Thread: MIL stress . Help!!!!

OK, there's something I've learnt about old women, and this might not be very popular around here.

As a woman ages, her world becomes smaller - the only things that are important are the things that are in touching distance of herself. It's basically the slow onset of senility. With seeing the whole world as so small, selfishness flourishes. This is especially kick started with a tradgedy such as losing a loved one. She wants to feel good, and the only way to do that is to blame someone and lash out at them - I mean honestly, how many old women do you know who don't whine about everything? As women fight by trying to emotionally hurt someone as opposed to punching you, that's what she does. Berrating you also elevates herself, as being better than you, so she's also trying to validate her own life by putting yours down. It sounds like she's ****** to boot (as anyone who hadn't been educated would be), so you can't really take anything she says seriously.

Just pity her, wonder why you bother looking after her in the first place, and try to get her sent off to a nursing home.

This is all coming from a cynical guy, so take it with a pinch of salt.

Thank you is the least i can say for validating my fears and saying a thing or two about old women, i never satyed with my grandparents and my own parents are comparitively young, so they dont have emotional issues like these.

Nursing home is a distant option, as she is hail and hearty, and can pretty much take care of herself...the gnawing issue is rude comments, emanating from the fact that she has a problem with whatever i do, dont do, say, eat, wear..in short my existance.I cant vanish for her sake, so what do i do...if i refuse to listen to her, she goes knocking at our neighbours and spills out her imaginary woes. this is perturbing and i dont know how to ignore or handle. thanksfully i have a full time job, leaving us with less of an overlap, but im stressed about those couple of hours with her.

She discusses about my lifestayle, food ..even nighwear with her daughters and neighbours, robbing me off the little privacy i have.

I'm trying to cope hard..and all your help is appreciated.

I can see that you are going through a lot of pain. I can totally understand coz I am in the same situation as yours. My MIL and FIL are still alive but still trying to destroy my life. My MIL instigates my husband against me coz I am not the typical DIL she desired. She wanted simeone who was uneducated and always available at her beck and call.Basicallt,she wanted a servant and not a DIL. She criticizes me in front of my husabnd. My husband says his mother knows best.She is always trying to create rifts between us. Everytime she cals and talks to him, my husband fights with me because she cannot see us happy. MIL talks bad about my parents tool. She is uneducated and only fit for housework. She expects me to to utensils and housework when I can easily afford help. She keeps telling my husband that I don't cook what they eat their house and that I have no care for him. She cannot look beyond her limited old fashioned perception. I hate her and at times start hating my husband too coz he shouts at me for her. She purposely fills his ears against me and makes him fight with me. She expects that though she will abuse and shout at me, if i so much as open my mouth, then i am argumentative and mannerless. The fact is that MIL is a psycho She is the worst person i have ever met. My husband is so idiotic too. He has no respect for me. oNLY HUS DEAR MOTHER IS HUS FAVORITE. I hate MIL.

Hi Dear,

Try to hold on ...i can almost understand your predicatement. Mostly teh tryst is because there is a generation and a mentality change, if you are not the DIL which you MIL wanted, you are mistaken, there is no DIL she might have wanted or if there is one perfect DIL in her eyes --its a puppet which i dont think you'd like to be as you sound like you are intelligent, young , smart and have a mind of your own. Try not to give in to her pressures and ape to be a DIL which is nothing but a domestic servant!!

Thanks for he advice. It really feels great to know that there are people like you who care and understand. I just hope my husband gets some sense. There is absolutely no hope for my MIL changing. A woman like her..who is so cunning and shrewd, is someone i do not want to even talk to. Her shrill voice and uncivilized behavir puts me off completely. T5hank you for your support. I really appreciate it.

Mamma's boys............ there is no one like their mommy's I know I know. They don't want anyone to take the place of mommy either. Some men need to learn that when they get married their wives are first and formost. Trust me these ladies were probably treated the same as they are treating you they feel they have every right too they have earned it.

good luck

Amen and well said:about Mamma's Boys .

I put up with verbal abuse from my MIL when she was with us – the abuse was like—she was always talking down to me and she made fun of me because ‘I don’t eat non-veg to what al my mother didn’t teach me to cook’. Now married for close to two years, I still can’t stand her. It sounds as though she and your MIL would be related. I’ve prayed, cried, analyzed the situation and nothing makes sense. She’s so strange and manipulative. Things only get better when she is away. I’ve come to realize that this is the way it is. PERIOD. I’m telling you all this, just to make sure that you are not alone In this.

MIL's are annoying for so many reasons, they let their sons/bros married out of compulsion or society and they cant stand the new girl in their house, they cant share their sons or brothers time with the new entrant of the house, and so they kill their time finding faults , thinking that if she leaves, they can get a new ‘bahu’ who will dance to their tunes. they predominantly want a maid …and not their sons companion…sorry this is what have gathered why in-laws are all about .

Tell you what—move out if you ca or create seperate spaces in the same house. You never know what equation he shared with his folks before the marriage, maybe his mother and dad had always dominated him, you’ll never know. The more you all are together and paly, his mother will fill his mind with ugly stuff about you, it won’t do you any good. Have you ever tried to bring the point of moving away? but you must accept that he is still entitled to his parents, even if you and they cannot get on.

Girls have to be the stronger ones. C’mon we are educated independent women, Iand we certainly don’t deserve to do all this. Neither do you. so chill and think of giving them a taste of their own medicine.

And in all this remember to keep your husband by your side, sooner or later he will surely understand that you mean no harm for his mother but cannot be subjected to day to day mental torment.

Hope I was of some help...