Sister in law from down under
I have a sister in law that has now officially moved into my kids play house out back in our yard,it is like a small cabin. She is sneeky and controlling,and lies her heart out to make herself be the angel or the highlight of the day. She is sick mentally from to many drugs in the past and her life is the shits,but she lives that way to get money from her parents.She is 45 years old.We farm with my husbands mom and dad and two seperate yards.She just decided she would stay here not even asking and if we say anything to my husbands parents they will freak on our butts.She think she owns us and our possessions,and things through out the year disapear fom our house. She is controlling and makes us feel like around everyone. We have two children and last sumer she comes screaming through the trees screaming come here you little fu"""" I'll kill you.Ishe grabbed my sons arm and I told her to go back to her mom and dads house.She wait til her father that just had recovered from a heart attack a week before ,they pulled up and she made herself start crying and told her mom and dad I told her to get the off the farna nd never come back which was a lie. her father came over freaked on me and we finally told him after he cooled off what happened. Now till this day she shows up moves in to the play house and now partyies all the time and lies about job interviews all the time,never shows up the next day and her parents are always worried.She steals,she was diagnosed as a depressant and she refuses to take any pills her doctor gave her ,she says she is not sick.She gets fired from every job she ever hold and blames it on someone else of course from the job,and says she had to quit.We just had a family reunion this weekend and she is driving me nuts?Please can anyone help me out,I want her to move and go away.She free loads off of her mom and dad ,fills up her car at the pumps any time she wants and steals from here.She enters my house when no one is here.She is scarey and controlling and she thinks she is so tough of after all she weighs a whole 90 lbs and looks like a skinny ethopian.Does any one have any suggestions in how to get her to move out of here?help ! I cna't say anything to her mom and dad they will stick up for her,cause they are so scared she will commit suicide.
HELP ME PLEASE!
I'm a little confussed on the arrangements here...
You and your husband have a farm, next to your huband's parents farm, and your husband's sister is staying in your yard (play house)? How big are we talking here? Was this your in-law's property at one time? Are they finacial;ly supporting you, or have ever, in any way?
Just trying to get the picture here.
Mmm, so the picture i get is you and your husband work together in adjoining lots farming say vegetables/cows, chickens?
Your sister -in - law basically freeloads from place to place, preferring to stay in "private space" your kids play house which is built like a little cabin so big enough as if it was a bedroom?
Why does she enter your house? Does she have a key? I appreciate farming means no neighbours and probably doors un-locked so change that, lock them.
Your husband's parents i am assuming know she doesn't come home but does not know where she stays and you feel you can't tell them because of the thefts and abuse to your kids, therefore, you don't say anything full stop...
It is their responsibility to understand the problems of their daughter. That being that she refuses to seek help, and prefers to opt for a life of a vagabond with medical problems. She has been diagnosed but refuses to take tablets and the parents are too frightened she will commit suicide okay, but if they don't help her she will anyway... She hasn't got a life, she is just living.
I think you need to have a family meeting and come clean, and tell them that you can't take responsibility for her and that she needs help and if they don't help her, by admitting her perhaps to hospital where she has to take medication for a period and change, then they are helping her kill herself anyway, do they want that on their conscious and just ignore the evident as well as destroy their son's life as well whilst he suffers with not knowing what to do?
Your in a hard place but you need to make his parents understand that they are doing worse, than good by ignoring the facts for "both of their children"'
Download stories of what happens to people in this state that don't get help and put it in their letterbox..
Ignorance is not going to fix the problem and they have created a second one, your husband and the pain he is going through with his family.
Lock the doors of your house and lock the cabin as well for a period so she has no choice but to go back home, she may retaliate expect that as well, but she will have no choice.
Best of luck.
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
I can't talk to her mom and dad about any of this ,because they will get mad at us and say they need to help her this way. She has no home and no money.She says she goes for job interviews but lies and lives off of us.We farm and live in our own house,we pay our own bills and lives. But his parents are they generation ,that think they have to protect her and make excuses for her all the time.She is so emtionally wacked and thinks she is the bomb around everyone.No job no money s any man that will give her something and I don't want this around my family.My husband and I have lived on the farm for 14 years no and taking overr the farm,but still feel we have no descion for anything that goes on around us here?Talking to his parents is out of the question. My children are not aloud to go with her anywhere anytime,unless one of us are there with her. I don't understand ,her parents admitted to us "we know she is sick and needs help by keeping her close we can help her this way. Bull excuse I think.She acts like she is so much better than all and could not ever do anything wrong inthis world. She starts to cry out of the blue over stuff. She lives in a play house that is half the size of a bedroom no water no nothing,and has stairs to a second level big enough for a child to play with toys on the floor.She is so skinny ,she parades around in our backyard in a bikini and looks like a man's bodylike a skeleton,very grose.I know years ago she was diagnosed with terrible depression that she was so high on drus she was put into a hospital and they put her on drugs to help.Then someone in the family took her out and she would not continue to take her medication. She would find a job and at this same time of the year every year she would say someone at work got her fired or it was someone else got her fired. She moves homeand does this over and over.This has being going for over 16 years now and before my husband and I have been together. Why do they contue to take care of her the wrong way and if I was to ask them they would get so upset with me.Before I knew about the true story how she works everyone.I use to send her money because she was raising a daughter and would phone my husband and I and we woul feel sorry for her. Then we found out she was using it for drugs.Everytime she would have sex with someone she would say to us I just got raped again by this guy or another or another guy.She owuld lie she was raped so many times she couldn't get remember what she had lied about before and we started to understand she lies so much. Her father had a heart attack last year ,he is 70 but still ok to this day. Her mother is slowly getting alzeimers at 69. Who is to talk care of her when they are gone. She came on to the farm and all of a sunden she told us,she will be moving here if her dad dies first to look after her mother or visa versa.When they both die she said she will not be living in a ditch,she wants the house her parents are living in. So my husband went over and talk to his parents about the whole situation and in the will we have the whole farm with both houses,but that could change right.It seems she is back stabbing us and making us look bad all the time to get credit for something ! This is such a hard situation.I don't want it into my life,it is so hard on everyone to be walking around on pins and needles all the time.How would anyone deal with this I don't know what to do?Please help me someone.
I guess I don't understand why she is living in your back yard and not with her parents? You say they want to help her but this is the way they are chosing do it? I think CW suggested that you should change the locks, do it. If her parents want her around then they need to take her in, or she needs to go find some other place.
What is your husband's thoughts on this matter? Is he with you or is he torn because this is his sister?
Sounds like you guys need to pull an intervention. To make that happen....try talking to your in-laws about her drug habits...if she has any. I hate to say this...but to get somewhere, you're going to have to kind of play her game....YOU need to act like the angel.
And ya know...you are totally not alone....my sister is 30 years old, has 2 kids...and is living with my mom, step-dad, younger brother and I....In a 3 bedroom house...and she doesnt even buy groceries.....if you need someone to vent to...Im here for you.
she is 45 and never had it together? Now I can be as compassionate as the next person, but she has threatened your kids, and brought extreme turmoil to your home, so mercy is no longer an option.
get a restraining order, then call the police and have her arrested for trespassing. You, your husband and your kids deserve better and should feel safe in your own home. Too bad if her parents get upset at you, this is part their fault and they are "offing" her to you.
Ant
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