Thread: My best friend is a hooker!!!

Originally Posted by jen0519

So, I am not sure if this is the right place to post this but I consider this girl a sister so I figured it would be the best place. I have known my best friend since 9th grade. I was there when she had her first baby and we are very close. A few months ago she moved about 4 hours away and so i mostly talk to her online or on the phone these days. she told me a few months back that she was going to start doing topless massage. I thought it was a little weird but I figured that she needed the money since her husband had just left her to take care of 2 kids by herself. Well, a couple weeks into her doing this I found out that it is not topless massage, she has been prostituting. Not only that but she has been doing meth as well. I talked to her online the other day and she was about to pass out while her 2 year old daughter is running around the house. Her x-husband took off to Missouri with their 9 month old son. Tonight I talked to her on the phone and she was doing what she called a in-call night. Which was where she got a hotel room and had as many "appointments" as she could schedule. She told me that she has been up for 5 days. When I tell her how I feel about what she is doing she tells me that it is worth the money and that she gets to spend time with her kids. I tried to talk to her about the legal issue and she tells me that its only a misdemeanor. She wants me to go to Missouri woth her to get her son back. Since there is no custody order there is no way to make her x bring him back. But it isn't illegal for her to wait until her son is with someone besides her x and take him back. I told her that I would go with her to get him as long as this lifestyle she has been living, stops. I can understand why his father took him away from her. But, I know that she must be going through without having her baby. I don't know what to do for her. I have begged her to come back here and stay with me. I have offered to watch her kids as long as she is working at a real job. She broke down in tears tonight when I told her that I wouldn't go to missouri if this didn't stop first. Crying about how much she missed him and that she was worried that he missed her to. I have tried to say everything that I can to get her to stop using drugs and selling herself, nothing is working. She still has her daughter (she is from a different father) and she has been doing all of this with her around. I love those kids like they are my own. I wish I could drive there right now and pick her up. I know that most people would say to call the police, but I cannot do that to my best friend. I am begging her to just come here for a few days so we can talk. But she knows that if she does that I will try to not let her leave. I am afraid that she will end up getting beat up or worse. I am afraid that she will get some kind of horrible disease. I am terrified that she will do something to her little girl without even trying. What should I do?

Boy, it sounds like you are the only good thing in this girl's life.

I think that the first thing she has to do is get off the meth. If she doesn't care about what she is doing to her own body, then why would she care about what a bunch of strange guys are doing to it.

Originally Posted by jen0519

I talked to her online the other day and she was about to pass out while her 2 year old daughter is running around the house.
She still has her daughter (she is from a different father) and she has been doing all of this with her around.

And what would be the point of getting the 9 month old son back if he's going to be in that kind of environment?
You need to get her into an addiction treatment program or a drug rehab center that specializes in Crystal Meth detox. If she doesn't want to go, then you'll have to use her taken 9 month old as motivation. If she still doesn't want to go, then point out the fact that she's lucky she hasn't had her 2 year old daughter take away.
I know this "motivation" stuff makes it sound like your threatening her, but I think you have to get a little tough with her. Just keep thinking about those kids. Addicts really need motivation, they have to want to get clean or they never will get clean.

I hope this helps.

I agree that trying to get her off the meth is the first priority. For the moment I'd be supportive of everythign else - she feels trapped with no way out. If she can fix the drug problem, I think the other problems may look like they have more solutions.

Is there no family support in her life? Where are her parents, grandparents, siblings? You are a wonderful friend, and thank heavens she has you. She needs either an intervention with you and other people who care for her, or you have to do some really strong convincing to get her into treatment.

How long has she been on meth? I know it is a very difficult addiction to break.

You're going to have to at some point tell her that she's going to lose her children for good if she doesn't clean herself up. Its sad that she has no feelings of self-worth, or she wouldn't do this to her body, or feel this was all she was good enough to do with her life.

Good luck.

The problem is that she is so far away. I can't just go over there and make things clear to her. We have both had times in our lives when we needed each other. I went through a drug phase when I was younger but quit when I had my daughter. But I remember when we were 15 and I overdosed she snuck out of her parents house to come be with me at the hospital. Thats kinda always how we have been. When she got pregnant with her first child she had everything on track. Except for the fact that the babys father took off to go do drugs. But I always told her that she didn't need a baby daddy because I could be it. I remember the whole labor and getting to hold her daughter for the first time. Then she met her 2nd baby daddy. And things went downhill from there. HE was beating her up, manipulating her thoughts. He is the one that made them move so far away. I don't think he wanted marissa to be able to run to me. She stopped talking to me for a while. And I knew it could only mean bad things. I found out that he head butted her and she had to get 5 stitches across her forehead. After that he took off with her son. I know its not the right thing to go get him right now. And I told her that. I don't know what I can do from so far away that will make a difference. She says she doesn't use all the time and this last time made her sick so she doesn't want to do it again. But I have been there. I remember swearing to myself that I would never touch that **** again. But after a few days you start to feel normal again and its only a matter of time before someone puts it in front of your face. I told her that to be clean she needs to change her whole lifestyle. That hanging around her hooker friends will not let her quit. But she is so hard headed. The most stubborn I have ever known! She has justified it to herself somehow and she isn't taking other peoples opinions! She has 100 excuses for everything I say. This is so frustrating. I see her in the hospital from getting beat up or something worse and me stuck here because of a freaking snow storm!

She doesn't really have any family support. Her mom is a drunk and i think she is living in Missouri now. Her Dad is remarried, and too busy with his new life to think about his old one. And she has one little brother who is 13 or 14. None of them know what she is doing. She lives so far away I wouldn't even know if she hadn't told me. I have been pretty much all she has had since we were 14. She has had a very hard life and so have I so we have always been there for each other. I don't know what I would do without her in my life.

Originally Posted by jen0519

The problem is that she is so far away. I can't just go over there and make things clear to her.

You said something in your previous post about trying to get her to come stay with you. What does she say when you bring that up?
I agree, I think you need to get her as far away from her current lifestyle as possible. Keep trying to get her --and her kids-- away from all of that.

Originally Posted by jen0519

She says she doesn't use all the time and this last time made her sick so she doesn't want to do it again.

I wasn't exaggerating in my previous post, she really is lucky that she hasn't had her two year old take away. If someone else finds out about her meth habit or prostitution, with kids in the picture, they will call the cops. She won't have anyone to cry to when that happens.
If you can't motivate her with the idea of her kids being taken away, then try to help her find some other kind of motivation to change.
Maybe you can try and point out how much better things will be for her, and how much better she will feel, if she changes. Ask her about all of the things that she really wants in life.

Originally Posted by jen0519

But she is so hard headed. She has justified it to herself somehow and she isn't taking other peoples opinions! She has 100 excuses for everything I say. This is so frustrating.

One thing I've noticed, when you're trying to help an addict, whether it's one-on-one or through an intervention, is you have to try and be conversational with them, and try not to lecture them or badger them.
Unfortunately, she might be one of those people who will just have to hit bottom before she will change.

I have been talking to her lately about this through e-mail. I think I kinda have to give up a little bit. She is going to continue to do whatever she wants. And me taking time out of my day to really try and help her without her taking any responsibility isn't working. I have a child to! I have chatted with her online all day because I was afraid that if she wasn't online she would pass out with her 2 year old running around. It is really sad. The daughter that she still has is being taken care of by her father off and on. He never really took care of her when she was young, but he has cleaned up now and lives by them. That is her excuse for not wanting to move back here. I think that he enables her. He knows that she is on meth, but leaves his child with her mother anyway. I looked at the web site where she posts her ads and there are people saying the most horrible things about her. I don't even want to repeat it. I told her about it and she said "Yeah, I have a stalker and he used to be a lot meaner, he has kinda chilled out" WTF?? its all cool she has a stalker!!! She is pretty twisted right now i guess. I just don't think that there is anything I can do for her right now. I hope that she comes to her senses soon enough, and when she is actually listening(i mean sober!) then i will try again. I remember when i used to do it, nothing anybody said to me mattered. I had to want to stop before I actually did and I never realized the things I did to people and the things they tried to do for me.

Originally Posted by jen0519

I have been talking to her lately about this through e-mail. I think I kinda have to give up a little bit. She is going to continue to do whatever she wants. And me taking time out of my day to really try and help her without her taking any responsibility isn't working. I have a child to! I have chatted with her online all day because I was afraid that if she wasn't online she would pass out with her 2 year old running around. It is really sad.

I'm sorry things have turned out this way, but sometimes a person has to reach a certain breaking point before they are ready to change. That's how it was for my cousin, when he was really stuck in his addiction, nothing else mattered to him.

Originally Posted by jen0519

The daughter that she still has is being taken care of by her father off and on. He never really took care of her when she was young, but he has cleaned up now and lives by them. That is her excuse for not wanting to move back here. I think that he enables her. He knows that she is on meth, but leaves his child with her mother anyway.

Is there any chance at all of talking to this guy about the situation? If he has "cleaned up" his life, you would think that he'd want the same thing for the mother of his daughter. Is there any chance of getting through to this guy?

Originally Posted by jen0519

I remember when i used to do it

I think the fact that you came to your senses and stopped is, perhaps, just enough to give you hope that she will someday do the same.