Geez where do I start?? I'm just going to vent so please don't mind me but I need to do something bc I feel as though I will explode and kind of want advice from outside sources besides my friends and family....

Anyway My husband and I just got married a week ago.. We have been dating for 5 1/2 years prior to being married. Well I am also 7 years older than my husband. I'm 27 and he is 20. We love each other so much. Well here is the deal. We are planning a huge formal wedding april 25, 2009, and as said earlier we decided we wanted to get married earlier which was a week ago. The big formal wedding is still planned for next year. Is there anything wrong with that? THis year it was a civil service w/ our parents and our sister's only. Well according to my SNL she went behind our backs and told people that we are non-traditional and weird. Cris' sister is also older than he is and is very very spoiled in my eyes. MY SNL is very very pretty (modeled in the past), she is smart (no common sense), has a good job. But she is the most stuck up, most arrogant person, and very self absorbed person you will every meet in your life. She thinks her "****" doesnt stink litterally and in her "daddy's" eyes she can do absolutely no wrong. Its pathetic. When me and her are together we are very civil to each other, but I know its all fake. We never hang out or call each other. But this also all started bc i won'thave her in my bridal party next year. which cris is fine with that. He knows how much of a "" his sister is.

Well my snl is so self absorbed she has a boyfriend and no matter what any relationship she has been in she always puts him or his family first before her's. Well I contacted her about mother's day telling her what her mother wanted to do and she told me she would let me know she had to talk to her boyfriend and find out what they were doing with his fam. so I waited two days and still never heard anything and I asked my MNL what I should do. So I made reservations for 5 people at the resturant that she wanted to go to. I let my SNL what time and asked if she was coming. She said" I don't know, MY boyfriend hasn't called his mom yet." I told her that Well you have a mom too, and that the reservation was set and that we didn't have enough money to pay for everyone and that her and her boyfriend had to pay for themselves... Well she got mad at me and told me that I was so rude and she didn't have time for this and hung up on me...

Well there are so many other things she has done inthe past. But since my FNL thinks his daughter is a princess and can do nothing wrong and is perfect, he is mad bc we originally made plans to get together for my husbands bday this weekend but bc he is turning 21 now he didn't want to go to his dad's in the morning and I personally didn't want to be with my SNL we were all going to go out to some Garden place to take pics something my husband is not into but I am. so I canceled bc 1 I didn't want to be with the SNL and 2 Hubby didn't want to go anyway... So I told my FNL and he has now accused me of "Division of the family" and that he will not tolerate it.. He said that we have to figure out our differences and get along... Who the is he to tell me that I have to like my SNL!!! Anyone who knows me knows I have so much patience and i love everyone and will do anything for anyone, but she is one person that I cannot stand... I'm not jealous of her at all but my god I can't stand her she is nothing like me she is selfish and only thinks about herself but her father does not agree... So now I am arguing with him about her. My husband even said to his father "you are so blind... you think your daughter can do nothing wrong and she is perfect when in reality she is a ... I love my sister to death but thats the truth." All he said was I don't agree that she is a ... my sis went to school with her and I have a lot of friends also that they cant stand her bc she is too stuck up and thinks she is "Jessica Simpson". its bad... but anyway I just had to vent there is so much more but I'm writing too much to begin with... hope to hear from someone soon

You know venting is an amazing thing isn't it. At the end of it you go, phew..... Sit back and breathe again...lol...

Married civil, something wrong with that? No... In-fact i wanted to go to Hawaii on a beach, (run away), until my Mother kicked up, so it was a beach ceremony in my home town instead.... It rained so that was good luck aparently well maybe for the day, a year, that's a different story...

Mmmm... There always seems to be a "princess".. You can chose your friends, husband but not your/their family i am afraid.

Sounds like you s-i-l was trying to get out of spending Mother's Day with her mum, rather instead her boyfriends and used your comment as an excuse? Did she turn up in the end?

As for your wedding, hard call... We would just love it to be what "we want" it's our day after all. But to exclude part of the family will create a rift on-going. You may have to eat humble pie and think on that one, remembering that you are already married... It may bite you in the bum for years... You could be cute, make them all wear the same colour but pick her gown as a very very lose fitting one, and the other girls, glam.. only joking.

Your husband has to keep defending you when appropriate it's the only way that the waters will calm i think.

She may have a bee in her bonnet as well, a more mature woman, (you), married to her young brother, so she feels a need to constantly defend, , to be the "mature one", although Jessica Simpson may never grow up, or stop being a bimbo...

Bottom line is, your married. It's your lives together, one that is meant to be extremely happy at this time ( congratulations by the way ) don't let others cloud it.... When we do that, our relationships suffer as well.
Somehow you just have to laugh it of, and turn it around, instead of giving advice " well it's your mother to" just say, no prob, we'll book with out you, here's the restaurant and phone number if you change your mind, then let hubby let his family know of that decision, not you...

They may soon see it differently without you imputting, rather agreeing and passing the buck to husb, to inform his family. Your out of it......

At the moment Jessica S, would be going, she was so mean she said, and so i don't want to go, whine, whine, whine...

This way, the parents would have to say what? If coming from a different sorce and she can't belittle you either, food for thought.

CW

Thanks for the advice...

Yes she did end up going on Sun!! oh and get this turns out that her and her boyfriend are going to be getting engaged now too... how ironic. But as for my wedding next year there will be no way at all I can have her in my wedding party, if we can't even get along planning Mother's day how are we going to get along planning my wedding. trust me it wouldn't work plus my sister and my other bridesmaid do not get along with her at all either.

Cris is very good and does stick up for me but there are times that I feel so horrible putting him in the middle of the petty BS with her but I just can't stand her at all. It just makes me more mad too that her father always sticks up for her as well it is so annoying. She can do no wrong and everything that cris does is wrong. its like a no win situation with them.. They are so self absorbed its bad.. but here I go ranting and raving again.

Have her in the wedding party, just for his family's sake. It won't be necessarily that you've picked her, more like you have to. When my hubby and I got married I barely knew his sister and would never have asked her, but I was told by a million people it was proper etiquette to ask her. (well they are very close so it would have been rude but it just never occurred to me to have to ask someone I didn't know well)

Also, think of it this way... you won't have to plan the wedding "with" her. You plan your wedding and you TELL her, this is the dress, these are the shoes, this is how you'll wear your hair, this is what time the limo is coming... etc. You get to call the shots. If she tries to act like a brat her father will have no choice but to see what she's doing.

Its called "keeping the peace" - and it seems like you've been doing it as much a possible. But its very hard to have a happy marriage when you hate your in-laws and the other way around.

Someone once told me, "As long as you do the right thing, you don't have to worry about what anyone else does."

Besides, if you ask her and she says no, who will look bad then?