Thread: To have kids or not to have kids....

Initially I was against having children and also had reservations with regards to the sacrifice and life altering changes. But I was always somewhat facinated by the concept and curious about the prospect. I now have two beautiful daughters who are the center of my universe. The unconditional love and companionship they give me make my life worth living. I have to admit that the life you knew before parenting changes and there are many new challenges to face and struggles to endure. However, the journey of life for me would be much less gratifying without my wife and children walking beside me. Absolutely without hesitation, no regrets!

I can understand why some people might not want to have children and you should never be pressured into becoming a parent. It's a very demanding full time job and you need the patience of a saint at times!

Even as a very young child I could see myself as a mum one day. I used to wash all my dolls clothes and hang them out to dry as if they were my baby's haha- something most little girls probably do. I used to fantasise about what a good mum I'd be to my kids and how much they'd love me etc. I loved to look after other people's kids and did a stint of childminding my 3 year old nephew when I was 16 .

However, looking after my nephew full time took it's toll and put me off having my own (I would recommend the experience to anyone unsure of whether to become a parent). Anyway after this plus a few bad relationships down the line I vowed I would never have kids. EVER. I wasn't even keen on getting into another relationship, but then I met my now hubby. And something inside me clicked.

Maybe it was simply because I'd found a seemingly perfect guy who would so obviously make a great dad... And the ticking of my biological clock that I felt mature enough to cope with the hard work and sleepless nights that parenthood would inevitably bring.

Anyway we decided that we did want kids together, and eventually we had our little boy. And it was the best thing we ever did because between us we have created the most gorgeous, loving, caring, clever little boy. He fills me with happiness and pride every time I look at him and I still can't quite believe he's 'mine', or that I really deserve him. He's the most wonderful gift I could ever have been blessed with.

Growing up, i always new that i wanted kids. i wanted to wait until i was married to the right one and pretty well settled down. Well someone from above had other plans. i was 17 when i got pregnant with my son, i graduated high school that may he was born in september. his dad and i split after he was 5 months so i was left to take care of him on my own. i was scared how was i going to raise this child with a bairly minimum wage job? but it all worked out. it was tough for a while. i had to work 3 jobs just to suppport us (no help from his dad) there were times we had to sleep in my car & other when i didn't know where i would get the money for the next box of diapers. then i got a pretty decent paying job with good benifits and ended up meetin this really nice guy. we were just friend for a while, then dated. somethings happened we split. but still were friends. i joined the air force so i went off for basic training. when i returned home we got back together. he himself had the whole selfish thing going on. he was an only child until he was 16. but now loves my son just like he were his. (should be he take care of him unlike his dad). so the whole selfish thing i pretty much dying. kids are bad at times yes, but to watch them grow and learn. the little things they say. the kiss and hug at night, the simple words i love you mommy with all my heart n much much more. this is the joy and happiness only a child can bring. though things were tough with my son and he does get on my nerves sometimes, i wouldnt trade him for the world. yes sometimes i need alone time, so my boyfriend will take my son outside or for a walk, or one weekend i'll get my mom to watch him. so its not really all that bad. the moment they place that baby in your arm your whole outlook on life your self, everything changes. so never say never, a child is a blessing it is a product of love, a piece of you, something u created. and the most precious give of all. hopefully yall will change your mind trust me you dont know what you missing

I never wanted to have children. I guess I just never felt like I had that mothering instinct, I don't know why really. I've been married twice, my first marriage ended right before I turned 30. I came really close to making the decision to have a child even though I knew I was NOT happy in that marriage. Thank the lord I never missed a pill or changed my mind to go through with it. I ended up leaving and have never regreted it one minute. To think if I had to see my ex for at least 18 years or so until the child grew up just makes me sick to my stomach. I infact on saw him one time after the day I left and that was by accident. That was 17 years ago. I met my current husband in 1991 and he had 3 sons. They lived 3 hours ago and didn't come up to visit too much. They['re all grown now. I love them but they have their own issues and two of them refuse to become responsible adults they're ages 29 and 33.

I have never once regretted not having children. I have a nephew I love like my own. I have friends and family. I don't feel like anything is missing. I"m 46 and going thru menapause and I'm not unhappy at all aabout it. You need to follow your own heart/mind. I new in my heart I should not have married my first husband, but at the time we had beentogether for a couple of years and I didn't want to hurt his feelings!!!! wow that was dumb, I was just miserable for about 7 years of my life. Listen to yourself.

You must realize that you are a parent until the day you die. Everything that happens to your children, if you are a normal parent, will affect you. When they are nice, sweet, successful adults, you will be blessed. But when they are troubled, lost, ill, unhappy, needing money, arrested, divorced, etc, you will experience the heartache. I read once that Ann Landers (I think) took a survey of people with grown children. The were asked if they had a choice, would they still have had children. Seventy percent said NO!

That could be because raising children in the modern world is so hard!

It could also be that the respondents looked at their friends who did not have children and saw what carefree, child-like lives they led for themselves. lol

Whatever you choose, you will have times of regret and times of gladness.

good luck!

wow, kids are a blessing. i have a son and he just turned 1.. hes the most adorable person ever,
myself and my fianace decided not to have kids, or atleast for in the next 10 yrs.... and i got pregnant, to be honest i hated myself and i didnt wan to keep it...
but now his smile is the most beautiful thing ever...
especially when he calls me mama, and come hug and kiss me...

im not gonna lie its hard, and it def. brought me and my fiance closer...

but thats a decision you have to make...
no sleeping late morning, lol
and partying..

Its a very serious question and one that can even be a deal breaker in a marriage. Kids can be so much more then a person you take care of and bring to school. We felt as you did and were in middle age when out of the blue we started taking care of abused kids in the Foster care program. We adopted them (YES they do allow that now) and have never looked back. I hope you can give the option of kinds or not a serious look and try to think ahead of your lives right now. And "maybe" even ponder Foster Care and or Adoption. There are some wonderful children who are in awful fixes and would love to have parents who can feed them regularly, keep them clean and love them. You don't need to be a Saint to seem like one to kids who have been beaten and abused.

hugs - p

Foster care can be a good way to find out what it is like to have kids in the house. For my wife and I it saved us from making a mistake we could never have undone.

But - the foster care system can be very ugly. To us it felt like a machine that ate families. There was no interest in the children, only in following procedures. I had very mixed feelings about my part in it - I thought that I really did help make a little girl's life better - but at the same time I felt like I was working for a monster.