dads new girlfriend

**eannmarie5** · 07-25-2008 01:43 PM

i need help...... my mom did when i was just 12 of cancer leaving me a very bitter little girl. i am now 17 and i am still so mad and upset over the loss of my mother...she was my number 1 in the world... i feel that i cn never move on...i am stuck in a rut! i feel like my whole family is moving on my sister has now a serious relationship and my brother is heading out 2 sea 4 a year and finally my father has started seeing some 1....this is extremally hard 4 me 2 accept...as my mother and father loved eachother deeply and our family was their worlds but after my mom died our lifes just fell appaart with rows espically between my brother and father.... my father has beening seeing her now 4 a couple of months and i know it is selfish of me but i dont like it..i used 2 be so close 2 my dad and now we row all the time just like my brother and him...we will fight over any small thing.... i try 2 be nice and all the rest but i am just so bitter like this was never in the stream line 4 my family the thought of my dad being with some1 else was just silly 2 every1! the reason i am writting this is to ask if people think i should meet her 2 put my heartacke 2 rest and also to say that my brother still doesnt know but when he does find out it will probally break us as a family... my father is resisting telling him and i wnt him 2 say something as i hatte lying 2 him...this causes yet more fights....shall i tell my brother as he is heading out 2 sea in a few weeks or will i just leave it up 2 dads own time which i know in my heart and soul is no time soon! help!!!!!!!!!

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 07-25-2008 04:39 PM

It is never easy to lose a parent, not matter at what age.

Your parents as you state "loved each other", that in itself is special and i can tell you that your Mother will never, ever, be forgotten by your father.

I can also say that if they "loved each other", your Mother would not want him to be lonely, sad and on his own for the rest of his life, rather have company of another woman and be happy.

It is selfish when children can't see that adults need love just as much as you do, they can't spend all of their life only giving it to their children, but not as easy to let go off course for you.

But, you have to and you have to understand that your Mother would have wanted him to.

As, for telling your brother. I understand that you are lying but your not exactly, your simply choosing not to divuldge what you know.

Let your father do it when he is ready and if your brother says anything to you, let him know that you felt that "dad" had to tell him not you, plus it might not have lasted and you'd be away and worry for no reason...

It's your father's life, he is the person that has the right to discuss things with his children so let it be.

CW

**Fire(m)** · 07-25-2008 06:31 PM

eannmarie5.

I too have been in your shoes. My mom died and my dad got REMARRIED within a year and a half of my mom's death. Like you I had the most awesome mom I could imagine. I am much older than you, but let me share some wisdom with you.

Whether you like it, or accept it or whatever, your dad will do what he thinks is fit. The BEST thing you can do is to do what you would like him to do when YOU get a boyfriend. Support him AND HER. Even though it's tough. I know how tough. Trust me. BUT, you should support them and hopefully when you get a boyfriend some day, they will support you the same way.

Don't let your dad be responsible for keeping your family going. YOU be responsible for it. YOU make your family stay close. YOU CAN DO IT BY YOURSELF! Then you'll be really proud of yourself. Your family will be close and your mom will look down from heaven and know that YOU did he right thing.

Nothing will ever take your love for your mom away. No one will ever replace her...so you don't have to fight the concept of your dad having a partner. She will never replace your mom, she's just a partner for him...and I'm sure you'd like for him to be happy. I understand the problem though. I know it's hard for you. It was equally hard for me, but in hindsight, I could have made things a lot easier on myself if I had known back then what I know now.

This is why I tell you these things. Good luck. If you'd care to discuss some more, feel free. We're here for you.

Cheers.

**damd** · 07-30-2008 02:54 PM

I can only imagine how it must feel. I would think it was a betrayal of your mother's memory for your father to seek out another woman. The lost of someone so special and at a time in your life when you were going through changes. Changes that only a woman can understand and only a mother can help a daughter with. Now, your dad is with somone else. How dare he bring someone else into you home. Your mother's home. Touching and kissing another person the same way he used to kiss and hold your mom. It's a betrayal. Your mother must be crying her eyes out. But I think CW and Fire are right. Your mom isn't crying about your father, she is crying about you and your brother. She crying that she had to leave you. She is crying over the pain that she caused and the condition that the family is in. She is crying that you have mourned for so long. When someone loves another, truley loves someone. All you want to see is that person happy, even if that means with out you. Your mom wants you, your brother and especialy your father to be happy. I know it's hard for you to understand, but when you find someone that you truley love, you will see.

Best wishes to you

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