A member of my family's child was molested by another under-18 member of his household. I just found this out today. I feel like I'm going to puke ... that's how his mother feels too.
The victim is only 5 years old, the molester junior high-aged and with a history of incest molestation. He had received counseling but apparently didn't recover.
Do you think that the victim will remember it? What can the family do to make it better? The older boy is going to be leaving the household, obviously.
It just makes me sick. I can't believe that there are people out there who do things like this. Something must have happened to this boy to make him so messed up, but I'm angry that he's a minor and thus might have a chance to work with children in the future.

Oh little... I am so sorry for you and yours.

I am not going to go into details but my family has been through this as well. The end result for the molestor... it ate him up. He turned to drugs to "forget" life by the time he was 14. A couple of rocky years then one night he disappeard from home. Two years later two hunters found his remains in a field where he had shot himself on the night he disappeared. As for the one molested... she was young when it happened. She told after he disappeared but she had no way of knowing he didnt know she had told. Not more than a week ago she asked if his suicide was her fault for telling. She has been through counseling and is very timid and shy to date. She does remember tho. Just show as much love as possible to this little one, make sure she knows it was not her fault, believe in her and what she says.

I totally understand the wanting to puke. I feel for you and his mother and your family, especially the little girl and the boy as well. He is still a child. I know its hard to look at him and not be fearful and hateful. Its unfortunate he was allowed into a situation he had already proven he could not be in.

I dont know what to say really. **hug** Just really sorry you have to go through this. Don't let it eat you. Maybe get some help to deal with feelings you have now and many that will come. Keep your support close. Best of luck to you and yours.

The victim is a little boy. Obviously I don't have a problem with homosexuality between consenting adults but it just makes it all the more unexpected. The mother, looking back, had plenty of control over the contact with her daughter (the victim's twin) but had fewer reservations about contact with the boy.
Fortunately, I went away for college and don't have to be there day to day, but I am going to be babysitting the twins soon. I know I'll have to be right in the middle of the situation.
Thank you so much for the support and response.

The hurt is stronger when it's part of you, and i am so sorry.

I imagine you are also in a bit of shock, as well as angry and in pain, look after yourself at the same time Little otherwise you'll be no good to anyone else in your family, whilst you come to terms with it. This is also hard on you...

I know of a neighbour who let her boyfriends do things to her little one on-going and i saw that little one years later, not good.

I don't know if he will forget, i pray that he will, but i agree just rally around with much love on-going so that he may put it in the back of his mind whilst he's young and perhaps suggest that the family play lots of fun games so he laughs lots not smothering cuddles of love, as he may "understand" what the fuss is all about....

It is a crime for sure that this teenager may re-offend. All you can all do there is watch him as years go by and if need be, warn employers if he goes into fields that involve children as much as he is family.

Take care of yourself, thinking of you and much love to your family Little.

CW

When our daughter was in first grade, a playmate down the street had a teen age boy of 15, sexually assault both her and her brother. He was in kindergarten. When this happened the children's Mother called me down to tell me what happened. She was just about crazy with fear and sorrow...The boy sexually abused both of them. She went across the street and told his parents. They begged both she and her husband not to call the police and she didn't. Within a few days their house was up for sale and they moved within a month. What a mistake this was never to have had the proper care for this boy. Seeing they had not lived there that long, I wonder if this had happened before...

I do know of one of my husband's relatives that sexually abused a little boy when he was around that age of your relative. Again the family did nothing to help that troubled boy. The young boy grew up to be a wonderful man and we went to his marriage many years ago. Nobody helped the boy and God knows what happened to him.

Maybe ignoring the situation unless the child mentions it, is the easiest thing to do. I have regreted many times in my life, not making my little daughter more aware of the perils of family and what can happen to a little girl...The problem is you trust your own family..........

Hugs to you......It hurts...TC, C

When I was 8, My dad moved in with his girlfriend, and about a month later, her son began molesting me, and this went on until I was 14. I finally got the nerve to tell. I am not going to lie...Im pretty sure my step-mom hates me now, and the worst part is...
He got away with it. He told everyone I was lying, and they believed him...even my OWN family believed him over me...the only ones who believed me, were my sister, and my mom. In the end, I had to move out into my moms...and my dads and I's relationship has NEVER been the same.

Now let me tell you what you can do for this child. Tell him that he is NOT alone, and that it is NOT his fault, and that he did the right thing by telling. He will probably feel "dirty" afterwards, so let him know he is NO dirty. Let Him know that nothing bad can happen to him now, because the people that love him wont let it. You need to be there for him, and let him KNOW he can trust you. He will undoubtedly now have some issues concerning trust, and later in the future, he might go through some depression.
Please be there for him. Because I know just how crappy he feels right now, and he may even wish he didnt tell. Please tell the parents to take him to a councellor, for someone he can "trust" to not tell his secrets.
But try to find one that will take interest in his interests. My councellor actually brought in his dogs for me to see, and after that he gained my trust.

I am so sorry. This is so hard on a family...just be there for him. but ACT normal....dont act like he has leprocy...he's still the same, loving little boy.

I'm very sorry. I have to ask though - are you sure? Did the victim say what happened or is this based on what others have said? I ask because the little girl I had as a foster child had been taken out of her home because CPS said she was being molested. I have good reason to believe that it never happened, and that the claims were faked by a social worker with a grudge against the family member.

Steps to Healing
Moving toward recovery is a daunting thing. It takes time, and many of the same steps that occur when someone dies. The order in which you take the steps or even whether or not you hit a step depends on your events and the way they unwind into your life.

Remember that each step is valuable and has something to teach us. Don't try to rush the healing process. Healing takes time. You won't wake up tomorrow and suddenly everything is better. There may be days after you've completed the steps that one of them rears its head and you have to go through the feelings and emotions again. This is all perfectly normal.

I've heard that people who have been molested, raped, etc., often go through post-traumatic stress disorder. This is the same disorders soldiers go through. You've seen the movies where the soldier has a flashback to the days of the war, and physically feel as if they were there? This may happen to you.

We recommend, as always, that you seek out a counselor to help you through this process. Don't automatically settle for the first one you come to. Make sure that their beliefs are in line with yours, and that you feel very comfortable with them. You will be discussing intimate topics, so the level of comfort must be high.
Denial
Whether it's happening to you, or to someone you love, denial is often the first turn on the road to recovery. A sense of disbelief that this could have happened to you or your family. Surely this must be a joke...

I remember sitting across the table from the counselor as she told us that my middle daughter had disclosed to her that she was molested. It was like being in a place of waves... you know, a hot hot day, when you can see the heat emanating in waves off of the blacktop... that surreal feeling you get? I had lived in fear that something would happen to her, but this I did not expect. A year later when my youngest disclosed to me, it was heart rending... I grieved out of order, but I still reached the point of denial... "this cannot have happened to my baby," I thought.
Anger
Anger is a very typical response. If it's happening to you, you feel like you want to get back at, hurt, or even kill the person doing this to you, and this tends to be mixed (because most molestations occur with someone you know) with a sense of confusion. Since molestation is sexual, and we were created as sexual beings, we also have the confusion tossed in regarding the way it made us feel, dirty... and yet.

As parents our anger is different. At least mine was. I was angry at the boy that did this to my daughters, angry with his mother and my ex-husband for allowing it to happen, angry with myself for not catching the signs, angry with God for not protecting my children. I was just angry, but had to cover up all these feelings because I didn't want my children to see the anger... they needed the comforting, nurturing mom, not the angry, vengeful warrior.

My anger grew to hate... it was the first time in my life I'd ever hated anyone. I remember hearing about accidents in the vicinity of the home during rush hour, and praying, "God, please let it be them." Those who know me would be surprised at this revelation. I tend to be a very forgiving and loving person. I had day dreams of how I could harm them... the mom is allergic to mushrooms. I would envision making her brownies and instead of water using mushroom juice. I wanted to surround my home with lilac bushes to keep my ex-husband, who is allergic to them, away. I had never felt such rage, such helpless, impotent rage, in all my life.

The turning point from my rage was when I had a friend who knew a friend who could put us all out of our misery. Realizing t