Thread: His family hates me

I just want to give you some advice. i have been married for 2 years and have a 6 month old son. It has always been like that with my in-laws so I KNOW where you are coming from. I am going to tell you this but I am NOT saying to leave your boyfriend.

DO NOT get married until your boyfriend sees and understands you. I have almost gotten divorced twice because of S**T like that. What you need to is...Tell him we are going over there BUT if you leave me in the room by myself I will get up and leave your A$$ there and don't thinkI am kidding around....then go with your word...he leaves you alone leave him there. Then until you can get it through his head that you are serious and he starts staying with you instead of leaving you alone go to the next step...when they are rude to you be rude back...if you are going to be apart of that family treat them how they treat you...until they get it through their heads then just keep it up...I know it is hard to do those things but I still do it everyday that I see my in-laws. And yes...it does suck!! I get knots in my stomach just thinking about being around them. if you need anymore help just let me know!!!

Originally Posted by teejog

I just want to give you some advice. i have been married for 2 years and have a 6 month old son. It has always been like that with my in-laws so I KNOW where you are coming from. I am going to tell you this but I am NOT saying to leave your boyfriend.

DO NOT get married until your boyfriend sees and understands you. I have almost gotten divorced twice because of S**T like that. What you need to is...Tell him we are going over there BUT if you leave me in the room by myself I will get up and leave your A$$ there and don't thinkI am kidding around....then go with your word...he leaves you alone leave him there. Then until you can get it through his head that you are serious and he starts staying with you instead of leaving you alone go to the next step...when they are rude to you be rude back...if you are going to be apart of that family treat them how they treat you...until they get it through their heads then just keep it up...I know it is hard to do those things but I still do it everyday that I see my in-laws. And yes...it does suck!! I get knots in my stomach just thinking about being around them. if you need anymore help just let me know!!!

You are absolutely right.
There's comes a point when the 'silent sufferer'
style does not have application.

You can play the 'silent sufferer' when it is
yearly visits to the Boss's house, or to a
great grandmother. But not when it is a
in-law problem where these people figure
in your day to day life.

There are choices;

either you walk away for good, because it is
too much stress;

or

you do exactly as teejog; that is bring it
all out into the open. Give it word.

"Why are you ignoring me?"
"Excuse me? Are you insulting me?"
"Do you have to call my husband at 4 am
to tell him the cuckoo clock doesn't work?"

If it leads to a situation where he takes
'their' side, then you pack up and leave.
If he is forced to your side, then fine.

Ladies, thank you for replying I never got any notice that anyone responded.I must of did something wrong I apologize and thank you for your feedback, I read everyone's post. Let me give you an update since then. I bought a house in my name we moved in. We invited his family over and as a way to clear the air. I kept telling myself that I was never raised to hold a grudge and to let things go. Just ignore any rude comments etc. Anyways so they came and then I found out he has been doing stuff behind my back for 4 years, he had been telling me he was at work when in fact he wasnt. I thought to myself before how can this guy work 6 days a week and always just making it. Turned out he had been going to parties hanging out with other family members etc.. And of course his family was like oh I thought you knew. Of course I acted ****** like I knew so they wouldnt think I didn't know. I was crushed. Once they left I kept to myself for a few days thinking it over, I didnt want to "over react" finally I confrunted him and he admitted to everything. At first I felt like gosh what am I doing to make him do these things behind my back, what is wrong with me that he couldn't just tell me. I had been a basket case since the end of Dec. Oh did I mention his brother brought some girl over but yet my man and her flirted in my face.
but yet she was suppose to be his brothers girl. He told me he is going to counseling today and what can he do to fix this. I told him I didnt want to marry him and that I wanted him out and he can go do whatever. Big mistake. he says he wont leave that this is his house too. He said he never cheated on me but the image is already stuck in my head. He told me he would upgrade my diamond ring. I told him that wasn't the point. He had been lying to me and doing heavens know what for 4 years and everyone knew but me. Ladies I dont knw what to do he wont leave I cant even look at him. I feel like he is just dirty now. Yesterday I threw away all my lingerie I figured it's all contaminated. I went and got back on the shot for birthcontrol. Im so confused

Originally Posted by Liloleme

I told him that wasn't the point. He had been lying to me and doing heavens know what for 4 years and everyone knew but me.

This would be what would worry me. The fact that he's been going behind your back all this time. I don't blame you at all for being upset over this.

Originally Posted by Liloleme

Ladies I don't know what to do he won't leave .....

You did say that it is your house didn't you?



I'm so sorry. No one should have to put up with this kind of treatment.

Originally Posted by Fallen1

This would be what would worry me. The fact that he's been going behind your back all this time. I don't blame you at all for being upset over this.




You did say that it is your house didn't you?
Yes the house is in my name. And when I went looking to buy my first house. I wanted to make sure I could afford it on my own im so glad I did that.


I'm so sorry. No one should have to put up with this kind of treatment.

Im so devestated I feel like ive been such a fool. The other day I saw his cellphone and wallet on the table and I thought to myself I wonder if I should check it. I had the opportunity to do so but then I told myself not to. I never have done it before and if I feel that I need to watch his every move then im going to drive myself crazy. Im not his babysitter, I feel I should trust whoever I am with. I looked at my engagement ring where it once was so beautiful and now I dont want to wear it. He told me he still wants me to wear it and that we are still going to get married.

I am sorry to say.. but, if there is discrimination within his family towards you now.. What about when you have a child? You know the saying - you marry the man you also marry the family.. I would end the relationship and find someone else. I think it would be sad for you and for your future children to be in a racist atmosphere within the family unit. You deserve better. Good luck.

I have the same type of treatment within our community. I am not a set religion like everyone else is. Everyone here is mormon and I am not. Sometimes ( a lot ) when I was younger I was treated like a plague. I know what it feels like to have been discriminated against and I still do.. Its not worth spending a lifetime defending who you are .

Originally Posted by Dragonfly

I have the same type of treatment within our community. I am not a set religion like everyone else is. Everyone here is mormon and I am not. Sometimes ( a lot ) when I was younger I was treated like a plague. I know what it feels like to have been discriminated against and I still do.. Its not worth spending a lifetime defending who you are .

That is funny you mention "the plague" ive told him that when I come around its as if I have the plague and everyone jets.

yes im done I just need him to move out. After finding out he's been doing stuff behind my back for 4 years I can't over look it. I have been in heck for 4 years due to his family and to find this out. This isnt good for me emotionally.I told myself this year it's going to be about me. I am going to work on my self esteem and so things I have given up because of this so called relationship. Ive lost all my gfriends because I was not going out just basically living my life for him. not this year. I know what he is doing trying to tell me he is going to counseling. so what I dont care