Three years ago, after my mother-in-law died, a family meeting was called so my father-in-law could let us know his wishes and desires regarding her belongings and how he wanted things handled at the time of his death. There was talk between the siblings about who wanted what, and I used an example (probably a poor one), that what if Sue, Tim and I wanted a certain vase - how would it be determined who got the vase. I was then verbally attacked by my brother-in-law, Tim, and told that I was not a part of the family and I had no right to anything anyway. Then my sister-in-law Sue chimed in agreeing with Tim, and my husband didn't open his mouth. At that time, I thought I was a part of the family (married 27 years, always helping my mother-in-law with cleaning, gardening - my sisters-in-law were not there for her). So from that point forward during the meeting, I didn't say a word. I left the meeting hurt, #1-being told I wasn't a part of the family (blood relative) and #2 my husband not standing up for me during the meeting.

Now, three years later, my 90 year old father-in-law sold his house and is getting ready to move a couple minutes away from us into a senior apartment complex. A lot of help is needed-packing, sorting through, garage sale, transportation needs for people to help out, etc. Because I was told that I'm not a part of the family, I haven't been too eager to help out. I'm starting to feel like maybe I should rise above the insult and hurt and help out with the packing, sorting, etc.

Should I rise above and be the better person to help my father-in-law?? Should I continue to carry these hurt feelings? Or should I just sit back and let them all carry on with little or no help from me? I think it is a little late now to address the hurt feelings as so much time is past and my husband seems to think I'm just too darn sensitive. Any help is greatly appreciated as the move occurs on June 23 - just a little over two weeks away.

Hi Shar.

Well what matters is what's in your soul, heart.

When your father-in-law passes, you will always know, just like with his wife, you were there till the end, regardless of words spoken and you will always be able to walk with your head held high...and a knowledge that even though you've been hurt, you did not allow that "evil side of words spoken" cloud who you are inside....

It sounds to me that you are a giving person by nature, so give.

That would be what i would do.

Your husband on the other hand maybe should have said something but it's always difficult in family situations..

Just as much as you could have stated at the time, well, she was special to me and the vase would have been a terrific reminder of her to both myself and my husband as it would have sat proud..

That of course would have shut them up.

I am a believer of giving back, in such a way, that floors people when mis-judged....by being straight forward but very nice...

Hope this helped a little, but this is just my Opinion only.

CW