Hello Everyone,
I am new to this forum and i am glad that i discovered it. I am 29 years old and feel so unloved and unwanted because i never had a secure father daughter relationship. My parents were never married and I carried so much shame about that. I have 3 older brothers and they do not show me attention...they come to me frequently for money. I cry myself to sleep many nights because my heart is so heavy and broken. I hold my pillow tight wishing I had a male to love me. I gravitate towards men that treat me well in the beginning but then somehow I become too needy and i am mistreated. I have had several men leave me so that doesn't help matters.

My dad and I do communicate via phone and we see each other from time to time but he is not positive. Very critical in nature. If i put on weight I will hear it...IF he says i look nice it doesn't seem genuine. I have been so effected by this. My mother never married anyone since I have been born. She was married to my brother's dad before i was born.
I wished she had someone in her life to be an example for me.

I share my pain with my mom and all she can focus on is how successful I am. I am a professional but i am no longer working due to my resignation.....I am so sad and want to be held.

Last night this guy whom I enjoyed his company called me and told me he is going out with another girl later that night and wanted to know what I was up to. Well I lied and said i am going out with a guy--the sad part is there is no guy. I made him up. I cried and cried that night...I feel so unwanted. I have gained 25lbs over the years because I am an emotional eater.....I just lay in bed all day and watch cnn and the election coverage.

I cancel on my friends and my life is passing me by....I cry when i see a commercial with a little girl with her dad or wife and husband being affectionate. I have dabbled in the homosexual lifestyle because i just want to be loved. I do not want to be with women. I want to be married and have a beautiful family. That is my deepest desire.

Thank you in advance for your comments.

I'm sorry that you are having a hard time, however I'm going to tell you like I'd tell my own sister (and I have had to go through this with her too), You have to love yourself before anyone worth loving will find you attractive. Physical beauty is only a small percentage of attraction. The way you care about yourself will show through. Confident people (truely confident, not just appearing confident) exibit different vibes.

You mentioned that you become needy and people leave. I think that you may come across very confident because of your professional nature. The best thing you can do is become close with yourself. Yes family life can give people issues, however, no one will fix those except you. take time out and go to the library or dinner by yourself and just be comfortable with yourself. Write a list of things about yourself you love. Then write one thing you do not like that you want to change. Work on that thing until it is fixed to your liking. Seek a counselor or pastor if you need a shoulder. Using the shoulder of new friends or new lovers will only scare them off. People are scary, (everyone) and others warm up slowly to others differences.

Stop placing the blame on those who have treated you wrong. Don't place blame because its connected to inner hate and it will ruin you. Forgive them, and love yourself and move on. No one is perfect, everyone has issues, but how you handle them will be the difference.

My heart really goes out to you, as I can relate to not having had a secure father-daughter relationship either. I am going through a divorce now and have been looking back on all that has happened in my life and how it has affected me (whether good/bad). My parents split when I was four, and although I did have a relationship with my father, he was minimally involved and did not make me or my brother a priority in any way. This, I think, lead to some real self-confidence issues for me which I am still trying to resolve. I think the other person who posted had some good suggestions. I would take her advice and reach out to a counselor and try to focus on what you like about yourself. It's tough, I know, but it seems like a good start. Hang in there, I know how hurtful this is...