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How to deal with Friends who support Trump

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  • How to deal with Friends who support Trump

    This election has been a very divisive one. I've actually had to completely cut ties with one family member who said some really racist things. Now I'm wondering how to react to friends who are Trump supporters. I have lost respect for them completely. Also, I feel that if they support a man who has attacked groups that I represent, I feel like these friends are supporting those views, and thus attaching me. Part of me wants to cut them out of my life completely even though they have never said anything directly to me. BTW, I am referring to people who support Trump, not people who thought he was the lesser of 2 evils.

    This is not a discussion about Trump.
    Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)

  • #2
    Can you find out why they supported him?

    Most people that support one politician or another, very rarely support everything they do, say, and stand for. They excuse the undesirable aspects as their candidate doing what they need to do to win or with them being flawed like every other person on the planet. Most of the Trump supporters I've heard from definitely don't approve of him fully, but felt that things needed shaking up and that he's the man for the job. Not everyone agrees with the latter point, but most probably do agree with the fact that the political system is flawed. In that sense, we all share something in common.

    The goal is to minimize the emotion and try to understand others with different views instead of assuming, stereotyping, and demonizing. Some Trump supporters do have flat out evil views, but it's nowhere near the majority of the 10's of millions that voted for him.
    "Those sowing seed with tears
    Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126

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    • #3
      Originally posted by DreamP346 View Post
      Also, I feel that if they support a man who has attacked groups that I represent, I feel like these friends are supporting those views, and thus attaching me.
      The bad aspects of a candidate are often minimized for a voter.
      Many trump supporters didn't take him at face value whereas non trump supporters did take him at face value.
      Last edited by amy40; 01-06-2017, 06:05 PM.

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      • #4
        Here are some of the problems I have with my Trump supporting friends:

        They don't think he is racist or sexist: After everything Trump has said, to say he isn't sexist or racist is basically turning a blind eye. It is equal to acceptance. This goes beyond politics. It talks to these people's perception of the world and what they are willing to accept.

        Pure stupidity: When I get into discussions with these friends, their ignorance comes out. I know intelligence doesn't have to be a requirement of stupidity, but its difficult being friends with somebody you have no respect for.

        Their white privilege show up in their tone and language: They don't recognize it nor will they acknowledge it. They talk about bettering their lives while they sit in their beautiful house with pools, good jobs and their kids going to good schools.

        They like Trump's immigration stand: I am an immigrant. This country is founded by immigrants. These are the same people who like to take taxis driven by immigrants, go to restaurants served by immigrants and like to shop Wallmart instead of their local mom/pop store.
        Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)

        Comment


        • #5
          I feel you. I have struggles with the same thing. I didn't WANT to lose respect for Trump supporters.....but I did. And like you, I'm not talking about those who just believed he was the lesser of the two evils...I'm talking about those who staunchly support him, sing his praises and have this crazy blind faith in him. He truly scares me for the future of this country and I simply cannot respect those who support him.

          With some of the things I see that he's currently doing/involved in, I sit back and wonder if those who supported him during his campaign are thinking "Oh CRAP!"..... but they probably are not.

          I know that some of my good friends are Trump supporters. I leave politics off the table when it comes to our friendship. We simply do not discuss. We know, as a group, that we have differing opinions. We know that if we get into discussions about those things, we will likely end up tarnishing our relationships.......so we just consider all that stuff off limits.
          "Be what you're looking for."

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          • #6
            Sounds like there's more than Trump support, but that this was just the straw that broke the camel's back?

            I really think I know how you feel.

            One of our friends that my wife and I looked up to recently confided to me that he wasn't supporting a special congregation event in the city that was important to us. The reasons sounded a lot like prejudice against people from the city and possibly racism against black people. As far as he believes, my wife and I are black. So are other members of our congregation. Some of them live in the city. I was born and raised there.

            It was a shocking admission. He's not just a well-respected elder in our congregation, but also in our area. Displays of prejudice can cause a person to lose, not just their privileges, but their membership in our faith altogether. It's not just a social taboo. When I told my wife, she had a hard time with it. She still does.

            I actually felt closer to him because he opened up to me about feelings he admitted are wrong. The fact that he was humble enough to admit to that weakness to me and another elder and make himself vulnerable was impressive.

            Anyway, my point is that we can have expectations of others that are unfair. You're an immigrant, so you have a perspective that people who aren't can't have. And since none of us are omniscient, we have to be open to the possibility that others' views are right and ours is wrong, or that we're all wrong. And even if we're right and they're wrong, is it really worth it to judge them so harshly that we cut them off? Do they have redeeming qualities? How would we feel if a friend judged us that way?

            One more thing, I'm not convinced that Trump is particularly racist or sexist, so I empathize with your friends.

            ------

            Tl;dr Don't judge too harshly. Look for redeeming qualities. Treat others the way you want to be treated when you're wrong.
            "Those sowing seed with tears
            Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126

            Comment


            • #7
              if this is not about Trump, why does his name come in? as if he's the poster child for "those values". If they hold these views, they held them prior to Trumps candidacy right? Why does it matter now?
              had those topics just never come up in conversation prior?

              if this is about a lack of respect for your friends and their views, then cut them off for that reason. What does their political affiliation have to do with it?

              I am genuinely not meaning that harshly.

              I am just completely perplexed by the responses to this election by so many people. I may have mentioned a girl here at work dumped her bf of a year because she found out he intended to vote for Trump. No other issues in their relationship, had never found him to be sexist before, but suddenly she couldn't bear the sight of him.

              I don't think we know enough about Trump yet. Do I support him, yes. He is soon to be our president and we need to respect and support his position and office he holds. do I like it? no. do I like him? hell no. But we have a duty to respect here.
              I don't like Obama either, but I stand behind him 100% for various reasons.

              As I see it, we can disagree with someone and maintain unconditional respect and agree to disagree. that goes for our commander in chief or our neighbors.

              I always think about James Carville and Mary Lee Martin??? ah. the names have me confused. far left liberal and far right conservative married couple on the news commentary. They make it look easy...

              We are not just a collection of our opinions. We are much more than that...

              I'm at work...can't be away long, but really, bottom line is, if you don't have any value in those friemdships cut them off.
              What's trump got to do with it?

              Comment


              • #8


                from Michelle Obama's last speech:
                "for all the young people in this room and those who are watching
                know this country belongs to you, to all of you from every background and walk of life
                if you or your parents are immigrants, know that you are part of a proud American tradition
                the infusion of new cultures, talents, and ideas
                generation after generation
                that has made us the greatest country on earth"


                let yourself and kids be proud of who you are and your contributions

                Comment


                • #9
                  Kitty - I think when it comes to the behaviors in someone that purely violates our principal values, it IS about not respecting their opinion. Because it is ingrained in me NOT to respect or support the type of hatred and division he spewed forth during his campaign. It isn't about not respecting their right to have one. When I met my soulmate sister in 3rd grade (who still is, btw), a black girl in a white town I promised myself I would never sit back quietly in the face of racism. The same applies for secularism, nationalism, bigotry, sexism, etc etc etc. Trump and his past have shown us clear undertones of some of those things. Whether or not he truly is who he has shown us he is, both in class, respect and intelligence has yet to be determined but I do go by the saying "When someone shows you who they are.....believe them!" Until he shows me otherwise, I will believe him for who he SHOWS us he is.

                  This hasn't been an election like other elections. Politics, in this time, carry similar weight to religion and there are many people who would choose not to be in a relationship with someone of another religion. Imagine a hardcore evangelical christian in a relationship with an atheist. That only works in very rare cases. Why? Because even though each party might respect the others right to have an opinion, they do not respect the opinion itself.

                  "Be what you're looking for."

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    There has never been a politician that has been worth throwing away friends and family for. Don't let politicians' words be the lens that you see your friends and family through.
                    I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
                    ...
                    Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

                    From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I understand that BD, and I agree with part of your point actually. My point is, what does Trump have to do with it? If we never knew this about our long-standing friendships, is it really so important now? Suddenly? If it was so important to us, and such an important thing to them, how did we not know their opinions long ago, and rid ourselves of their friendship?

                      I think all this is overreacting and only bringing more distance between us all. Suddenly at work, all there is, is discussion about politics and Trump's intent to take our birth control and I even heard one young woman in her twenties go on a rant about how he probably wants to send unattractive women to gas chambers. Let's all calm down and see what he actually does and doesn't do. Like most political leaders, he will probably not do most of his planned actions. Like it or not, he is our President for now.

                      Not accusing Dream of being irrational as that young girl, but really, nothing has changed that much just yet. WE have elected a man as president. WE need to remove our emotions & see what happens in the coming months.

                      As jns said, it isn't worth losing friendships over. It's politics when we make it about him.
                      Last edited by atskitty2; 01-07-2017, 01:10 PM.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by atskitty2 View Post
                        if this is not about Trump, why does his name come in? as if he's the poster child for "those values". If they hold these views, they held them prior to Trumps candidacy right? Why does it matter now?
                        had those topics just never come up in conversation prior?
                        It is not about Trump because I can't control Trump. I can only control who I associate with. And yes, these friends probably had these values, I just didn't see/hear it before. That is why I have the dalema now. If I had known this in advance, I never would have friended them.

                        Originally posted by atskitty2 View Post
                        I don't think we know enough about Trump yet.
                        Again, this discussion is not about Trump or what he will do. It is about friends who believe in values Trump stood for during this campaign that I find abhorrent. We can start another thread if you are interested in discussing Trump.

                        Originally posted by atskitty2 View Post
                        As I see it, we can disagree with someone and maintain unconditional respect and agree to disagree. that goes for our commander in chief or our neighbors.
                        Would you disagree with Hitler but maintain unconditional respect?

                        I will NEVER respect somebody who considers women pussies that can be grabbed or called an entire group of people "rapists and criminals." And I cannot respect a friend who thinks this isn't a big deal.
                        Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by jns View Post
                          There has never been a politician that has been worth throwing away friends and family for. Don't let politicians' words be the lens that you see your friends and family through.
                          The problem is the politician is bringing out a side of my friend that I hadn't seem before. It's not about what Trump will do. It is about the values he espouses that my friends are also following. Trump is not my friend. I hate him and what he stands for. Therefore, it makes it really difficult for me to be friends with somebody that also follows those same disgusting and ignorant values.
                          Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by atskitty2 View Post
                            I understand that BD, and I agree with part of your point actually. My point is, what does Trump have to do with it? If we never knew this about our long-standing friendships, is it really so important now? Suddenly? If it was so important to us, and such an important thing to them, how did we not know their opinions long ago, and rid ourselves of their friendship?
                            Every time there is a mass shooting or a discovery of a psychopath, you will always hear friend/family/neighbor say they had no idea he could do anything like that. They even often say he was a nice guy. Just because I was ignorant of their true thoughts in the past, doesn't mean I would prefer to remain ignorant to them. The cat is out of the bag. My friends' ignorance, bigotry, sexism and racism is showing. They may not be the KKK, but their subtle prejudices are showing.

                            Originally posted by atskitty2 View Post
                            I think all this is overreacting and only bringing more distance between us all.
                            This statement of overacting, I have heard it a lot and I've noticed it always come from white and mostly men. Let me ask you this, after the election, were you worried that your marriage would be dissolved? Were you afraid to leave the country because you may not be able to come back? Were you afraid your only access to reproductive care would be taken away? It's always easy to say it won't really happen if its not your life on the line. And for everybody who keeps say it will never happen, remember the Japanese American internment, the holocaust, the Bosniana/Sarajevo war. Non of them were too long ago. So please don't say we are overacting. Unless you have lived in the shoes of the people that have been targets of Trump's hateful rhetoric, you cannot understand. Please don't minimize the harsh realities that certain marginalized groups live in each day. Trump has only promised to make them worse. The best case scenarios for these groups is that life will continue being harsh. You cannot imagine the worst case scenario.
                            Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              I have friends that say very shocking things at times and friends all over the political spectrum. Very few do I engage in political discussions since most do not have any depth and resort to ad hominem attacks when discussing politics with others. I do not believe politics is a necessary part of our friendships.
                              Last edited by jns; 01-07-2017, 08:13 PM.
                              I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
                              ...
                              Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

                              From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

                              Comment

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