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I screwed up... need some help bouncing back!

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  • I screwed up... need some help bouncing back!

    So... there has never been trust issues in my marriage. We have a very solid marriage. I recently had a weird feeling that something was up with my husband because he was being a little weird/secretive with his phone. I don't know why I didn't trust him because he has never ever given me a reason to doubt him, but I asked to see his phone and he kept trying to get around it until I kind of snapped and finally got him to give in. We ended up in a fight over it, and the only reason he was keeping it from me was because he was planning a surprise party for me with two of my friends and my mother. Not only did I begin to accuse him of being shady but I also ruined the surprise and I'm so angry with myself for not trusting him. It's only been a day but things still aren't 100% right between us right now because of some things I said to him.

    Any suggestions about where to go from here? I've apologized and tried to make things right. He's not at all being a jerk to me, but he's definitely still bothered and has kind of kept his distance from me in the last day or so. I screwed up and he didn't deserve the lack of trust.

  • #2
    Take some quiet time to to search yourself through and meditate on why you distrusted him. Once you figure it out, wait for the right time, pour your heart out, beg his forgiveness, tell him how worthy of your trust he is, and don't do it again.

    That's what I'd do.
    "Those sowing seed with tears
    Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126

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    • #3
      Well Cape I agree with Stillness give hubby a few days to cool off. Then spoil him with a nice dinner and romantic evening. Then with a deep hearted sincere apology tell him you will never doubt him again with being unfaithful to you.I can understand your hubby being upset as this had to hurt him very deeply that you didn't trust him. I think you know what to do and you will get it done. Good luck I know you will work it all out. ; - )
      When out driving always turn left. Then, should you become lost, you can find your way home by reversing the procedure and always turning right.

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      • #4
        The old adage - time and tide waits for no man. In my way of thinking I'd say you over thought what was going on. I never check my husband's cell phone or mail or computer e-mail and I have all his passwords. I just know that #1 he'd not be sneaky that way. #2 if something were going on I'm certain I'd know about it by other means. Unrecognizable charges to our credit cards, not being where he stated he'd be going, coming home late or even starting to go out on his own. In the absence of any of those things happening I wouldn't need or want to check his phone.

        Was there any other issues going on at the time? Were you feeling insecure for some other reason?

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        • #5
          We all have our insecurities and some of them are deeply rooted and have zero to do with our current mate. No matter how great a situation is, those deep rooted insecurities can pop back up. You're obviously very in tune with your guy and you KNEW he was hiding something, so kudos to your intuition on that one. The unfortunate part is that he was hiding something but it was something special for you.

          I think all you can do is what you're doing.......... in a grounded and non emotional sort of way, sincerely apologize and tell him what you told us, that he didn't deserve that mistrust. And then try hard to not beat yourself up over it for too long.
          "Be what you're looking for."

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Claret View Post
            The old adage - time and tide waits for no man. In my way of thinking I'd say you over thought what was going on. I never check my husband's cell phone or mail or computer e-mail and I have all his passwords. I just know that #1 he'd not be sneaky that way. #2 if something were going on I'm certain I'd know about it by other means. Unrecognizable charges to our credit cards, not being where he stated he'd be going, coming home late or even starting to go out on his own. In the absence of any of those things happening I wouldn't need or want to check his phone.

            Was there any other issues going on at the time? Were you feeling insecure for some other reason?
            I was so out of line to not trust him. I've never gone through his phone and I'm sure he hasn't gone through mine. He's not a flirt with other women. He's a great great guy and I could just tell something was out of the ordinary. Now... I still feel bad for ruining the surprise, but he came around and started teasing me about it so he's over it (but I'm not 100%). I honestly can't believe any ill thoughts even crossed my mind. Just a moment of weakness I guess...

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            • #7
              Cape Runner, just chalk it up to experience and don't continue to dwell on it. It sounds as if he is over the surprise that you found out so go along with him. Enjoy what he has planned and later you can tell him that the biggest surprise was what and all the effort he went through. I'm sorry I ever doubted you is probably all he needs to hear.

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              • #8
                Hi Cape! Good to see you here!

                I think you might be a little hard on yourself here. It was odd behavior from him, and yes you responded poorly, but as I see it, even in a healthy, trusting relationship, there could also be weakness and mistakes, made by both parties.

                I think if many of us saw a drastic change like that, our minds would likely go there too. I don't think that you were completely unreasonable, just a bit hasty in your actions.

                If he's having a sense of humor now about it, I think it's OK to move on. Not a bad idea to evaluate the reasons for your thoughts, but I wouldn't over think here.

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                • #9
                  I have an idea...
                  Why don't you prepare a surprise for him? For your apology

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                  • #10
                    Good day Cape, I'm just checking in to see if you smooth everything over with hubby about trust issue. I'm hoping everything is ok and you're back to a happy relationship with each other. I hope Jack&William are doing well and you're enjoying every minute with them have yourself a great day.
                    When out driving always turn left. Then, should you become lost, you can find your way home by reversing the procedure and always turning right.

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