My family makes me crazy!

**lexi** · 03-20-2008 11:25 AM

I am going to be graduating from college in May and my apartment lease also ends in May so I have been looking for a new place closer to home. My parents are now pressuring me to move in but my dad and I can't even have a civil conversation before we start yelling at each other. I have been at their house over spring break for a few days now and I can't stand it. I don't like living under their roof and they can't understand that. They want me to save money and whatnot which I agree is a good idea but if I have to live here for three months I don't think I will last. I am an emotional wreck when I have to be here and it just makes me absolutely crazy. (Yes I realize three months isn't that long but if I am crying all the time and depressed it will feel like a lifetime)

Anyone have some tips for being around family that you can barely stand to be around?

(I have tried ignoring my dad and also I have tried to just do what he says so he doesn't get mad but I can't do anything right in his eyes and nothing I do is good enough.)

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-20-2008 11:31 AM

Originally Posted by lexi

I am going to be graduating from college in May and my apartment lease also ends in May so I have been looking for a new place closer to home. My parents are now pressuring me to move in but my dad and I can't even have a civil conversation before we start yelling at each other. I have been at their house over spring break for a few days now and I can't stand it. I don't like living under their roof and they can't understand that. They want me to save money and whatnot which I agree is a good idea but if I have to live here for three months I don't think I will last. I am an emotional wreck when I have to be here and it just makes me absolutely crazy. (Yes I realize three months isn't that long but if I am crying all the time and depressed it will feel like a lifetime)

Anyone have some tips for being around family that you can barely stand to be around?

(I have tried ignoring my dad and also I have tried to just do what he says so he doesn't get mad but I can't do anything right in his eyes and nothing I do is good enough.)

Hi Lexi,

Sounds like your parents love you though, to help you save money.

What sets of your agruements are you both "like and like" so opinionated about all things discussed?

I know my mum was and she still is, bless her, but at my age, i just tell her how it is, yes, but that's why you had me so i could grow up and be an individual, i actually like it etc..and i smile at her...

My father is arguementative but i think that's because my mum edges him because she can't do it to me anymore, when both are right all the time, no one is wrong.

You may both be strong characters and if that's the case, you may just have to bite your lip a bit as it's their house and he will be the "man" of the house, the dad and gently give your opinions back, sometimes i do it in a joking way and then he laughs and it breaks it?

Need more info...

**lexi** · 03-20-2008 06:22 PM

We can't not argue. It doesn't matter the topic there is something I am doing wrong and he has a fix for me and even if I try his fix I still get yelled at. Like today I borrowed his truck because I left mine up at school to save gas money and he said that next time I come down I better just bring my own car because he needs his truck etc etc. He also told me he didn't want me driving his truck because I might get a ding in the door which could happen to him just as easily as it could happen to me. So I asked my sister in law if I could just use her car instead and when I told him I could use her car, he told me that I had to use his truck because her car isn't safe enough. Which isn't the case it is just a beater car and doesn't have good shocks.

I ended up super frustrated with him because I was trying to do the responsible thing by saving money and not driving 300 miles to get home and back when I could just ride with someone else and share the gas money but instead of him being happy I was saving money all he cared about was his ****** truck getting a ding in the door.

And this is just an example of the small things he gets on me for. The big things are my applications to law schools, my not wanting to move in because I have been on my own for over 5 years, how I spend my money, the choices I make for myself, etc.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-20-2008 06:28 PM

Originally Posted by lexi

We can't not argue. It doesn't matter the topic there is something I am doing wrong and he has a fix for me and even if I try his fix I still get yelled at. Like today I borrowed his truck because I left mine up at school to save gas money and he said that next time I come down I better just bring my own car because he needs his truck etc etc. He also told me he didn't want me driving his truck because I might get a ding in the door which could happen to him just as easily as it could happen to me. So I asked my sister in law if I could just use her car instead and when I told him I could use her car, he told me that I had to use his truck because her car isn't safe enough. Which isn't the case it is just a beater car and doesn't have good shocks.

I ended up super frustrated with him because I was trying to do the responsible thing by saving money and not driving 300 miles to get home and back when I could just ride with someone else and share the gas money but instead of him being happy I was saving money all he cared about was his ****** truck getting a ding in the door.

And this is just an example of the small things he gets on me for. The big things are my applications to law schools, my not wanting to move in because I have been on my own for over 5 years, how I spend my money, the choices I make for myself, etc.

Wow??? This is hard Lexi... One i see an over protective father who can't stop giving advice instead of letting you grow into your own person.

Then i see a father, that's don't touch it's mine, to no no one else can offer i have to and revert back to what he said you can't touch, almost as if he is controlling.

What is he like with your mum can i ask?

**lexi** · 03-21-2008 02:16 AM

They have a really good relationship actually. They argue, like all couples do, every so often but I have only ever seen them fight once and it was just a nasty exchange of words. They have been married for more than 30 years and will stay married until they die.

My mom stands up to him and he listens because he values their relationship. If my mom is around she tells him that he is acting irrational or gets him back in line but if its just me I can't stick up to him without ending in tears because I get so frustrated.

I left the country a few months after I turned 17 and was away for a year and then I never moved home after I got back so I think that he still sees me as a 17 year old or younger and doesn't realize that I have been making my own choices for the better part of 5 years. I guess he just might think of me as his little daughter who he needs to protect all the time but I don't know, I just don't think I can take it even for as short as three months when I have issues just spending a few days in this house.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-21-2008 02:33 AM

Originally Posted by lexi

They have a really good relationship actually. They argue, like all couples do, every so often but I have only ever seen them fight once and it was just a nasty exchange of words. They have been married for more than 30 years and will stay married until they die.

My mom stands up to him and he listens because he values their relationship. If my mom is around she tells him that he is acting irrational or gets him back in line but if its just me I can't stick up to him without ending in tears because I get so frustrated.

I left the country a few months after I turned 17 and was away for a year and then I never moved home after I got back so I think that he still sees me as a 17 year old or younger and doesn't realize that I have been making my own choices for the better part of 5 years. I guess he just might think of me as his little daughter who he needs to protect all the time but I don't know, I just don't think I can take it even for as short as three months when I have issues just spending a few days in this house.

Sounds to me like your right. He may have old fashion values that a man has to "protect" and mum stands up to him, so that's no good, she obviously also sees when it eats at you.

Seems your "daddy's girl love", that's why he said not to the truck until you went elsewhere, and then it was, now you can.

Also seems at 17 and a half, made your own choices since 12, he can't let go and is trying maybe to make up those 5 years as well.

Why not be a bit bolder, and joke a bit with him.. I do that with my dad and i'm 45, lol. He is opinionated with mum, she stands up, but he doesn't listen and i just say, no i won't i'll finish my conversation then walk over and kiss him and say well, i am 45. And he laughs.

So i know your younger and i'm not telling you to say "no i won't". I am saying, walk up to him and say something like, " you know you raised a really independant, strong girl and as a result, hate to tell you this but i'm quite mature, so thanks", smile and give him a hug, that type of thing, make him realise he doesn't have to worry about you so much.

I am sure that's why he's doing what he's doing.

3 months goes quickly. No one understands a parent until they become one, or their at the age where they watch their brother with his etc, it's weird. I didn't like being told at all when i was 16 and i left home.

Still don't necessary agree with them, but we get on just fine...

Parents are parents, the do love their kids and do things in the most strangest ways sometimes.

Good luck Lexi...

C · 03-21-2008 02:57 PM

Parents have children but neglect to see as their child grows that they are their own person....They do not own them and many of their actions are not like them...They are their own person...Unfortunately, this does not change as the child grows...It becomes more paramount...You see the child changes ... but the parent doesn't...

My advice is do your own thing....Get out on your own...Don't go back and live with them....Be happy...I would say maybe one out of three kids grow up with a closeness with their family....

Being a parent for many years, honey I hear you......Do your own thing with absolutely no regret......Maybe in time they will see the light and maybe they won't....But don't fret...Have a ball....

**lexi** · 03-22-2008 10:19 PM

I ended up talking to my mom about it and told her that I can't move in. She completely understands and thinks that while I should be trying to save money my sanity is important too. So I talked to my brother and sis-in-law and if I can't find some other place I am going to move into their spare bedroom. That way I can save money and not go crazy...

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-22-2008 10:32 PM

Originally Posted by lexi

I ended up talking to my mom about it and told her that I can't move in. She completely understands and thinks that while I should be trying to save money my sanity is important too. So I talked to my brother and sis-in-law and if I can't find some other place I am going to move into their spare bedroom. That way I can save money and not go crazy...

Good for you, now you can have a stress free 3 months hey.....and save money.

Good luck, still try to joke around with your dad a bit, to ease him into you are a woman now, he may come around earlier rather than later, and maybe not...

Best of luck.

C · 03-23-2008 12:41 AM

Originally Posted by lexi

I ended up talking to my mom about it and told her that I can't move in. She completely understands and thinks that while I should be trying to save money my sanity is important too. So I talked to my brother and sis-in-law and if I can't find some other place I am going to move into their spare bedroom. That way I can save money and not go crazy...

Good for you....Smart move to save peace...TC, C

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