Hi There! I am new to this, but was feeling that I needed to go somewhere to open up. I had thought about counseling. But with 3 kids & a full time job that is impossible.

My husband and I have been married for 10 years. All of our inlaws live right here together. It is an awful situation. At least I think so, they hate me. Including my sister inlaws. They will completly ignore me but when one paticular sister inlaw is not in the picture they are nice(if you want to say that) they at least acknowledge me. This is bringing me down. I try not to go to any family functions. I feel that if I pull myself away then noone is getting hurt but my children are. My parents love my kids. The others not so much. I hate this for them. Any advice?

There seems to be a leader in the pack. Does your husband acknowledge this properly with you and assist, as it seems if you are not going to family functions then he must be aware of your misery and as your husband, surely he can intervene a little here, you are his wife?

Do you know this "leader of the pack" resents you so much that has obviously led to her controlling the other's in regards to how they react with you.?

Sometimes if we know the answers as to why, it is easier to find the solution as to how.

Sounds like they need the councelling you just need to find a way to resolve what ever this issue is that has been going on for so long, with the assistance of your husband, as apposed to him allowing it to continue..

He does know what is going on, but does not know what to say. He works for the family. There is one leader in the pack. And I have asked what the problem is, and of course she says nothing. Actually it has gotten so bad that we stayed back from a family vacation w/all of them so that he could run the farm. They are very closed minded people.

Well, i can only say then that this is your life, and that of your husband's and childrens.

What makes it hard that he "works for the family" and maybe it may be worth while considering a career change.

You could ask her to have lunch with you and say, let's sort this out like two adults, it can remain the way it is, or be a happier journey for all of us.

I don't know if the other "sister-in-laws are married as well", and alls okay there, or whether you were both young when you got married, perhaps she felt threatened back then, maybe your home is better, i don't know what the problem is..

But, you at least within your own household need to be loving and happy, at least on your side of the family that is there.

Sometimes if things just can't be resolved it creates a distance but better the distance remains there and you concentrate on your inner family and be happy.

Hard to say, is he the only "brother and younger", perhaps she feels a connection and hasn't been able to let go of the "baby brother"...

I also hate to say this but i know unfortunately, some familys are just that a family and don't like to let others in. Regardless of time.

In fact, my ex-husband's Aunty and Uncle refused to put our name in the marriage book, as he changed his, they stuck with the old name and blamed me for 5 years, but it was his decision due as he didn't get on with his father who died when he was 5, he was physically abused, so didn't want to carry that name any more with his life.

It's strange how people think.... I know

Thank you so much for the advice and for listening. I do feel that way, sometimes families do not like to let other people in. I do agree that we as "our" family need to be happy and loving for one another.

Hi,

Here, i'm sure your husband is aware of your predicaments. As its hard to overlook the mental anguish of ones wife esp. when you are publicly avoiding all family functions etc. But let me tell you something which i myself feel, that sitting and brooding only takes you so far, it effects behaviour and performance, not to mention the other stress related things like constant worry and paranoia.

My suggesstion would be to tackle it head on: I'm sure by now you must have identified the people(sisters) who are behind your heartache, just go and set up a 'conversation over coffee' and talk it through.

Men understand the broader aspects, and cant be bothered with nuances of hurt and emotional hard hitting, more so as it his own blood,so talk to teh people, but be politically correct so as not to be quoted, play it in our head over and over and then approach.

Im sure you will reach some amicable solution.