Thread: Problem with sister in law

I have a sister in law who in the past would sometimes say thoughtless judgmental things that were occasionally mean and it would bother me (obviously). Until now, I never thought any of these incidents was worth confronting her as i thought it would solve nothing. So, I would let most of it go for the good of our husbands relationship (who are also brothers). We weren't best friends and I only spoke to or saw her maybe monthly or every few weeks, so it wasn't a big deal. However, in order for me to let go, i would often vent to a trusted friend and once I vented, I let go and moved on. My trusted friend (who i am no longer friends with), cornered my sister in law in a bar and told her all of the things I said, twisting a lot of it, taking it out of context and even making up a few things. This obviously bothered my sister in law. However, rather than dealing with it by constructively confront me, she came to my house on New Year's Eve under the guise of friendship, waited until I had much to drink and our husbands were out of the room to pounce. She laid this all on me and told me that she believed that i said all of these things, etc., etc.

Now her and her husband think I'm a terrible person and my husband's relationship with his brother is somewhat strained. My relationship with both of them is non-existent.

So, I can't necessarily give the big apology that I guess she wants because I don't feel that I did anything wrong except trust the wrong person. Also, I can't deny a lot of it, because I actually did say some of it in anger while venting. Finally, I don't think it will be productive to re-hash what caused me to say anything that I did, since backing her into a corner won't solve anything.

What I want it for my husband to have a better relationship with his brother, to feel comfortable extending invitations to them again to family functions, start getting invitation to functions that we know we are excluded from, for her to stop avoiding me and for the continued "unsaid" judgment from them and subtle jabs to stop.