Thread: To have kids or not to have kids....

Those are exactly the kinds of reasons we have for not having kids. We both finished school and he'll be going into law school next year. We both plan on working and so our income will definitely not keep us from having kids....but we want it all to ourselves. But who says that's selfish? And like you said...I'll spoil my nieces and nephews like crazy.

I never wanted children. Just wanted a few dogs, to travel, and relax. I generally don't like children; I liked my friend's kids and my nieces and nephews, but that was it. My husband was in agreement. His family would have a field day with us; "Who's going to take care of you when you're old and he's blind and you're deaf?" Jokes and blah blah blah. People said we were selfish. I said, how are WE selfish? People say, We WANT a baby. I WANT a baby. That's selfish, just having something because you want it, not because you'll be a particularly good parent or that your circumstance in life affords it.

So we were married, got a puppy, travelled, and relaxed. We were far from bored. We don't like a lot of stress (there's enough of that in life in general) and we were just pretty laid back. Then 9-11 happened, and affected us directly. We started to realize that being with our friends and family, and having friends and family, is really the most important thing in life, because you don't know when you may lose that. Not that just the two of us didn't make a family, or make us important, but something just shifted.

So after being married for four years, we started trying for a baby in September of 2002, and we got pregnant on the first try. We have one daughter, for whom I'm very grateful and adore. My daughter is like having a set of boy-and-girl twins. She's full of constant energy, determined, has a stubborn streak, a tomboy and a diva at the same time, and never, ever gets tired of talking or being in motion. I was quiet and read alot. So God has quite a sense of humor.

I will not deny I miss my alone time. There will always be background noise; the Disney channel, the sountrack from Annie; her playing with dolls or Play-doh and talking to herself. I am a stay-at-home mom. I was not given the gift of patience. There are no days off, there is no vacation, no sick time. I go away without my daughter, but I always think of her. You never stop worrying. Even on a day when you'd like to kill them, the minute you're in a crowded place and for a split second you can't see them, your heart freezes with a fear that you've never realized existed in you.

When you watch them sleep, with flushed cheeks and sweaty ringlets and perfect lips and noses, you are overcome with such a deep overwhelming awe that you were given this gift, this person that is half of you, that you don't feel worthy of it. And they let you remember that the world is full of amazing, interesting things. Every thing they discover is like you discovering it for the first time. You get to do silly things like go on carnival rides and go to Disney and see a rated G movie that looks cute and act goofy in the pool, because you're doing it with your child. You become closer with your family.

The Johnson and Johnson commercial that goes, "Having a baby changes everything," is not simplifying it. Your life changes totally and completely and is not really what it was before. But in the best of ways, in ways you can't understand unless you do it.

One little side note about the money... babies aren't that expensive. They aren't. If you have to work and put the baby in daycare, okay, there's a monthly expense of anywhere from $500-$1,000. But my daughter hasn't impeded any dream I've had of doing anything. Spontaneous sex and anything else you want does happen with children. I still have my fabulous shoes and flat-screen tvs and Louis Vuitton bags and go on vacation. You just figure it all out.

She'll be in school full-time next year, and I'll have my days all to myself. She'll get home at three every day. And as much as I'm looking forward to that, I know I'm going to miss her. If I got to go back and do it again, I don't think I'd change anything at all.

The only thing I have ever wanted was a house full of screaming brats

The moment I got pregnant I was estactic! ...and now that my daughter is 10months I want to have another... In February we plan on trying again

I wanted to have a total of 6 all my life, however I'm only able to have 3 now (C-Sections)... and odd numbers scare me, so I'll only have one more.

Having a baby after wanting one all your life is the greastest thing that that can happen... however...

I'm still young and want to go out sometimes but I can't because I have to stay home with a baby, or find a babysitter. Usually my father fills in for me, but still kinda feel guilty for leaving my baby sometimes. And knowing that I can't go out just because I feel like it is hard too.

I can understand how many people don't want kids... but I'd never trade my daughter in for anything. I don't mind not going out all the time, and I love dressing her up and don't mind changing diapers, I already have money plans for school and medical... this is my dream.

I know someone who got pregnant by accident and had an abortion when she was younger. She quickly got her tubes tied so that wouldn't happen again. She is now in her early 40's. She says that she loves kids, and though sometimes she feels sad that she never had any of her own, she really doesn't think she could commit to being a parent. When she feels down about never having her own kids, she volunteers in different countries working with kids (that's how we met) and after a month of that she is happy again that she never devoted her whole life to parenting. She has her own bussiness and travels often, she has nice house and I think I remember her saying she had a large dog. That was always her dream.

I think that if someone should really want kids before they have them. It would be hard if you resented your child for not being able to go out with the girls, for example. Kids pick up on that kind of thing.

Dream about where you want your life to go. When your 50 years old, where do you see yourself? Do kids fit into all your life plans?

Either way, you shouldn't feel bad for not wanting them, and keeping an open mind is a good idea, and day dream about your life often... even if you don't ever think your dreams will come true, it helps to figure out what you may or may not want.