a father who is in our life. We get along fine and there is no issue there.

    That said, my oldest daughter is now 16 and younger is 12. My husband has always been the "fun" one, alaways taking them on adventures and doing things with them. I don't know if it's the age or what but things have changed...we have a 5 year old son now and I think that is part of it. He does treat him different. Like he can do no wrong. If the kids are fighting it's usually the girls' fault. And I've talked to him but it doesn't change. My oldest has no respect for him at all and not much for me. My relationship with her has went down hill and when the girls talk to me about things that bother them about my husband, I have to not say anything to him because in the past I have, then he confronts them and they get mad at me and quit trusting me.

    Anytime we go anywhere as a family we usually get in an argument about something and my husband does have a temper. Now the girls don't want to go anywhere anymore.

    My oldest daughter is on the lazy side, and there's been numerous times when my husband has called her worthless and the "stupidest person he knows". then after I would make him realize what he said he would try to take it back, but it's just made her hate him more. She has said that he will not walk her down the isle at her wedding,which breaks my heart.

    I don't know what to do. I don't want to tear my family apart. I feel like I'm constantly in the middle and like I have to prove to my girls that I don't condone what he does sometimes. But like I said, he doesn't get it when I try to talk to him.
    I love both my husband and my children very much. But I feel like my children come first and sometimes I feel guilty that they are not happy.
    I hope someone has some advice for me..Thank you
    Last edited by KMonte85; 09-27-2012 at 09:49 AM. Reason: moved to own thread, added reference to old thread

  2. #2
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    To be fair to your husband I found through experience that the eldest usually gets the blame for things; other than that, him making unkind remarks to an impressionable teenager is unacceptable in my opinion. What your husband also doesn't realize is that he will turn the girls against his son if he's not carful, creating a pretty toxic environment in the process.

    Since I have no children I can't say with any certainty that your husband should be able to love your two children as much as his own son, but preferential treatment is certainly unacceptable in my opinion.

    As it stands I would regretfully say that I think you are already in damage control as far as this situation goes, your 16 year old daughter is vulnerable and impressionable and should be your priority right now. I think the best you can hope for is for your husband and daughter to just tolerate and accept each other. Your 16 year old is now acutely aware she has no father of her own, that your husband is not her father, and that she is only only one out of the three without a 'real' dad. This is not easy, and in my opinion your husband should know better than to make vitriolic comments to her. I can't blame the guy for snapping from time to time, none of us are perfect after all, but I'd say at the moment she needs to be the one you focus on. If for no other reason that the two others are impressionable and don't need to see all of the drama going on when they argue. I would work on strengthening the bond between the two of you, without making your 12 year old feel excluded and explain your intentions and reasoning to your husband. If he chooses not to listen then you need to prioritize and continue the mission alone. If things get too much can the 12 year old start spending more time with her dad whilst you work on this?
    "The greatest enemy will hide in the last place you will ever look" Julius Caesar

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