Okay, first let me say that im a young mother of a little girl, who was married for 2 years at a very young age and got divorced when she was 1, now she is 3 years old. Right after my divorce, I met *him. We had a nice relationship the first couple of months than split for a while, due to a great deal of problems. We got back together about seven months ago, and at first everything was fine, we agreed to fight for what we wanted and be truthfull, etc. etc. so the problem is that i never feel that he does enough to make me happy. i mean, his commitment is minimum. First of all, his family doesnt like me, they dont know anything about me, they just simply DONT like me... and he isnt comfortable with them seeing us together. he says its not because of me, he says the problem is that he doesnt feel comfortable around them. I dont seem to understand. i just picture my future with a man that doesnt include me nor my daughter in any activity that involves his family. Im a real family type of girl. I love having friends and i dont like to think that someone doesnt like me. I dont get it, im in law school and i work as a legal assistant and i try hard to be independent, but that isnt even enough for them or HIM!
he sees things the way he wants and i have spoken to him about it and he just says thats the way he is. He is also really distant with m y daughter. I mean, we've been together for almos two years on and off and he still doesnt kiss her HELLo...is that strange or is it just me?
I worry about him all the time, we we go out and he doesnt have money i pay for his stuff, but its never the other way around, not even when im with my daughter. He's not the greatest thing on earth, but im not looking for the perfect man, just someone who will be there for me AND my daughter.

Please help me! I dont want to be involved with a man that is going to be like this the rest of my life.

you've just stated here what you want, and he's not it. you deserve better and if he isn't going to give it to you, someone else will. it doesn't sound like he respects you, or is willing to "fight for what you want" out of this relationship.

you've got problems with this man and it doesn't sound like you are happy. get out of this relationship and find someone who will treat you right. it isn't all about picking up the tab, or finding the "perfect" man...its about having someone who will care about what you have to say and comprimise to make the relationship work.

good luck and let us know how you're doing.

The one thing you stated that stood me up was he has no love for the child. She is an innocent little girl and will sense this. Are you willing to sacrifice her life to have a man? It kind of boils down to this. He sounds like he is way too devoted to his family who do not like you from the start. The family of the man are rough to get to know. You are stealing their little boy and you are much worse than the average woman. You were married and have a child and not what they expected this golden boy to have. She looks at you as used merchandise. You are not good enough for her little boy and she is not in a hurry to get to know you and help your relationship in any way......She may even try to hurt it...

He sounds like a loser. You are doing everything for him and even paying the bills. All this for having a man and hopefully a Father for your little girl. It is important that you love a man and even more important that this man love this little girl. She is the one with a life ahead of her. He does not sound like any role model. In fact just the opposite of what a Father should be. When you meet that right man he will love your baby as he loves you. Good men do this. After all your baby is you only just a little younger.

Dump him. It is more wonderful being alone and happy with that baby rather than being sad in a situation that you may wish you never had gotten into.....I wish you well.....C

How old are you?

I can completely see your point of view, however I'm going to give you the other side of the coin.

The idea of children on the whole terrifies men. They are the hugest responsibility in the world. It is not a decision to take lightly. You cannot really EXPECT another man to look after another mans baby, especially if you are still quite young. What man is going to decide to have that pressure at age 20 (guessing here). Your kid is yours, not his... I think it's optimistic to think that any average guy would move himself in as the father, and be everything you want him to be. Just like you have desires yourself, so do men. And walking into a massive commitment they did not choose is not one of them.

And I would share the concerns of his familiy. Hypothetically, if I had a son, who was going out with a girl who had a baby, I would be worried. He might wind up sacrificing his education, or career, or whatever for that baby, furthering someone elses bloodline, maybe being in a relationship where he wont even have his own children because there's already a family. It's also not very respectable or clever to have a child at a young age, so that would interfere with my ability to be glad about their relationship with my son.

I also don't think he has a responsibility to integrate you with his family. He's already probably causing problems with them simply be being with you.

He has his problems, I'm sure, I just don't think it's as easy as you'd like it to be to find a man to look after someone elses family..

Sorry.

I doubt it's you.
Some people have messed up families. It's nothing they can control; they just never got along with their parents for whatever reason and their parents aren't going to like ANYBODY.
And if that's the case, that he doesn't like his family, don't you think he's going to have hang-ups about a family of his own?
On a side-note, I wouldn't find it appropriate for another man, one who isn't a blood or legal relative, to kiss a little girl hello. Unless you live in a culture where kissing strangers hello is common, I just don't see it.
The bottom line is that you deserve to have what you want, and also that baggage isn't cute, nor is it your responsibility to deal with it.
So, if it's not you, and it's probably him, you have to decide what you're going to do. Caroline's right; your daughter deserves a step-father who is affectionate and loves her ... and Anon's right in that it's going to be hard to find a man who will be that stepfather.
Good luck.

We are all brought us to believe in the fairy tale of the perfect family. With me it was first grade and Di*k and Jane and Spot the dog. Happy house with Mommy and Daddy and they would all go to the farm to see the Grandparents on the weekend. Then TV and the Ozzie and Harriet family. Another perfect family. The Cleaver's with Beaver and even the old comic books of Dagwood and Blondie with Alexander and Cookie. All wonderful joy and no problems and we all could not wait to grow up and be like these people.

But that is not life. It is the kind of a dream that sends young people off in a hurry to create a baby to make them whole. It is their dream of making themselves the perfect family.....I seriously doubt that there is a family around that is not dysfunctional in some degree. We all have our skeleton's in our closets but it is life. So you have your man's family trying to fulfill their dreams for him of making the perfect family for him and you probably do not fit into it. Sad but just the simple facts of life. You could be the most wonderful woman in the world but to get past that invisible barrier that they have set up could drive you mad and in the end you would probably lose.

You deserve better...There is someone for everyone....You are lucky....You have the baby....Give yourself some time to grow. You are so young and I know your loneliness but take it slow.....