Thread: my boyfriend's need or all the men' need ?

Originally Posted by OhThereYouAre

So simply because I have an insecurity, that gives me reason to discount anything that anyone else says if it addresses said insecurity....especially if I'm a woman?

Absolutely not. But the point I was trying to make is that people who are already quite insecure will have a very difficult time to discount the harmful, negative things that someone else says... say in the poster's case, when a woman who already is underweight is told by her boyfriend that she needs to lose weight. If she is already insecure about her body size/shape, her heeding his "advice" could be dangerous, could cause health problems (some more severe than problems caused by being overweight), could lead her to develop an eating disorders in order to meet his standards, etc.

Originally Posted by OhThereYouAre

It isn't society's duty to tip toe around people's insecurities. The world would be a better place if people took constructive criticism more constructively.

Key word here being CONSTRUCTIVE criticism - if the poster had weight to lose, the boyfriends criticism could be considered constructive IF he worded it in a loving and tactful way. Or if the boyfriend had mentioned that she could tone up, but no - he told an already underweight woman to lose more weight.

Originally Posted by OhThereYouAre

Furthermore....folks shouldn't be so blindsided by a conditon that is as controllable as being overweight.

Again, in general - I would agree that someone overweight should be offended by the suggestion that they get to a healther weight. but in the specific poster's case, she's 5'3" and 110 lbs. Her being blindsided by her boyfriend's request for her to lose weight is not out of the question. She is in no way, shape, or form overweight by ANY medical standards. And her boyfriend suggesting she LOSE weight (not tone up, not eat healthier - LOSE WEIGHT) is unhealthy and should be met with a negative reaction

Originally Posted by OhThereYouAre

Either way. He's entitled to his opinion and entitled to share his preferences. Branding someone a dud simply for voicing their opinion on their significant other's body type seems very close minded.



...

I am one of those folks who chooses to mire in the "slim pickens" and i've been fortunate to experience a lot to choose from.

Branding someone a dud for voicing his opinion is only closed minded when that opinion is constructive and not a superficial attempt for someone to influence their SO to meet their unhealthy standards. If this guy was dating a 5'3" 250 lb woman his suggestions that she lose weight would not be so unwarranted. But she is not that size. And because he wants her to become unhealthy to suit his preferences makes him a dud.

I am glad you have been able to find mates that suit your preferences. However, I would hope that you met them and were pleased with the size/shape they were at the time, and did not start dating a "work in progress" that you planned to pressure into becoming your ideal body shape. Furthermore, I would hope that your ideal body shape is not such that your SO would have to lose so much weight that she would become unhealthy.