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husband wants me to have sex with black lover

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  • husband wants me to have sex with black lover

    Hi I'm Karen I've been with my husband for over 20 years I was shocked when he told me he had a fetish that he would like to see me have sex with a younger black man and told me lots of couples do it and it good to spice up a relationship I was a bit confused at first but after a good long chat with him I was starting to get aroused by it I do look at hot black men has anyone else done this and if so did it work or split the relationship up.

  • #2
    Do you have kids? Is this really the first you've heard of his fetish? Have you or he EVER been unfaithful? Or talked about a more "open" marriage?
    Last edited by Little; 06-16-2014, 06:42 PM. Reason: rude, unnecessary

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    • #3
      Hi no he can't have kids I never heard of this fetish we never had an open marriage

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      • #4
        I am having trouble wrapping my brain around this. You have been in a monogamous marriage for 20 years. No discussion of having an open marriage. Out of the blue, your husband reveals that he wants to see you have sex with a young black stud. Your initial reaction was confusion and now you think its hot? You think everyone does this, not just in the fantasy land of porn films?

        Before I can even intelligently respond, are the two of you having marital problems? Did you ask your husband why he needs to see another man touch you? Why, other than for stereotypic reasons, the man needs to be younger or black? Have you two tried any other means to spice up your sex life?
        "The only consistent feature of all of your dissatisfying relationships is you." Despair.com "Dysfunction"

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        • #5
          Kaz, you have all of 2 posts here and we know nothing about you apart from the snippet of info provided.

          I'm another guy, and I'll hitch my cart to Effy's horse. It sounds rather weird, out of the blue, after 20 years. My wife has been my wife for about 10 years, half the duration of your marital relationship. If my wife told me tomorrow she'd find it hot to see me with a black woman (or any other woman, for that matter), I would really wonder if I knew my wife at all.

          While it might sound superficially titillating for a guy to hear his wife tell him to go ahead and have sex with another woman, I know that in my case, it is not something I would want license to do and I would regard the giving of license to likely be more antithetical to our marriage than enhancing same.
          I do not grow old; if I stop growing, I am old.

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          • #6
            Man, this question sure comes up a lot on this forum
            "Are you serious? You're bleeping THAT girl?" - jen1447

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            • #7
              Yup. This is a great example for those that think porn is ruining our brains. People have a hard time distinguishing between fact and fantasy.
              "The only consistent feature of all of your dissatisfying relationships is you." Despair.com "Dysfunction"

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              • #8
                It's also a good example of what we were talking about in the other thread as far as taking a wait and see approach ....I was gonna reply to this yesterday but then figured I'd hold off. Might still be a good discussion, as I do believe this is a legitimate 'thing' for a lot of people.
                Woman trapped inside a woman's body!

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                • #9
                  I enjoyed the few prior threads about bringing a third part into the bedroom (I think it was the MFM). It was thought provoking. Even if not pure fantasy, I find the overtones this thread to be very misogynistic. Maybe akin to the "watch her ******************** be destroyed" porn. Never understood it.
                  "The only consistent feature of all of your dissatisfying relationships is you." Despair.com "Dysfunction"

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                  • #10
                    It seems to me like the trends that can't be ignored are that this sort of thing almost always involves a presumably white woman having sex with a black man, and that it's always a fantasy of the male for his female partner and/or a fantasy of the female to do herself, at the expense of her male partner. I don't think I've ever heard of a woman having this specific fantasy with the roles reversed, and for that matter I don't remember seeing it in lesbian or bisexual contexts. (Can't speak to whether or not it's so with gay men.) So I guess I'm curious why it's seems only white people have the fantasy, why the third party always has to be a black guy, and why it's always the female doing the extracurriculars.

                    It's actually typical in the cuckold lifestyle (but not universal) for the partners the "hotwife" sleeps with to be black men. They're commonly called "bulls," which seems to suggest potency. Do white men feel inferior to black men sexually, and if so, why? And why would that inferiority complex manifest as a sexual fetish? I think we've asked this before but I'm still curious.

                    I think there is a cultural trend afoot (and has been for some time) to celebrate and praise and hold in high regard the supposed sexual virility of black men, tho I'm not sure why that is. Media? Music videos of well-built black guys with lots of bling surrounded by women of all colors are pretty common, and while you see white men in similar contexts, I wouldn't say the level of regard is as high. (For example rappers ....with the exception of Eminem, most white guys who rap seem to be considered posers.) Somehow the specific topic of this thread seems a bit more seedy than just a basic generalization like that could account for tho. In a strange way it's almost objectification, much like traditionally happened with women and porn.

                    What confuses the issue even more is that there does seem to be a trend among black men in the last decade or two to "get white women," almost like it's a retaliatory thing, as if the objective is at least in part to shame white men - which seems to have a parallel to the fetish of white men being shamed. So is this fantasy the result of the perception of emerging black male sexual dominance? Or are black men perceived to be emerging sexually dominant as a result of some proclivity on the part of white men to be passive?

                    I'm obviously just throwing stuff out there for the purpose of discussion so don't take any of it too seriously and don't get offended please.
                    Woman trapped inside a woman's body!

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                    • #11
                      I'll speculate.

                      I think "sex" has been oversold to everyone.

                      It goes like this:

                      The media is financed by advertisers who want to sell stuff. The media has to stoke our sense of discontent so the advertisers can sell us stuff that purportedly will assuage our discontent. And so the cycle goes.

                      Sex in the media is presented in the same way that material goods are-- better than what we've got. Seriously, have you ever seen sex presented the way YOU have sex? Sure, you may have GREAT sex, but can you ever say you've done it the way it's portrayed in the media? Clean, perfect, mutually and simultaneously earth-shatteringly satisfying. Have you EVER seen a sex scene (other than one that wasn't specifically intended to make you uncomfortable) that you didn't think, "I'd like to do it like that?" or "I'd like to get THAT reaction from my partner."

                      The result of all this is that many people think, I'm not enough to give my partner that kind of pleasure. So women start enhancing things with diets, make-up, wax, clothing and surgery. And men start enhancing things with pills, pumps and implants.

                      Everyone ends up insecure and feeling inferior.

                      Most decent men desperately want to please their wives --- sexually and otherwise. In fact, one of the greatest turn-ons for a man is seeing that pleasure in his woman's face.

                      Then men come up with the idea/fantasy that the reason they don't see the media version of pleasure in their partner's face during sex is because somehow he doesn't measure up -- ie, he isn't "manly" or big enough. Thus, a solution to the problem is to find the most "manly" specimen to provide the pleasure he can't.

                      And who can fault his belief that the black man is the most "manly" guy there is? Aren't most of the pro athletes in "powerful" sports black men? Doesn't the media perpetuate that stereotype?

                      Fortunately, most men realize that the portrayal of sex in the media isn't real and that there's more to a woman's pleasure than size and force. Nonetheless, the "fantasy" has it's libidinal appeal for some men.

                      Which, IMO (sorry Little), is exactly what this OP (most likely a male) was going for at our expense.

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Pollon View Post
                        Sure, you may have GREAT sex, but can you ever say you've done it the way it's portrayed in the media? Clean, perfect, mutually and simultaneously earth-shatteringly satisfying.
                        I've had some pretty satisfying sex. It's rare that sex is not pretty awesome.

                        I don't buy into the modern, western concept of race, so that stuff just misses me nowadays.
                        "Those sowing seed with tears
                        Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Pollon View Post

                          Most decent men desperately want to please their wives --- sexually and otherwise. In fact, one of the greatest turn-ons for a man is seeing that pleasure in his woman's face.
                          While I agree with some of what you wrote (especially about the OP), I disagree completely with the motive. I think most men could care less about pleasing their women. The other men, represented by most of the men here, care a great deal that WE please our women. We wouldn't leave any stone unturned, trick undone or toy unused in our efforts. But I dare say that, for me, using a surrogate would not be under consideration. Thinking about another man being intimate with my SO or thinking that she would be thinking about another man when we made love, would kill the relationship. I want to out the smile on her face not anyone else. Call me selfish.

                          There was another thread similar to this in which many theories were postulated. One real possibility is a cuckhold fetish where the man gets off on being humiliated and made to watch. Another goes in the completely opposite direction, that the fantasy is entirely misogynistic, where the man wants to see his chattel used for pleasuring others. There may be voyeur component. But I do not think it is looking for her pleasure ... it is all about fulfilling the fantasy of the husband.
                          "The only consistent feature of all of your dissatisfying relationships is you." Despair.com "Dysfunction"

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by jen1447 View Post
                            For example rappers ....with the exception of Eminem, most white guys who rap seem to be considered posers.) Somehow the specific topic of this thread seems a bit more seedy than just a basic generalization like that could account for tho. In a strange way it's almost objectification, much like traditionally happened with women and porn.

                            What confuses the issue even more is that there does seem to be a trend among black men in the last decade or two to "get white women," almost like it's a retaliatory thing, as if the objective is at least in part to shame white men...
                            Ok, first the white rapper thing. I get why you would think that; heck, I used to think that. But I've talked to quite a few black Brooklyners who said they loved Vanilla Ice's "Ice Ice Baby" and there was nobody in their neighborhood that didn't (I bring this up because Vanilla Ice was the first white rapper). To many people, music has no color lines. What made the Brooklyners eventually dislike Vanilla Ice and consider him a poser was over an incident that was rumored to happen where he got "punk'd" by a rap music mogul. Brooklyners at that point viewed Vanilla Ice as soft and unworthy. Brooklyners hate soft.

                            Second, about the trend of black guys dating white women... Well, I feel like that trend has plateaued or lost momentum (at least in Los Angeles). GF and I were in Santa Monica on Sunday and we both observed how many white guys we saw with black women. It was one after the other. There was salsa dancing on the street and, just there alone, we saw three white guys each with a black date doing salsa dancing.

                            I have made one other observation, and I hope I do not catch any flak for this... Typically, the black guys I see that end up with white women have paired with a white woman that is, in my opinion, on a lower tier than the black guys are in terms of looks. I mean, I've seen them choose white women that are way down there as far as looks go. I can speak to this because I am comfortable enough with my masculinity to judge whether I think a guy is hot or not. The white men, on the other hand, are usually with some pretty darn good looking black women. The white man that is with that good looking black woman ain't too bad himself. I actually have noticed black men look at these couples with resentment.

                            These are just my observations in Los Angeles and I do not intend to draw any conclusions from them. I am not that interested in drawing any conclusions from them either.
                            "Are you serious? You're bleeping THAT girl?" - jen1447

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                            • #15
                              SA, I think your "lower tier" judgement goes back to earlier conversations about whether or not beauty is objective. There are probably women you'd think were knockouts that I'd think were average and vice versa.

                              Then there are other aspects beyond physical beauty that attract. Like maybe your "higher tier black" man and the "lower tier white" woman were loyal childhood friends.
                              "Those sowing seed with tears
                              Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126

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