I've been happily married for 10 years and from day 1 my husband has disliked my brother's wife. My brother and his wife have been married for about 5 years. My brother and his wife had a rocky start to their marriage but all seems well now. My husband doesn't trust her, says she is a liar etc. etc. I try to have a relationship with her without him, but it just doesn't work because I'm close to my husband and want her to come to the house and if I want us all to get together for dinner, he loses it. Slams doors, says that I'm sneaking to plan these things etc, etc. Then he stops talking to me for hours and it's just horrible. I then have to lie to rearrange plans that I have made with my brother and sis-in-law. It's crazy. I've never seen anybody get so angry, it's like he is a different person. I don't know what to think anymore. It use to make me angry now it makes me sad that I can't bring our family closer and he won't at least accept her a little. Also, he has no proof about her being a liar or not being able to trust her. He just says its a feeling.

I really need help with trying to figure this out. Can anyone help? Thanks in advance.

What does she say about your husband?

And what was the rocky part of your husband's brothers realationship about at the beginning.?

Has she expressed anything to you?

I see you are close to your husband...............

CW

My sis-in-law has never said anything to me about my husband and when she is in his presence she tip-toes around him, what she says, how she acts, it's like she is on edge, almost shaking inside. I watch her become extremely nervous around him. One time she stayed with me when my husband left town and she asked me why my husband doesn't like her and I told her I didn't know and she would have to ask him. That was about 7 years ago. I don't think she ever did. When she talks about him (which is rare) she usually speaks highly of him.

The rocky relationship was between my brother and my sis-in-in law. My husband really likes my brother but said he can't get close to him because of his wife (who is my sis-in-law)

I guess that was truly my question hense the questions. It's like there is something "unsaid" that maybe he knows about her that he can't and won't tell his brother, ie) she was an ex-stripper before she married and he knows but won't say... Not that that is bad, but may be to him as she married his brother, or he knows of someone before his brother that is not good.

I don't think you can do anything if he won't tell or she won't talk but there is something that someone is not telling in my books.

The only thing i don't understand is the almost last line? Your husband really likes his brother but can't get close because of his brother's wife?

You can't despise someone and let it affect your relationship with your brother unless there is something.... I don't think anyway...

Maybe you can push her a bit more to talk about before she married, but if your husband goes bananas then i would leave him alone, or maybe even better, you just leave it alone....

What will be will be....

Sorry.

CW

I have to agree with CW... something is amis. There is something unspokan there. I first thought it was something that may have happened between your hub and your SIL but CW brings up some good points. Your hub must have some reason other than a gut feeling to be so vehement about someone, anyone, regardless of who it is. Most times, a gut feeling about someone just puts us on guard not outright hostile.

Tough call. It depends on how involved you want to be with your brother. At the end of the day, your relationship with him is ultimately the one to suffer or grow. Just as you are kind of a package deal with your hub, so is he with his wife. Not that you cant have one without the other but the person closest to us (usually our spouse) has the most effect on us for whatever reason. Could get right down to you just get tired of hearing your hubby talk negatively about her so you just avoid her altogether in a round about way, not spending time with your brother. If that can make sense.

I guess it depends on how far your willing to push it. Pushing the subject with your husband could cause a major meltdown or could resolve an issue. Talking more in depth with your SIL could give you some insight or make her shut down like fort knox. You have to decide what your willing to risk.

Id say theres always a problem with inlaws , outlaws, mothers in laws you name it, families have problems all over the world ...id just settle for the easy life and dont be around someone he/she dosent like ..its not worth the hassle and life has already got too many stresses ...i wouldnt worry about it ..keep smiling x

There's something going on...

Maybe you should trust his instincts?