So as some of you that have read my other posts may already know, I have a wonderful bf who has a wonderful son that I love very much. Now I am new to this whole "mothering" thing, and i really, really hate yelling and being mean. When I was a child I was very sensitive and I would bawl my face off when my mom yelled at me (not so much when my dad did, but then he yelled a lot more). So basically I try not to get frustrated or to raise my voice at the little boy. Now my bf says I am "too soft" and "too nice" and I let him get away with too much. He's not making a big deal of it, and I know that he really appreciates that I love his son so much, but at the same time I feel like i"m kind of stuck. I feel stuck for two reasons: #1 - I don't like disciplining a child in front of their parent. I feel awkward and like I am overstepping my bounds and #2 - I don't like aggressive behaviour in any way, even if it is "necessary". Don't get me wrong. My bf is an amazing dad and his son never gets upset when he "gets in trouble" the way I used to...he's a bit ADD and needs things to be drilled a little more forcefully, I think. But what do I do? Should I try to be more of an authority figure, or should I bow out and play the role of "nice guy" because this really isn't my child to raise, at least not at this point? Help please! I don't want to do the wrong thing.

You say that you are afraid that you will over step your bounds, apparently you haven't yet because your boyfriend says you are to soft. Sit down with him, express your fears and ask him what he expects of you, how much of a part he wants you to take.

I'd hope that he expects you to have some kind of influence there as there may be times that you are left alone with the little fellow.

On another note, I know exactly what you are dealing with where ADD is concerned. My oldest child was ADHD, he was non-stop. We found that the best (or worst in his mind) discipline in lieu of a spanking was to make him sit still in a chair for a set amount of time when he got in trouble. Thank goodness he grew out of it for the most part - still has attention problems somewhat but the hyperactivity is pretty much gone.

hi, I think it is a easy problem .
just take away the thing he loves most and put it in time out. yes put the game boy, play station, x-box..., in time out , it is so easy to talk to them when there "thing" is involved!
I have two kids, it works,even the cell phone gets taken

Very true... If your BF is hinting what he wants but not totally expressing then give him a helping had.... He wants to discuss, he is in his way but probably has a fear of how you will react, so hints... Remember that last bit, so be gentle, you are in nature obviously.

Mickey : - Are you suggesting take away their priviledges if they mis-behave? And, then try to talk to them?

I can only say as an adult? With all due respect, my parents threatening in front of me with a fire burning to burn my favourite doll? Imagine at such a young age? I am sorry but i have never forgotten that, lucky i know it's a doll, not real, i worked that part out later, no sweat...

Just saying, sure i believe phsycologically that would assume the role of master and consequently the will and desire to have that privilage back, so behaviour.. But physocologically? My "Opinion only", anger, or don't like you or , you wait attitude... has to build if this is the only "management" set in place?

Resentment.

Sorry, see your kids are young and this is your method... Not knocking that, but as you made a statement persay, then i'm telling it as an adult on how that feels as a child...

That's what discussions, disputes are about... Nothing other than that...

CW

i think its better for you to keep up the way you discipline him. ...don't role play anything, you being the "nice" brings an equilibrium to the whole scenario, kids need that.