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How to deal with Friends who support Trump

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  • #16

    Dream,
    it sounds like you have probably already tried different things and have reached the giving up point with some of your friends, so you just have to decide who to keep and who to walk away from


    or maybe you can decide if you want to overlook your friends tremendous faults, try to get along with them anyway, educate them and try to change their behavior, or walk away and look for new friends

    Comment


    • #17
      I'm at work so I cannot comment much, just a few quick sentences.
      You brought up Trump, I didn't. Just make it about newfound ideals you didn't realize your friends had...and let that be that. Because really, that is it. Trump was just the conversation starter right?

      I'm glad my ultra conservative, Christian family hasnt disowned me for my moderate or sometimes liberal views. They have racist leanings, which I grew up with so I'm glad they don't kick me out of Christmas dinner because I mentioned my black friend or Indian Boyfriend....
      We just don't discuss it. We are more than the sum of our political or religious leanings. Although my family is racist, in my view, I've seen them help out blacks, befriend blacks and even trust them. People can change, and while they may hold some views, their actions often don't demonstrate it-positive and negative.

      I think you're having an emotional response when it isn't warranted. I understand where you're coming from, I do.
      If you find no commonality with your friends any longer then leave them. That's reasonable to do. Don't over think here. If it bothers you that much, cut them off.

      Comment


      • #18
        One thing I've learned is that no matter how strongly my opinions are, no matter how sure I am....there are always people out there JUST as sure of the opposite. I'm in agreement that all we can do is see what happens....we really have no other choice.

        Dream, there is no way I would entertain racists friends, or friends who staunchly and actively go against my core values. I can have ACQUAINTANCES who do, people I associate with infrequently in social settings, etc. If your friends have exhibited purely racist behavior then yes, cut the strings and keep your distance. This election DID bring out a lot of things in people that we might not have known existed previously. So in fact, you're not ending your friendships because of Trump, but because you now know that their core values completely contradict yours.

        Ex. I know one of my close friends voted for Trump. We don't talk about it....but in my heart I know she did. I'm not going to not be her friend because of that. Sometimes people cast their vote based on one factor (i.e. gun control, abortion) not for the candidate as a whole. However, I did delete a few "FB friends" due to opinions that I considered racists and bigoted in their discussions about Trump.
        "Be what you're looking for."

        Comment


        • #19
          Originally posted by atskitty2 View Post
          I think you're having an emotional response when it isn't warranted. I understand where you're coming from, I do.
          If you find no commonality with your friends any longer then leave them. That's reasonable to do. Don't over think here. If it bothers you that much, cut them off.
          Kitty, I don't think you understand at all. If you did, you wouldn't be saying an emotional response is not warranted. After the elections, a family member who had stayed in my house, always been polite to me, and babysat my kids told me to "go back to where you came from" because I didn't like Trump being election. Can you really say that doesn't warrant an emotional response. I had another close friend who was in my wedding and I have known for 15 years make a post about how black people are lazy and want everything for free. Then he reposted a Trump tweet (with completely fabricated statistics) about violence by blacks. One of my family member is black. Another friend of over 20 years who lives in a city filled with immigrants, dated an immigrant, I'm an immigrant, is friends with multiple people on immigrant visa, said he believes in Trump's immigration policy. Yes, the same policy that would limit legal immigration meaning many of those friends may not be able to stay in the US. The same policy that would uproot undocumented immigrants who have lived here since childhood (his ex-girlfriend, my friend).

          So I think I and many others have good reason to be emotional.
          Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)

          Comment


          • #20
            Feeling the way you do is fine. Having an emotional response to those people is not. If someone who was living in MY house said that, I suppose I'd tell them the same thing-go back where ya came from-you won't live here and disrespect me. No stress, just leave. Totally reasonable to do so. Doesn't require a lot of emotional entanglement.

            I'm going to ask, are you not a naturalized citizen yet? Is this where the fear is stemming from?

            I'm going to share something I've never said here, because I want you to know that I do care, and I understand more than you know. I have worked with foreign exchange students for the past 9 years, volunteering my time and paying thousands of dollars out of pocket toward their education here and subsequent immigration efforts, as their sponsor.
            I love these students. I support them 100%. They are family now. Some call me mom, because I've become that equivalent for them. Some are from **** poor backgrounds and this is their only shot at not continuing in utter poverty. I have opened my home at a moment's notice to young people from all over the world because their host families in our state kicked them out. I've driven all over the state at ungodly hours to help. Taken phone calls and spent countless hours trying to help with paperwork or translation... Whatever. Sometimes just for a hug.
            I get it. I really do. It's terrifying to live with the looming threat of deportation or that the next round of papers will be denied...

            I don't think I will be ever fully capable of comprehending what immigrants experience because yes, I was born here in privilege. I can't feel that. I won't pretend to.

            Immigration is not easy, legally. I hear it every day at work, about the people who walk in here and steal American jobs and on and on. I know it's not easy. Do I get my hackles up and go on defense? No. We all are entitled to an opinion, regardless how ignorant it may be. If I'm asked, I will shed light on their dark opinions, otherwise I stay out of it. Not my job to make everyone see it the way I do. They can't in most instances anyway. They're often just small people, and that I cannot change.

            I really don't think, from what I read, that Trump is going to sign something that orders people out without some vetting process. I have some students with that fear, and I encourage them to stay calm, and continue working hard here.
            I have another "son" in eastern Europe waiting for his final interview before being granted a visa to come home and work. This is home! I believe that his hard work won't be cast aside. He earned a degree here, and has found an employer here. Just waiting on ppwk....Will be nearly 2 yrs he's been waiting to come home.

            So, I hope you can see, that I have a sensitive spot toward the immigration policies also. I've listened closely. At this point I see no reason for panic. Trump runs his mouth often, but generally I think his handlers will reign him in. He's said he isn't against legal immigration. Illegal immigrants do need to go, or at least begin the process of legalizing.

            Comment


            • #21
              Originally posted by DreamP346 View Post
              After the elections, a family member who had stayed in my house, always been polite to me, and babysat my kids told me to "go back to where you came from" because I didn't like Trump being election.
              That breaks my heart. Nothing crushes your spirits more than family turning on you.

              One of the things that comforts me is history. People have this concept that we're so advanced now, "How could they be so cruel in the past? How could they betray one another? How could they slaughter?" But there is no "they." There's not one evil thing done in the past that's not still going on. But there have always been people resisting it and trying to love and do good.

              Up until this point, no matter how bad we've been, the good hasn't left us. I don't believe it ever will. That hope gives me peace.
              "Those sowing seed with tears
              Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126

              Comment


              • #22
                The current administration has been sending people "back" to countries that they have never been in and don't speak the language of.
                I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
                ...
                Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

                Patrick Henry

                Comment


                • #23
                  Originally posted by jns View Post
                  The current administration has been sending people "back" to countries that they have never been in and don't speak the language of.
                  I know people who have gotten caught in this. The current one, the Clinton one, all of them have been doing this. Again, the debate is not about Trump in this thread. It is about friends who support a man and specifically his agenda that openly promoted hate and prejudice. One of those targets of hate being immigrants.
                  Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Originally posted by atskitty2 View Post
                    Feeling the way you do is fine. Having an emotional response to those people is not. If someone who was living in MY house said that, I suppose I'd tell them the same thing-go back where ya came from-you won't live here and disrespect me. No stress, just leave. Totally reasonable to do so. Doesn't require a lot of emotional entanglement.
                    I really don't understand you kitty. A few responses ago you talked about disagreeing and being respectful. Now you talk about throwing somebody out of your house for saying they didn't like Trump being voted.

                    Also, the person who told me to "go back to where you came from," we were not in his house. It was not a reference to living abodes. It was a reference to what country I originally came from. I made a political statement that wasn't targeted at him, and his response was to attack me personally. That is the post Trump election reaction that I have been dealing with.

                    Originally posted by atskitty2 View Post
                    I'm going to ask, are you not a naturalized citizen yet? Is this where the fear is stemming from?
                    What does my citizenship have anything to do with it? Do you only oppose hatred and prejudice if it only impacts your life personally? I hold myself to a higher standard than that. I oppose what I believe is wrong, whether it directly impacts me or not. That is why I refuse to be quiet when prejudicial values are being expressed. I also don't like associating with people who hold such values.

                    Originally posted by atskitty2 View Post
                    I really don't think, from what I read, that Trump is going to sign something that orders people out without some vetting process
                    Again, this thread is not about Trump. Why don't we start another tread on him to debate Trump's politics. Its about the hateful message he spread and the people in my life who either agreed with that hateful rhetoric or didn't think it was a big deal.
                    Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Originally posted by Stillness View Post

                      That breaks my heart. Nothing crushes your spirits more than family turning on you.

                      One of the things that comforts me is history. People have this concept that we're so advanced now, "How could they be so cruel in the past? How could they betray one another? How could they slaughter?" But there is no "they." There's not one evil thing done in the past that's not still going on. But there have always been people resisting it and trying to love and do good.

                      Up until this point, no matter how bad we've been, the good hasn't left us. I don't believe it ever will. That hope gives me peace.
                      I'm really trying to see the good in people but I feel like during this election, I got a wake up call that reminded me that I live in my own privileged bubble. That the people around me may not be saying racists or sexists things to me, but they are thinking them. And knowing that really bothers me.
                      Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Originally posted by DreamP346 View Post

                        I'm really trying to see the good in people but I feel like during this election, I got a wake up call that reminded me that I live in my own privileged bubble. That the people around me may not be saying racists or sexists things to me, but they are thinking them. And knowing that really bothers me.
                        sadly, there is prejudice in all of us AND people compare themselves to others all the time
                        none of us are perfect and all of us on some level have probably put someone down at one time or another, whether we spoke it out loud or not

                        know that you said it's not about trump, but in a way he created an environment which brought out a lot more incidents
                        like all of a sudden it's okay to express what you're feeling towards others, or act on it

                        so yes he is bringing out meanness in people, what adult do you know that goes around calling everyone stupid, overrated, in addition to the sexism and racism, he has no filter and because of his position has influenced others to unfilter

                        it really is quite disturbing, but maybe in a way this is a huge wake up call for everyone to realize their own prejudices
                        and try to do good where we can and not feed the flame

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Originally posted by amy40 View Post
                          maybe in a way this is a huge wake up call for everyone to realize their own prejudices
                          and try to do good where we can and not feed the flame
                          Not for everyone.

                          For some people, this election victory is the next step towards the division they desire, a race war, dominance of their way through eliminating and suppressing others, and/or the past greatness of America. They've been seeing things go in a direction they don't like for a long time and they've been silent, but now is their chance to shine. They're prejudiced, angry, small-minded and proud of it.

                          I saw a guy in the store the other day with a shirt that said, "If you don't like Trump, you probably won't like me and I'm okay with that." I think the wake up call should also incorporate the fact that that that guy is not a single, crochety old man. He's part of a movement and a global sentiment that is very different from the one that has had cultural dominance in the U.S. up until this point.
                          "Those sowing seed with tears
                          Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Originally posted by Stillness View Post
                            I saw a guy in the store the other day with a shirt that said, "If you don't like Trump, you probably won't like me and I'm okay with that." I think the wake up call should also incorporate the fact that that that guy is not a single, crochety old man. He's part of a movement and a global sentiment that is very different from the one that has had cultural dominance in the U.S. up until this point.
                            what is the global sentiment that you mean?

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              Dream, you wrote: "After the elections, a family member who had stayed in my house, always been polite to me, and babysat my kids told me to "go back to where you came from" because I didn't like Trump being election."
                              This was what I was referring to: I had read that to mean, that they were staying in your home, living with you, and made that statement to you. I wouldn't allow someone to live in my home and disrespect me that way. That's a bit different from them having a different opinion than mine. A personal attack, mean-spiritedness, and disregard for you is different.
                              Nevertheless, my apologies, I'd misunderstood your statement.

                              "What does my citizenship have anything to do with it?" I asked that because I get the sense this is stemming from fear. No insult or attempt at offending you was intended. I'm trying to help here, and figure out whether you're acting out of fear or what.

                              "Originally posted by atskitty2 View Post
                              I really don't think, from what I read, that Trump is going to sign something that orders people out without some vetting process



                              Again, this thread is not about Trump. Why don't we start another tread on him to debate Trump's politics. Its about the hateful message he spread and the people in my life who either agreed with that hateful rhetoric or didn't think it was a big deal."


                              Again, you brought Trump into this. You even include his name in the title of your post, so why are you so offended that people are referring to it. You've referenced the election and the aftermath, but we aren't allowed to bring into it some other idea regarding Trump? I understand it's his stance and ideas, and you're using his name as the example, but he isn't the founder and creator of racism and bigotry in this country. If you didn't want Trump to be included, why didn't you just title your post without his name, and say you'd discovered friends with racist tendencies and unsupportive immigration beliefs?

                              With this post, I've tried to explain my former comments. I hope it sheds some light on what I said/meant. I think I'm of little use here to help so I'll not comment further. I've tried reaching out & explaining our common ground, and demonstrate that I do care about what you're experiencing. To put it simply, if you cannot tolerate those friendships, leave them behind. I choose not to wall myself off from others whose backgrounds and beliefs are not my own. Do what's right for you tho'. That's the bottom line.

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Originally posted by amy40 View Post

                                what is the global sentiment that you mean?
                                Reactionary, opposed to pluralism, intolerant
                                "Those sowing seed with tears
                                Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126

                                Comment

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